Page 84 of Since Day One

I could hear a couple engines idling in the gravel driveway to my left, and once our feet hit the rocky road, I finally looked up.

And froze.

Gauge tugged at my hand and unintentionally plopped to his bum, confused about why I’d stopped, but I wasn’t sure that what I was staring at was actually real.

It seemed so very real though.

I wanted it to be real.

Chapter 31

He didn’t speak nor did I.

I wasn’t even sure where to begin as he stood in front of me, his hands shoved into his pockets. His full mustache was trimmed and shaped to perfection. The stubble on his face was still short and accented his strong jawline. He looked so much more handsome than I remembered. And every feeling I’d fought since leaving came flooding back.

He still had those thick, broad shoulders that my hands immediately remembered, and the button-up he was wearing was rolled halfway up his muscular forearms because of the heat. His hair seemed to be somehow different, as the wavy ends peaked out from beneath his black cowboy hat.

Those hazel eyes bore steadily into me, so much unsaid. So much desire still remained.

“Is he mine?” Gunnar finally spoke, looking at Gauge, who was picking up rocks and trying to eat them.

I nodded once.

Gunnar clenched his jaw, a flash of anger coating his gaze. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

My heart sank. He was here because of Gauge; this had nothing to do with me. I knew that was a selfish thought—my son deserved to have his father—but the moment I’d seen Gunnar standing there, I’d thought for a brief moment that he was here for me.

But why would he be? I shut him out. I set a boundary, and Gunnar had respected it. Like he’d always done.

“You said you didn’t want kids, and I wasn’t willing to give you that burden and responsibility,” I quietly replied, looking toward my left where the two trucks waited, full of my family. Kurt was watching very intently while Sally and Abi seemed to be faking a very important conversation despite the constant glances. The rest of the guys were also lurking with their windows cracked.

Gunnar’s truck was parked along the roundabout portion directly in front of me. He’d driven here, all the way from Wyoming, to see his son. So much for not wanting kids. I glared at him, trying to figure out what was going on. Selfishly heartbroken once more.

He took a couple of steps forward, and I reached down, hoisting Gauge to his feet and backing us away so Gunnar stopped moving. “I remember what I said, but would you believe me if I told you I didn’t feel that way anymore?” he asked.

I shrugged, and he nodded, not upset at all.

“Would you believe me if I told you that a day hasn’t passed where you haven’t crossed my mind?” he continued, and I took a step backward. I wouldn’t let him manipulate me because he was saying things I’d wanted to hear since the moment that I boarded that plane.

“Jesse was pregnant when you left. The entire time she was, I’d sit and think how beautiful it would’ve been to see you like that,” he said again, and I shook my head in denial.

“Gunnar, don’t. Please. I can’t handle it,” I whispered, picking Gauge up quickly and holding him tightly. He squirmed in my arms, protesting, but I just cradled him harder.

“You were there, weren’t you? I saw you there, pregnant, which I now know is why you took some time away from competing. I thought you were something my head had made up while I was in the arena, but that was you,” Gunnar continued.

“Please,” I whimpered. “I’ve made peace with this, Gunnar.”

“Have you?” he asked, his eyes darkening. “Because I can’t. I’ve tried, Willow. Like hell, I’ve tried to let you go, but I can’t. You own me. You have since day one and always will.”

“Please, Gunnar. It’s been too long.”

He pulled his hands out of his pockets and walked across the grass toward me. “I should’ve come sooner, but I was trying to be respectful of your wishes. You denied all of my calls, all of my messages, and at finals, when I came looking for you, I was again turned away. So, I accepted that, for you, things were final. But it wasn’t for me.”

“Stop. Stop saying these things,” I whispered, tears sliding down my cheeks.

Gauge cooed in my arms, babbled something, and wrapped himself around my neck. So protective, so like his father.

Gunnar continued walking until he was standing directly in front of me. Gauge tucked his head into my shoulder, leaning away from Gunnar.

---