Page 159 of If You Give an Artist a Killer Muse

Rurik exhales sharply, shaking his head. “I knew having you here was a bad idea. Oscar told me I’m overreacting, but—”

“You are.” I interrupted him. “What is it about me you’re scared of, Rurik?”

He drops his hand from his head, staring at me with wide eyes. “What? I’m not scared of you, Briar.”

“Oh.” I mockingly say. “You’re hiding me away from our mutual friends. Which, I don’t understand why because Oscar and Nat pretty much figured us out. You’re asking me to leave because you’re afraid I’ll run into your family.”

He shakes his head furiously. “Briar, it’s not that.”

“Then tell me. Why are you so scared? Are you scared I’ll attack them in front of all these people? Do you think I’m that bloodthirsty? Please, help me understand.”

“I…” Rurik stops, looking away and shaking his head. He rubs his face with his hands, groaning. “My stepdad. He would disapprove of you.”

“Of me,” I repeat slowly. “What the fuck does that mean?”

But he just shakes his head, looking agitated and in pain.

I hate it.

“Can we at least officially come clean to our friends?” I say instead, stepping closer to him. “Like I said, they figured it out, and they’re not making it a big deal like you are.”

“No,” Rurik flatly says. “No, Briar. I’m sorry, but I mean it. They’re just speculating, that’s all. I’m not comfortable with anyone knowing about us yet.”

He looks away from me as if looking for something else to focus on.

I’m going to fucking scream.

But I won’t.

Because I can control myself.

I’m fine.

“Not yet, or not ever?” I ask him, cupping his chin so he can look at my face.

He looks at me with wide eyes, filled with anguish, panic, and something else I don’t have the energy to interpret. Opening his mouth as if to speak, he hesitates, then closes it and shakes his head again.

“I’m sorry,” He eventually says, his hand lifting between us as if he wants to touch me. He drops it as if he realizes what he is doing. “It’s an awful idea.”

I quickly let go of his chin and back away.

“Are you serious, Rurik?” I ask.

He just stares at me.

I swallow hard, waiting for him to speak. Hopeful that he would say anything.

Literally anything.

“Are you going to leave?” Rurik says after a few tense minutes. I can’t tell if he’s sad to ask or scared. “I’m so sorry, Briar. It’s just that my stepdad—”

“Fuck you and your stepdad,” I say, brushing past him as I walk away.

This time, there’s no darkness surrounding me. Not even redness from the anger I thought I would be feeling.

I still don’t feel a thing even after I left the building.

Numbness just spreads through me.

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