Page 126 of Trapped: Until The Darkest Of Night

“No…” Lou’s fingers tighten on my shoulders.

I feel her horror as I do my own. Cold, naked fear washes over me like a wave, paralyzing my thinking. I am going to go crazy. Once Lou is gone, I’ll go mad with grief and longing. My heart pounds. Numbly, I pull Lou to me, bend down, and rest my forehead against hers. God, it feels so good. No human being has ever meant so much to me and nothing has ever seemed harder. Even lying quietly in my narrow grave seems easier to me at this moment. When she’s gone, I’ll never be able to fill that warm spot in my heart again. It will be colder there than that icy December day. And yet it is the right thing to do. It’s the most horrible and best thing I’ve ever done.

“Lou.” I put into my words whatever warmth she inspires in me. “Trust me. It’s better this way. One day, you will know that it was the right decision. Maybe not today, but someday.”

“What about you?” she chokes out. “What will happen when you have another flashback?”

“After tonight… I’ll just pretend you’re with me.” It’s not the flashbacks I fear. As I let her go, I feel like I’m losing a part of me forever. “You’ve done so much for me, Lou. So much. All I can…must do for you is let you go…because I love you.” I walk to the door and yank it open. There’s a sadness inside of me I know I’ll never get rid of in my life.

Lou stands stock-still. The smell of garbage and exhaust fumes waft into the RV. Lou seems out of place in it. She belongs in the forest, in the Yukon, with me.

“You really should go before I change my mind.”

“I’ll say I ran away,” Lou suddenly says monotonously.

“Your brothers will despise you for it.”

“Ethan maybe.”

I have to think about what went through my head the other day. “You can also tell them the truth,” I reply calmly. I don’t want her to ruin her relationship with her brothers for me. That would be horrible. But I think Lou would have a bigger problem seeing me in a cell than I would, so I quickly add, “The police won’t find me.”

Lou stares at me for a long time. I see her struggle as she fights her tears and her resistance to climb down the steps. It seems to demand everything she has left in terms of strength.

“Where am I?” she suddenly wants to know in a firm voice.

There you go. You can do it, Lou! “We’re in British Columbia, Canada.” I quickly get the packed backpack out of the closet. “Money, provisions, a change of clothes, and the newspaper articles.” I point through the door at the building. “A quarter of a mile ahead is a shopping center and a bus stop. Greyhound buses will take you to any major city. From there, you transfer. I’ve packed you a list of time schedules and stops. Googled it on the Samsung.”

She looks at me in shock. “You have a cell phone?”

Not a good idea to tell her that. She shouldn’t be able to reach me, that’s what’s best for her. “I have no signal up there, Lou. Besides, it’s better if you don’t hear from me again for the time being.” The thing about the reception isn’t even a lie because although I usually have Internet access, the telephone connection is abysmal.

“I see.” She swallows dryly.

I smile and can hardly see her because my eyes are filled with tears. “Yes, soon you will understand.” It tears me up to speak as if I want this.

She looks across the dreary parking lot at the shopping mall. “Can you promise me something?”

“Depends.”

“Will you come back to Sequoia on June twenty-fifth next year? To the visitor center?”

My stomach tightens. I’m speechless.

“That was the day you kidnapped me.”

I laugh briefly, despite my sadness. “I know.” How could I ever forget?

“If we still love each other, then we’ll spend the summer together.” Lou’s gaze returns to me, filled with hope and something I can’t name.

My hands grip the straps of the backpack. It would be a sweet dream to pursue that thought, to have something to hold on to all the time, but it would be unfair to her. “I don’t know if that would be good, Lou. It would be better if you forgot me. And it would certainly be better for me if I forgot you.”

Lou reaches out to me, giving me the impression she wants to touch me. “Think about it,” she whispers and grabs the shoulder strap that I still grip like a life preserver. Then, without another word, she descends the steps. It’s like I’m only now understanding. I’m losing her. I’m losing Lou. Terror spreads inside me like a black ocean, filling my lungs. She can’t just go like that! All my muscles stiffen. I want to go after her, grab her, pull her back, kiss her, love her, but I can’t move.

At the bottom of the stairs, she stops as if waiting for something, but I can’t say anything. All words are gone.

“Bye, Bren,” she whispers, a weightless breath on the wind, and then she runs.

I bite my knuckles, my heart pounding heavy and hard in my chest. Wait! I want to scream, but I’m still mute and I watch Lou run step by step further away from me.

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