Page 99 of What I Should Have Done

He nodded. “It was Mikey’s idea to give him fake coordinates.”

“That’s why you didn’t fight?! Why didn’t you try harder before fucking shooting him? Did everyone else know too?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“No. But I asked them to trust me,” he explained.

“That’s what you said over the comms,” I whispered. My bones ached as we plunked steadily onward. “You still killed Mikey…”

Dom hung his head, wetting his lips. “There was no other way. Mikey was aware of the possibility. He agreed to it.”

I shook my head, denying every word that came out of his damn mouth. “No. I don’t believe it. There’s no way. Mikey wouldn’t…” My breath hitched. Every inhale felt like I was sucking through a thin straw. “Mikey wouldn’t leave me like this.”

“Don’t be mad at him,” Dom quietly said. There were no words to describe what I was feeling. Anger didn’t cut it. But also, there was nothing. Not an ounce of feeling left in my veins. “Be mad at me. I pulled the trigger despite knowing he loved you. So, be mad at me.”

“You… You what?” I gasped, sniffing.

He chuckled, half-heartedly. I followed his gaze that slid to the piercing canvas above us. “The sky is unusually beautiful this morning, isn’t it?”

“Don’t do that,” I snapped, swallowing the pain. Though the sky was quite breathtaking.

Dom finally looked at me. “You’re not that good at hiding your emotions. And Mikey’s not that good at being subtle when it comes to those he’s loyal to. I put two and two together, especially after the sandstorm.”

I wrapped my arms tighter around myself, staring out at the desert. It was as desolate as my soul. “I’ve never been in love before,” I muttered. “And I’m pretty sure Mikey died thinking I used him. That he didn’t mean that much to me.”

“I guarantee you’re wrong there,” Dom replied.

I pulled my bottom lip into my teeth. “I feel like I can’t breathe,” I whispered, gasping. Curse Mikey for showing me it was okay to be vulnerable.

“Me too, Scottie,” Dom whispered. And the man next to me looked so small.

Mikey died alone. All because of me. It was my selfish choice. Dom knew this entire time and—

“Wait, why aren’t you upset that Mikey and I…?” My voice trailed off, unable to complete the thought knowing that it was all in the past.

Dom chuckled. “Because it clearly only made him a better operator and you a better sniper.”

“And you still fucking killed him,” I hissed. I couldn’t stop the waves of agonizing anger and pain, crashing against the rocky shores of grief and emptiness.

“I know, Scottie. I know.” His eyes glazed over. Mikey may have given him permission, knew the risks, yet it still burdened Dom.

“But you weren’t willing to ask anyone else to do it, if necessary,” I muttered, realizing how much I didn’t envy Dom’s position as team leader.

He shook his head, his gaze slipping down to his boots. We trekked along in silence, the muffled conversation of the men in front of us indistinct, garbled words. I needed Dom to keep talking. This unexpected moment of silence scared me. Every thought of mine returned to the man left dead. A bloodied hole in his chest. His body strewn at an awkward angle from the impact of the bullet.

“He loved me,” I whispered, tears clouding my vision once more.

“I’m just as surprised as you, Crow,” Dom gently said.

“Why? Is it really that unbelievable that I might be worth loving?” I snapped at him.

He slowly shook his head, a soft smile widening on his face. “No. I’m surprised that Mikey could love. He’s always been so angry. So burdened. His ex-girlfriends always seemed to be people he cared about so he simply wasn’t alone, but it was never…more. I met Rachel a couple times, and he never once looked at her the way he did you.”

A tear slid down my cheek. “It wasn’t anger, Dom. I don’t even think Mikey realized it was never anger.”

“Then what was it?”

“Grief.”

Dom furrowed his brows. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times like a snapping turtle. But even if he’d asked questions, I wouldn’t have answered them. That part of Mikey’s story was finally at rest. At least that part of his burden was lifted. He would no longer have to be haunted by pain and grief that was no fault of his own.

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