Page 1 of What I Should Have Done

Chapter 1

MIKEY

Home.

Somewhere that existed in a world which wasn’t mine. But at least the place I was headed to for the next couple weeks didn’t involve the kind of death and violence that no human should ever experience. It was somewhere I lived, and there was someone there who gave me a semblance of what home could be like someday.

At least she was someone I looked forward to coming back to. She kept me moving forward. One day, when my soul wasn’t drowning, maybe then I’d be home. That had to be what had held her back from agreeing to set an exact date for our wedding for a while. The proposal occurred before I left on my last deployment, and I finally received a letter stating she’d picked a date for next June.

Shrugging my rucksack tighter up my shoulders, my eyes scanned the crowded main level of the airport. Sunlight blazed in through the windows, casting a yellow hue over the white walls. The squeaking of the tiles beneath my boots was drowned out by the chatter of people rushing to their next destination. Heading toward the exit, a tall figure I’d know anywhere caught my sight.

A mischievous grin stretched across his lips. “Mikey!” He waved and pushed through a group of people who parted like the Red Sea.

“Man, is it good to see you,” I replied and clasped my hand in his.

He tugged me toward him and I patted his back.

“You’re in need of a shower and shave,” Griffin said, breaking the greeting.

“After I see my girl.” While running a hand over my beard, the hair prickled beneath skin that was raw and tender from too many hours spent without a break from the grating pressure of violence.

“That bad of a tour?” he asked as we exited out into air that had never smelled so fresh nor felt so free.

My feet stopped beneath me of their own accord, and I turned my face toward the clear sky. Through the hum of engines and the buzz of chatter, the sound of birds chirping danced through the air. A cool breeze brushed across my face that was definitely in need of some moisturizer.

“Just grateful for the break, no matter how short.” I inhaled deeply, drawing in the taste of oxygen that wasn’t coated in a dusting of sand. Relief swept across my shoulders, reminding me that the pop of a car backfiring wasn’t something barreling toward me to take me to meet my maker.

Tipping my head forward, my eyes met Griffin’s. There was an indescribable lightness about his figure that I desired to have someday. Though it seemed mixed with a new burden, and one I couldn’t quite place. Resuming our walk, Griffin steered us down a sidewalk and toward the overpass tunnel which led to the overflow parking lot.

“Thanks for picking me up, by the way. I know a four-hour drive is one hell of a commitment. But surprising Rachel, that’s a win that I need,” I said as we stepped up a gradient and emerged from the tunnel.

Sunlight once again blazed in a crisp blue sky, and while the white cotton balls floating carelessly across the canvas overhead weren’t new, they felt different.

Griffin stuffed his hands in his pockets, and we rounded a corner. “Least I could do.”

“Sure the wifey doesn’t mind?” I wrapped my hands around the straps of my rucksack a little tighter.

“Nah, she’s off at one of her MMA training sessions. Her next fight’s in a month.” A wide smile full of adoration filled his face. That man was still as in love with that woman as the day he’d shared with the team that he’d met someone.

“That’s right, I forgot she started that up after your youngest was born.”

We stopped beside the same truck he’d driven for years.

“Jane was never meant to be solely a mom and housewife. Nothing against the women that want that, but I knew she was itching for something else the moment she asked to go fucking skinny dipping while eight months pregnant with Carter.” Griffin chuckled and shook his head, some strands of hair falling into his face.

“You are whipped, my guy. Absolutely whipped.” I pulled open the back door and tossed my luggage in, then hopped up to the front passenger side, the smell of clean leather assaulting my senses.

“Damn straight,” Griffin answered, climbing into the driver’s side. The truck rocked with our movement, and then he popped the key into the ignition.

“Yet there’s something else you’re feeling, too…like guilt.” I leaned my head back against the rest that seemed a little too soft after sleeping on the ground for the past couple weeks.

Griffin shook his head, shifted the truck into drive, and slowly backed out of the parking stall. “It was my fault I didn’t see how cooped up she felt sooner. Like what the hell was I thinking teasing her about having a fifth baby while still pregnant with our fourth? She’d already given me the family I wanted.”

Nodding slowly, my gaze tipped toward him as we merged with the pool of traffic leaving the airport. “I remember you mentioning that conversation, but I never asked how she reacted when you did.”

“Playfully, like normal.”

“Right. And what were your intentions behind teasing her about it?”

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