Page 55 of Since Day One

“Obviously, her face is plastered on it.”

“You’re angry,” he stated, dropping his hand completely away.

Yes.

“No,” I said. I was also hurt and confused and dreading the answer that I just knew was coming.

“If I tell you, you promise to not bite my head off?” He raised a brow, so much like Gunnar, and I narrowed my gaze, fighting back the second wave of tears.

“Who is she to Gunnar?”

“His ex-girlfriend. Like the only one he had after his fiancée ran off with our uncle.” Ruger took a cautious step backward, putting some distance between us.

I knew it, I’d known it by the way she touched him and the fact that he didn’t seem uncomfortable with her all over him. “Thank you,” I whispered and turned around. Right now, the bunkhouse was a safer place than the arena.

“Willow,” Ruger called but I ignored him, numbing pain squeezing my heart. The knife in my soul twisted even more as Gunnar walked out of the arena, leading Luke, with Emily strolling right next to him. Food meant nothing. Exhaustion held not a single string tethered to me as I tore my gaze away and jogged to the bunkhouse.

Don’t look, I pleaded with myself.

With each aching footstep, I kept my blurry gaze stuck on the white building that was my ultimate refuge. Avoiding him was my new goal, one that left my soul writhing in agony.

Chapter 20

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Emily’s sarcastic drawl stopped me just before I grabbed the knob to the bunkhouse. “I guess the rumors are true. Willow Summers ran away after her embarrassing crash at World’s.”

Swallowing stiffly, I let my hand drop from the doorknob. “Congratulations on the win, Emily,” I responded as politely as I could, refusing to face her. Her seeing my puffy, red eyes and tear stains on my face would only fan her fire.

“So, I assume you must know Gunnar.” She waited a second, but when I didn’t answer, lowering her voice as though confiding in me, she added, “It’s not like me to tell tales, but I gotta say, that man’s a ferocious lover.” Another pause. I could almost hear the wheels in her head spinning. “Yup, I guess he never got over me seeing as he’s still single,” she baited.

“I guess not,” I whispered, pinching my bottom lip to stop the trembling.

She inhaled a long, satisfied breath. “I’ll be staying for a day or two. I’ll get him to eventually agree to start my new colt until my trainer’s done with the current horse in his program. I’ll be riding him in the futurity this coming year. Where I’ll beat you again.” Maliciousness dripped from her words, and I couldn’t help it as I gasped sharply.

“I wish you the best; Gunnar’s a…good trainer.” I reached forward, grabbing the knob again.

Emily scoffed. “Are you that much of a sore loser you won’t even look at me?”

I shook my head, staring down at the ground, wanting more than anything to turn around and rip her throat out. I wanted to tell her all of the nasty thoughts I had about her, all the ways I couldn’t wait to crush her at whatever next reining competition that we both attended. Everything in me wanted to fight her, not just because it was her, but because it had to be her. And with Gunnar no less.

But I was trying to be a bigger person, and trying to not absolutely break down in front of her. After all this time, after everything I went through, and he knew. How could he?

“Excuse me, Emily,” I finally said, and walked inside, shutting the door on her echoing words.

Flattening my back against the cold wood, every disappointing thought filtered through my head. Part of me was grateful I hadn’t fully let him in, hadn’t jumped in head first, knowing what I did now. But the main part of me was simply sad.

The universe had spoken my fate, leaving me spinning in a tortured circle watching everyone else around me experience love, lust, and desire. While there was nothing but scraps left for me.

But this self-pity party was nothing to wallow in for long. I needed to suck it up and return to that arena, pretending like nothing bothered me. There was no reason for it to…

A single tear slid down my cheek and a wail escaped my chest.

There was a reason for this despair, but one I wasn’t willing to admit out loud. Not yet.

Pounding on a wooden frame rattled against my body, muffled words piercing the thick veil of pained thoughts running through my head. Pressing my cheek against the door, I tried to make out what I was hearing.

“Would you just go? I thought I already made it clear,” Gunnar grumbled, knuckles rapping against the door again.

“Don’t you want some lunch? Come on, I’m hungry and—“

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