Page 90 of What I Should Have Done

“He’s got his own house and an entire family to worry about. And I didn’t exactly ride on this side of legal growing up, remember?” I replied.

She narrowed her gaze. “You’re saying you made money illegally and then didn’t give it back when you went straight?”

“And practically confess to all the shit I did? No, thank you.”

“So, you bought a house instead.”

“Technically, I sold the first two I bought, so this is my third house,” I justified.

She blinked rapidly at me. “That doesn’t change the fact you own a house from illegal shit.”

“Well, you know what, after all the hell I got put through as a kid, I think a house is exactly what I’m owed.”

“But us hard working folk who don’t do anything illegal aren’t owed a house?” A smile twitched at the edge of her lips.

“You’re just jealous I have a house that’s fully paid off and everything,” I replied. “You’re welcome to move in if that’ll make you feel better about the fact I used my illegal money to buy me a house.”

She shook her head and quickly placed a hand over her mouth. But there was no hiding the smile that reached her eyes too. “As flattering as the offer is, you know that doesn’t work.”

“How does that not work?”

“I’m deployed when you are, if I get to permanently stay as your team’s sniper, so, how would it look on all our forms to have the same exact address?”

“True,” I muttered, and as loudly as a crack of thunder it hit me. “Scottie. Who do you put down on all your forms? You know, the shit we have to fill out just in case we are killed or go missing or any of that stuff?”

Her brows stitched together and then every feature on her face softened. A mix between embarrassment, shame, and hope caressed her expression. “My brother, actually. There’s a part of me I guess that still clings to the idea that maybe we haven’t drifted apart as far as we have.”

“Have you ever tried to reach out to him?” I asked.

She shook her head. “No.” Then she quickly glared at me. “And don’t say anything. I know I should probably put some effort in too. Maybe he thinks it would be inappropriate to reach out first or whatever, but yeah. So just hush.”

I gave her a soft smile, though I knew she noticed it didn’t quite reach my eyes. “I need to refill out the forms.”

She tipped her head. “Why?”

“They’re still made out with Rachel’s name.”

“Oh, yeah, you should probably do that,” she lightheartedly said.

“Yep,” I muttered and looked down at the letter resting between my elbows. “But I don’t have anyone to put down,” I quietly added, admitting to something I’d been avoiding for months.

“Well, who’d you have down before Rachel?” Scottie asked, as if what we were discussing didn’t give off any sort of red flags.

I raised my brows. “My grandma, but that was simply because I was desperate.”

“Yeah, you shouldn’t put her down again.” Scottie offered me a gentle smile, and my heart fluttered.

My skin ran warm and there was no stopping the words that vomited from my mouth. “How would you feel if I put your name down?”

Her smile faltered, and then she quickly plastered on an overly wide grin to cover up the fact that I’d just crossed a line. “Oh, Mikey. That wouldn’t work.” She giggled.

I clamped my teeth together and looked away, embarrassed. “Why not?”

Stop, idiot. You know why.

“Well, I mean, if you get killed, I most likely got killed at the same time, so then what would happen?” she replied, skirting around the real reason that we both knew I shouldn’t. That I couldn’t put her down.

“True,” I muttered and closed my eyes. “Sorry for asking.” Knotting my jaw, I shook my head and mentally punched myself. I was such a damned fool and stuck my foot in my mouth. More than once now.

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