Page 65 of Since Day One

A silly grin spread across his lips as he squinted at me. “You really are so beautiful,” he mumbled, lifting a hand and brushing it against my cheek. I watched him as he blinked slower and slower. Turning his face into my stomach, he curled himself up and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling himself as close as he could.

“I’m tired,” he muttered, and I took a deep breath, running my hand over the back of his head.

“Then rest,” I said, and he closed his eyes, slipping fast asleep.

I sat on that cold floor for so long that my butt turned numb and my legs were completely asleep from Gunnar’s body weight. But I didn’t dare move. He needed this reset. The sun was sinking in the sky by the time Ruger burst into the stall barn. He was laughing with one of the hands but stopped when his eyes fell on Gunnar and me.

He furrowed his brows, confused. “What’s going on?” he mouthed, and I shook my head, silently telling him we could talk about it later. Ruger made sure all the other hands that brought horses in were quiet. Even as they fed, we received questionable stares, but no one said a word. The music had long since stopped as I continued to hold a drunk and sleeping Gunnar.

Eventually, everyone else faded from the barn, which quickly became dark. I stroked Gunnar’s hair, hoping that somehow, someday he received peace. Part of me now knew that when he mentioned he didn’t want kids, whatever he’d gone through was more of the motivating factor than what occurred with his uncle. He never wanted to be the reason that some other child experienced the same first few years of life as he had.

I couldn’t blame him for it either, and I made peace with the idea that I would never need to know what happened to him. Sharing what had happened to me had helped me, and maybe someday he would want to share. But even if he never did, I would always understand. I once believed I would never tell a soul either.

The door creaked open, and Ruger returned. “How’s my brother? Mom told me that Jesse had mentioned yesterday about the adoption stuff. So I’m assuming that’s what sent him into this spiral.” He sat down beside me as I nodded.

He rested his head back against the stall. “Gunnar thinks I don’t have any bad memories, and I’ll always make sure he believes that. But I was there too. I had to watch what they would do to him.”

Ruger stopped talking, tears threatening in his eyes. He took a deep breath, cleared his throat, and continued. “He never once complained to me, never once cried out in pain in front of me on purpose. But one night after another family had sent us back, we were laying on those awful cots, asleep at the group home. Gunnar screamed. It was a blood-curdling scream in the middle of his sleep, and I couldn’t get him to stop. The lady who was there that night came running in and shook him until he woke up. Gunnar swung out of reflex, knocking the lady out cold before he even realized he was awake. He was just scared. Anyway, Gunnar launched himself out of bed and grabbed me, shoving me into a corner, and stood in front of me like there were hundreds of people coming for us and the last thing they’d ever do was try to get me. He’d kill them before letting that happen.”

I looked down at the man who seemed so childlike in my lap. Ruger sighed, lost somewhere in a world that I would never have to experience. “I didn’t see him for three days after that, but I could hear him. Screaming at everyone, asking where I was and what they were doing to me. He came back with bruises across his face and all over his body. But he never once said anything to me whenever that would happen. If he did give me an answer, he would tell me he fell or ran into something.”

“It happened more than once?” I asked in shock.

“Not the nightmares, at least not that I know of, but everything else would,” he answered. “No one ever touched me because of my brother. I owe him everything, including my life. He deserves all the love in the world, and I’m the one with a wife and kid on the way. I’m the one who was never cheated on, even though I did my fair share of horrible things back in the day. And Gunnar would take the brunt of the consequences, even though I was the one who’d made the choices. Still to this day, he’s never once complained or told me that I owe him.”

Gunnar shifted in my lap, pulling me closer, and a hot tear slid down my cheek. I wanted to give him everything. Even when I was being irrationally emotional because of Emily, he had told her off every single time. It was my own thoughts, my own assumptions that had made me believe that he had no feelings for me. Even if it was only for a short while, he’d protected me and shown me compassion and love. I wanted to do the same. Not out of obligation, but because the man in my lap was truly a wonderful man.

And because I simply wanted to.

“We went to some pretty awful homes before Mom and Dad took us in. I can remember several nights that Gunnar told me to face the wall, close my eyes, and pretend to be asleep, no matter what I heard when people would come into our room uninvited. I didn’t know what was happening then, but I do now, and I can’t imagine…” he muttered beside me, and I couldn’t hold it in anymore. The waterworks opened right up and came flooding out, washing down my face.

“How is he still so kind to people?” I whispered, brushing more hair from his face, and Ruger smiled beside me.

“He’s not usually that nice to strangers. For whatever reason, he’s the man I know toward you,” he answered, and I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and looked at the brother sitting beside me. Ruger smiled as I let myself process everything that I learned. Every action from Gunnar since I’d met him had made me feel safe and protected, even when he’d been annoying. But I had been teasing him in return all of those times. And Ruger was right, Emily hadn’t been a stranger technically, but he’d said some pretty harsh, rude things to her.

“I can lug my brother back to his house if you want to grab some food,” Ruger offered, but I shook my head.

“I’d like to stay with him until he wakes up,” I softly said, brushing my fingers across his sleeping face. “Oh, and congratulations on the pregnancy!”

Ruger grunted beside me, pushing himself off of the barn floor with a smile. “Thank you, and not just for the congrats,” he said, and I glanced at him, confused.

“For what else?”

“For taking care of him,” he answered and then turned around and disappeared from the barn.

Chapter 24

Gunnar groaned, rolling over on my lap and blinking awake. He squinted, rubbed his temples, and then rolled back toward my stomach before burying his face against me. “My head hurts,” he grumbled, and I softly chuckled.

“That happens when you get black-out drunk,” I lightly teased, and he groaned again, gripping my shirt.

“Wait,” he paused and rocked away once more, looking up at my face while straining against the lights. “Why are you here?”

“I was worried about you,” I whispered, and he sat up. Moaning in pain and gripping his head, he swayed but shook it off and faced me.

“Willow, I’m so sorry,” he apologized again, and I smiled gently.

“You’ve already apologized, dummy.”

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