Page 136 of Trapped: Until The Darkest Of Night

To put it mildly, I don’t think that’s a good idea. A normal life, yes—but not with this girl.

With this girl…

Yes, with Lou, the girl you kidnapped. She triggers you. Do you truly believe you can start a normal life with her after everything that happened? What will Lou’s brothers say about your union? Aren’t you afraid that if Ethan finds out what really happened back then, he will press charges?? From what you’ve told me, I can’t imagine he would welcome you—should Louisa actually show up at the meeting place.

I tilt my head back and look up at the pewter sky. More and more clouds swell over the tops of the dark redwoods.

Will you come, Lou?

A whisper runs through the canopy of the trees almost like an answer—but the murmur could mean either yes or no. If she wanted to come, she’d certainly be here by now, I answer myself. Sadness burns in my chest. Yes, she would already be here, I should stop fooling myself.

With heavy steps, I walk around the visitor center to the back entrance. Grey slinks beside me like a beaten dog. I snapped at him a couple of times today for no reason, and even after I scratched his ears, he still feels the chaos inside me.

I tie him to a stainless steel railing at the back entrance and stupidly think about Lou’s imaginary pink rhino she told me about. She always tied it to the porch. I think it was Liam who invented that game for her.

I shake my head in disbelief at myself. Lou is everywhere, in my every thought, in every crevice of my brain. Now I can’t even tie up a wolf without her coming to mind.

With an inward sigh, I enter the visitor center, go to the restroom, and fill an old plastic bowl with water so Grey can have something to drink. Since long-term parking is a no-go here, I parked the motorhome outside the center yesterday and left it there this morning. Since then, I haven’t dared go back to the RV, fearing I’d miss Lou. So Grey and I had to fast because I foolishly left my money in the motorhome, or otherwise, I would have treated Grey to an XL can of dog food from the visitor center.

I take the bowl outside and Grey eagerly drinks while I walk back into the visitor center and survey the parking lot from there. It now seems dead. There are only three vans and a small car in the large parking area. A crow hops over the curb and picks up some crumbs next to a garbage can. Wind sweeps across the trash, grabs a bag of French fries, and spins it past the window. Sam’s Best French Fries.

Anxiously, I watch the area.

Still no Lou.

In the distance, I spot the sequoia I hid behind a year ago as I surveyed the parking lot. Like a hunter. Like a madman. A year ago, Lou was in my RV, drugged and tied with a zip tie. A year ago, I forcefully fed her water and put her in the box.

She won’t come. Suddenly, the suspicion turns to certainty. India Lee is right. How could we be happy together after what I did to her? Such things cannot simply be forgotten or fixed with explanations. Deep inside Lou, there will be a wound where all the fear and pain I have caused her accumulates. When the time comes, the injury will bleed and spill out like poison. Maybe that has already happened and she only feels contempt for me.

The gray area blurs before my eyes. Did I honestly expect she’d come? Granted, it was her suggestion—but she was confused and weak at the time. I shouldn’t have taken her words seriously. But then that’s exactly what I wanted, especially when I started to feel better thanks to the therapy.

Standing at the window of the visitor center, I clench my fists and press my lips together. I don’t want to cry now.

Furtively, I wipe my eyes with my sleeve.

Even if you don’t come… I love you, Lou! I love you, Lou, and nothing else. And I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done. For everything, everything, everything…except for my love for you.

I breathe through my mouth. Breathe like Dr. Lee showed me. Maybe I should just go and save myself the agony of the pointless wait. But something in me resists.

Eventually, I return to the back exit to go to the parking lot with Grey.

Even before I step outside, my gaze falls on the empty space on the railing. I rip open the door and a blast of cool air whooshes over me.

“Damn! What the fuck!” I bang on the steel post in rage. A woman who has just emerged from the shower room wrapped only in a towel looks at me wide-eyed and hurries around the corner.

“Grey?” I yell, and at the same time, start running in the direction of the forest that begins behind the visitor center. “You come back immediately! You hear me?”

It’s just not possible! I stop in front of the first row of trees and look around. It’s impossible to get a full view of the parking lot from where I’m standing, but I can guess where he’s gone.

“Yeah, okay, I didn’t give you any food,” I call out angrily, stepping over some bushes. Light falls in individual stripes on the shady forest floor. “But that’s no reason to run away and go hunting!”

It’s my fault. I was preoccupied and probably tied him up half-heartedly. I walk about half a mile between the sequoias before stopping again. “Grey, dammit! Come here or I’ll make wolf roast out of you when I catch you!”

A reproachful yelp answers me and I turn to see Grey standing beside a hawthorn, tail tucked, ears drooping. He looks at me guiltily from honey-colored eyes.

“There you are…” I snap, half angry, half mollified. “What if Lou shows up right now, huh?”

Grey pricks up his ears as he always does when Lou’s name is mentioned.

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