Page 55 of Trapped: Until The Darkest Of Night

I slip my hand under the leather jacket and put it on my chest. Heartbeats thud dully against my palm. But the nothing in between is louder. Darker. It sucks on me, pulls me down. It scares me, like I’m a child again locked in the dark confines waiting to die.

My fingers dig into the fabric of the hoodie. “All I feel is the space in between. Emptiness. Darkness,” I say in a whisper.

“Which is why you kidnapped me?” Lou snaps, but it sounds less aggressive than before.

“Yeah,” I answer honestly, trying to shake off the dark feeling. “It’s not as bad with you here.” Even when you’re sad and stubborn and hateful, I finally feel like I can get enough air. As if I can breathe again. Like an eagle that can soar over the strongest storms.

She averts her eyes and gazes into the flames. “You said earlier that you would have done whatever needed to be done. To kidnap me, I mean.” She hesitates for a moment, then looks back at me and I nod.

“Would you have killed one of my brothers to get to me?”

For a moment, I feel like she’s kicked me in the temple. I can see why she’s asking and it infuriates me. Don’t hurt her anymore! I tell myself. Not with words or with your hands. I mentally count to ten and lean forward again.

“That’s not a fair question, Louisa. There’s no way to answer it.” My voice is impersonal and much too calm. “If I say yes, you’ll be scared and you'll hate me more than ever. If I say no, you won’t believe me. So, what do you want to hear?”

“The truth,” she says defiantly.

Of course, Lou! Both make you despise me even more!

“The truth is that I’ve never even considered the question,” I say after a moment’s thought. “And you shouldn’t either. I can’t answer it after the fact.” That’s true too because I don’t know what I would have actually done if Ethan had become suspicious at the time.

“You’re making it easy on yourself.” Her whisper is full of bitterness.

“I could have said no and risked you calling me a liar.” I keep my eyes on her. Her hands grip the edge of the chair.

“Have you ever killed anyone?”

Something inside me turns icy. I abruptly stand up and turn away from Lou. Images of Jordan flash before me, lying on the floor with that unnaturally twisted neck. The silence of that time buzzes in my ears.

“Is that a yes?” I hear Lou ask in a squeaky voice. “So, you really…” She falters and swallows audibly. “I… I want to go inside.”

I whip around to her. “No,” I say with cold calmness. I see how scary it must be for her, but I can’t let her suspicions go unanswered. “You asked me a question and I’m going to answer it!” I point to the chair. “Sit. Now!”

Face even paler than before with lips pressed together, she sinks back onto the edge.

“It was almost three years ago…” I pace in front of her. The chain rattles, rubbing my torn wrists, which I still haven’t bandaged. “It wasn’t how you imagine.”

“What am I imagining?” Her voice is steady, but her body is shaking like aspen leaves in the autumn wind.

I stop, suppressing a mocking laugh. “The worst, of course. That I killed someone out of envy, greed, or rage. You’re probably picturing how you think I did it. Something especially barbaric or underhanded I suppose!” I snort. I’m sure she thinks I stabbed someone in the back. I squint at her appraisingly. “Am I right?”

Lou avoids my gaze—of course! “How did you do it, then?”

At least she follows up. “It was an accident… It’s kind of a long story.”

“I only need the short version. And then I’d like to go back inside.”

“The short version is: we fought, he didn’t survive.”

Lou makes an indefinable sound. “You beat him to death.”

I could scream. “Don’t twist my words. There was a fight. We both knew what we were getting ourselves into. There were no rules and a whole lot of prize money.” Too much, way too much!

“So, you did kill for money,” she says, the corners of her mouth turning down in contempt.

I walk toward her with stiff steps. I would like to pull her up to me and shake her because she misunderstands everything. Because she has no idea about the past. Has no clue about anything! “I hit him and he fell down,” I blurt out. “He broke his damn neck! It wasn’t supposed to be a fight to death.”

Lou looks at me strangely like she knows more about me than I realize. “Maybe your punch is what killed him. How can you be sure?”

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