Page 19 of What I Should Have Done

Right, you idiot.

Inhaling deeply, I puffed out some smoke and unfolded the letter.

Mike,

I know we left things a little rough. I know you’ve blocked me from your phone and refuse to tell me where you’ve moved. But you clearly still want me or I wouldn’t still be your emergency contact which means I wouldn’t have been notified that you left on deployment.

Baby, please forgive me. I miss you. I’m so sorry. He means nothing to me. He meant nothing to me. I don’t understand how you were able to so easily kick me out and make me homeless! I lived in my car for a month trying to find a place to live because you wouldn’t take my calls.

I just wanted to apologize. I love you. I just got a little lonely, which wouldn’t have ever happened if you stayed home. You didn’t need to re-enlist. You could retire, or get out, or however. Am I not worth it to you?

You talk about how it’s the one job you feel like you’re good at, but was I not enough for you? I could make it all worth it.

Please, just forgive me,

Love your STILL fiancée,

Rachel.

As I wadded the letter up in a ball, the paper scratched against my palm. I hurled it aimlessly through the air.

And looked up as it bounced off Scottie’s stomach. As I snapped my teeth together, she pursed her lips and cocked a hip—all feisty-like. “Ow,” she blandly said.

“Oh, don’t whine like a baby. That didn’t hurt,” I retorted.

“Yeah, ’cause you throw ’bout as well as a baby,” she snipped and bent down, picking up the crumpled letter off the ground.

“Don’t you fucking read that.” I shot up off of the bedroll right as she tossed it back at me.

“I wasn’t going to, Blondie.” She quietly walked toward me as my fingers wrapped around the paper, catching it. Pausing in front of me, she tipped her head. “Something wrong?”

“It’s nothing,” I answered.

“Says the guy who already got a letter from home and we’ve only been out for what? Four days now?”

My eyes tracked her as she walked over to her bedroll and plopped herself down, scrunching her knees up to her chest. Somehow, despite the lack of proper running water, her hair was still as black as night and just as shiny.

“Definitely wasn’t expecting a letter,” I muttered, sitting down to face her.

“You don’t have to worry about making me jealous that your family actually cares about your wellbeing out here.” She gave me a pained smile.

“It wasn’t from my family.”

“Oh?”

I said nothing, not exactly wanting to discuss a rather sore and annoying topic about a woman with another woman.

She slowly nodded. “And you’re not going to say anything, are you?”

“Nope.” I pursed my lips and leaned back against the palms of my hands.

“Alright, then tell me how you got your call sign.” She arched a brow, her eyes staring into mine. Hard.

“Nah.”

“Excuse me?”

“I said no.” It took everything in me to keep the smile from forming on my face, but I wanted to see how far I could push her buttons with this.

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