Page 80 of Trapped: Until The Darkest Of Night

I raise an eyebrow with a thousand words on the tip of my tongue that don’t add up, so I keep quiet even though I’m dying to hear her answer. I quickly collect the beer cans and return to the RV to boil milk.

Would Istu have loved Delsin if he had set her free?

In the warmth of the RV, I put the kettle on the stove, turn on the gas, and do the dishes while I’m waiting for the water to boil. I can’t get Lou’s words out of my mind.

That would depend on Delsin.

What was she insinuating? Why was she looking at me like she did back in Lodgepole? Has she rediscovered the Brendan she thought she saw in me back then? And if so, why?

Didn’t you expect something like this? I hear a voice inside me ask.

Isn’t that what you wanted? Didn’t you also long to be near the monster because you were so lonely?

A chill creeps up my spine. Maybe Lou feels something like affection because she has no choice. The thought that used to give me hope suddenly sickens me.

But at the visitor center she looked at you like she liked you. She went with you. Don’t you remember how her eyes sparkled?

A deafening beep rips me out of my reverie and startles me. A plate slips from my hands and lands with a crash in the sink.

“Fucking shit!” I look around frantically for a second. The flame under the kettle forms its usual blue ring, there is no smoke.

“What’s going on?” Lou calls out, alarmed from outside.

I use the shrill beeping to orient myself. It comes from above. The smoke detector blinks red. I switch it off with a hand and the sudden silence is eerie.

“Only the smoke alarm!” I call to Lou, laughing with relief. “At first I thought it was the propane alarm.”

“What would you have done then?”

“I would have turned off the gas bottle while you ran for safety.”

Luckily, it wasn’t the propane alarm. A gas tank leak is about the worst thing that can happen. Not only is it extremely dangerous, it would also deplete the gas supply relatively quickly. In the end, I might have to travel to a city again.

“Where is the gas bottle? Just in case you’re not around if the alarm goes off?” Lou calls now from outside.

“The bottle is in a compartment on the other side of the RV. About level with the side door.” I allow myself a grin. “I don’t want you messing with it though. Or you might blow us up!”

The kettle whistles and I prepare the milk for Grey. It reminds me of what I was thinking of earlier.

If Lou truly starts to like me, I should be content no matter the reason.

Through the side door, I glance at Lou sitting by the fire, hunched over and speaking to Grey. A gust of wind brushes my face. Like the Santa Ana wind, only cooler. For a few heartbeats, everything blurs and all I can see are the teddy bears swaying in the wind in front of the billowing curtains on Thorson Ave.

Father, mother, child. The perfect family.

That’s what I wished for. No matter for what reasons, Lou will eventually fall in love with me.

So why does it seem so pathetic to me now?

Chapter

Twenty-One

The weather is really heating up in the next few days. It’s the hottest summer I’ve ever experienced in the Yukon. Even the chipmunks, which normally scurry through the undergrowth all day long, lie flat like pancakes in the shade of the trees and the blueberries are drying up on the bushes.

I don’t know what happened to Lou and I after Jayden’s story, but something is different. Maybe it’s the way Lou looks at me. With shy curiosity. More than once, I have caught her watching me out of the corner of her eye—and then quickly looking away as if I’ve caught her doing something illegal.

The thought of pleasing her tingles like heat in my veins. I’ve held back my desire for her for too long. Looking back, I can’t understand how I managed to not constantly think about how she would feel in my hands. The images that pop into my head confuse me. If she looks at me like that again, I won’t be able to think straight for an hour. My logical thinking frays into a heap of useless streaks and becomes a dream of bodies entwined on brown earth, lit by coppery sunlight filtering through the dense treetops. I smell the intense scent of the spruces, feel the prickling carpet of needles on my skin, feel Lou.

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