Page 20 of Trapped: Until The Darkest Of Night

I practice my rehearsed, easy smile once more and become someone who is a complete stranger to me. Someone I would like to be but can never be.

For a moment, I think of the house on Thorson Ave, the basement, the man, and my escape. And the little boy I left behind who’s still trapped down there. Alone and lonely, with the dreams of his Little Miss Sunshine. I want to tell him that everything will be fine soon, but I don’t know if he hears me.

Chapter

Six

Ienter the visitor center without looking left or right. The light is harsh and I blink a few times to keep the brightness from triggering a flashback. A hot tingle runs down my neck. Lou is somewhere in here, but I don’t want to draw attention to me by searching for her.

Make your opponent feel safe. I hear my fight coach’s voice in my head. Buzz Hansen. As always, he’s right.

With long strides, I go to the freezers, which I can clearly see from afar. When I stand directly in front of them, I can no longer read the writing on the packages. That’s the downside of these eye drops: close-up vision is blurry while distant vision is as good as ever. I want to grab something at random just to look busy, but then I take a moment to think about it. If I talk to Lou, I should carry something she likes too. Similar preferences incite sympathy. I strain to see the pictures on the neatly stacked boxes and happily discover fish sticks. I pull them out carelessly, trying with all my might not to look for Lou. She must be looking for the lanterns in the camping equipment department.

I go to the nearest cupboard and grab an iced coffee from the refrigerated section. The third thing I recognize well and know is one of Lou’s favorites is donuts. I stack everything on top of each other. My ears start to buzz and the tingling in my neck gets so bad, I can hardly stand it anymore.

I turn around carefully and look up. No surveillance cameras—at least none that are visible. There probably aren’t any. Surveillance cameras are designed to deter thieves, so they’re mounted where everyone can see them.

My gaze continues to wander from right to left through the room to a nook next to the entrance area.

Lou is standing there staring at me!

Fuck! For seconds, I’m unable to move, I’m so transfixed by her full attention. For the very first time, she notices me! Somehow, that stuns me. Her mouth is slightly open and her blonde hair falls over her shoulders like a curtain of golden silk. One of them is bare because her blouse slipped off it. Didn’t she have her hair in a ponytail earlier? I blink briefly. She’s so sweet, it sends a burning pang through my insides. I also know why: The truth is clear. A girl like Lou would never get involved permanently with someone as broken as me. Lou is light and I am darkness. I truly realize this the moment she faces me.

My gut contracts. From longing. From excitement. From something I can’t name.

She’ll soon be yours. Soon, she’ll be yours and then it doesn’t matter who she might have gotten involved with…

The propitious voice winds through my mind, but I push it back. Lou is still looking at me, holding a black can. Since Lou is in the camping department, it’s probably the bear repellent spray she was so desperate to buy earlier.

Weakness, screams the part of my mind that isn’t dazed by her appearance. Weakness. Weakness. Weakness. Strike already!

It takes more strength than a heavy-hitting melee to break away from her gaze. As if hypnotized, I go to the checkout while my mind continues to work. She’s afraid of bears and it’s almost dark outside. She has to walk back alone. What if I tell her there are bears on the dirt road? If I offer to drive her back to her campsite?

“Ten dollars!” The man behind the counter gives me an odd look. Maybe I’m just imagining it because I’m seeing his face as if through a distorted magnifying glass. I force myself to smile and pull out a bill. Just don’t pay with a card that can be used to verify my identity.

The man nods at me and puts the bill in the register.

I turn around, the goal in sight. I think of all the psychological support strategies Buzz had taught me when I was a beginner.

Stay calm. Deep breaths with the abdomen. No sudden movements that give you away. Never forget your center of gravity. Control everything.

Resolutely, I head for the nook and push my hair back. Lou is still standing with the can in her hand. It is bear repellent. What has she been doing all this time?

When I’ve almost reached her, she suddenly turns. Anger gathers in my stomach. She shouldn’t turn away, she should talk to me!

I purposefully stand in front of the shelf with the camping lanterns to give her a reason to speak to me. My back starts to tingle just knowing she’s behind me. I want to turn and touch her right now!

Although her proximity drives me crazy, I’m trying to decipher the names of the brands so I can better advise her. She still doesn’t say anything. At some point, it dawns on me that she probably doesn’t dare to. After all, I’m much older than her.

Lou is shy! Hell knows why I like that realization so much. “The bear spray is useless.” I take the first step. My voice is brimming with superiority. “Total scam,” I add, not wanting her to purchase it. “At least I don’t know anyone who’s successfully taken out a bear with it.” I turn on my heels and smile my rehearsed smile. Now that I think she might be insecure, I’m finding it surprisingly easy.

She looks up at me but doesn’t say anything. Her face is blurred, the only thing I see is a deep northern-sky blue as if we were standing under the wide Yukon sky. Suddenly, I feel like she sprayed repellent at me.

To take my mind off her eyes, I point to the can in her hand. “All that is going to do is provoke them.” I hear my voice, which suddenly seems completely foreign to me. “In fact, if you’re super unlucky, it’ll make them want to attack you. Especially if your aim is off.” I take a step toward her. God, why is she still silent! Don’t make it so difficult for me, Lou!

“You must not go camping much,” I say. A direct statement that forces an answer.

“But what if there’s suddenly one in front of me?” she blurts out so suddenly that I want to laugh. “Um, a…a bear, I mean…?” She hesitates and briefly looks down as if embarrassed by what she said.

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