Page 247 of If You Give an Artist a Killer Muse

What? Baby, why are you sorry? Also, why the fuck would I leave you?

Honestly, I'm not ready to die. The thought of death ripping me away from Briar scares the shit out of me, so that's not a fucking option. I try to tell her everything I’m thinking but can’t.

My vision is turning black, and I’m slowly losing consciousness.

I can’t feel a thing now. I can’t hear what—

Chapter 38

Briar

Today is the day I died.

I mean, my heart may technically still be beating strong and sure, but I died today the moment Rurik lost consciousness in my arms. The moment he closed his eyes and stopped responding to me, I felt my sanity fade away along with him.

I don’t remember the ride to the hospital.

I don’t remember Nat and Oscar staying with me the whole time.

Fuck, I don’t even remember carrying Rurik to the ambulance.

But we’re here now, staring at Rurik while he’s lying down like a handsome prince waiting for his princess to kiss him alive.

And I tried. Many times. I kissed his lips until my lips felt bruised. I kissed his throat, feeling a drop of hope that I could feel the light pulse thudding against my mouth.

He’s alive. That’s all I keep repeating to myself. My angel is still alive.

We’ve been here for a total of five hours.

Five fucking hours.

Five hours of hearing his doctor prattle on about Rurik’s heart condition and how he suffered from acute arrhythmia due to stress or something. Yeah, no shit, he’s stressed. I’m sure he finally realized just how much his stepdad is an asshole.

It doesn’t help that I’m in his life, though.

Fuck.

Five hours.

Five hours of not hearing him speak. Of not feeling his lips moving against mine. The doctor said that he’s stable, and they’re monitoring his heart now. If the doctor says they want him to stay overnight, I will offer to pay for a month-long stay if he needs it and tell them to do whatever they can to make him better.

Make his heart better.

They want him to stop stressing? Got it.

I asked the doctor about a heart transplant, and he confirmed that Rurik would need it in the future. Godfuckingdamnit, if I could rip my own heart out and give it to him so he could live normally, I’d do it. I would give him the world if he wants. That’s how much I love this man.

Like before, I offered the doctor hella money to ensure Rurik gets the best treatment. It is helpful that Mr. Rogers's family doctor is also now involved in this. I thought Rurik’s doctor would throw a bitch fit for having another doctor step on his toes, but it turns out he and Mr. Rogers knew each other, and for whatever reason, he’s scared of him.

Perfect.

But Rurik’s doctor had to say something stupid like, “Even with all the top care that money can buy, there is no guarantee of finding a heart before his own gives out or that his body won’t reject the new heart.”

To which I told him, “Not with that fucking attitude.”

Besides, miracles can happen, right?

Anyway, Rurik is still lying there, with these stupid things poking him. I had to step out because the constant beeping echoing in the room drove me insane. More so than usual.

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