Page 47 of Since Day One

He shifted a little uncomfortably.

“You don’t know how to take compliments very well,” I teased, and he grimaced.

Ruger cleared his throat from across the room, and Gunnar pulled his lips between his teeth before mouthing “sorry” toward me. I shrugged and smiled, knowing that Ruger wouldn’t really understand the small pieces of information that Gunnar had shared.

“I didn’t know that you weren’t really that close with your dad,” Ruger sheepishly said, eyes focused down on the floor.

“It’s okay,” I quietly replied and watched him shuffle self-consciously by the bedroom door. An awkward silence settled over us as we all waited for someone else to say or do something. Finally, Gunnar brushed some hair behind my ear and looked at his brother.

“We’ll get our warm clothes on and meet you outside,” he said, and Ruger looked up.

“We’ve got your Razor dug out already, and a clear pathway waiting to take us all back.” He smiled, his eyes flashing between Gunnar and myself. I took a tiny step closer to Gunnar, finding power in his presence.

“How are my horses?” Gunnar asked, and his brother chuckled.

“They’re just fine. You know I wasn’t gonna just let them suffer.”

“Damn straight. Especially since you knew there would’ve been hell to pay if you had.” Gunnar raised a threatening brow toward Ruger, who nodded like this was a frequent conversation.

“I’ll meet you two outside,” Ruger said, adjusting the cowboy hat on his head and tucking the collar of his coat tighter against his ears. He walked our way and we slid away from the door as he exited the cabin, leaving us in silence.

I followed Gunnar back into the bedroom and gathered my old clothes that had dried but become stiff from the floor. He disappeared without a word into the bathroom, leaving me to change alone. As quickly as I could, I shoved myself into my jeans and put my thermals back on, but instead of my shirt, I simply tucked the button-up I was wearing into my belt and buckle, wanting a little bit of Gunnar to stay with me, and then pulled the sweatshirt on over it.

Stuffing my shirt into the big pocket, I tied the wild rag around my neck and walked out of the bedroom while finger-combing my hair so I could braid it. Gunnar was already waiting in the living area of the cabin, all the lamps were out, and the flames were no longer dancing in the fireplace. His eyes met mine, full of so many unspoken things, full of things I was pretending to ignore, and I felt a part of my heart break.

He softly smiled and then walked my way, looking so strange wearing his jeans and thick coat again. Though it was quite handsome, it just wasn’t the same. It signified the closing of an adventure I wasn’t ready to be done with yet somehow I’d known was ending soon. We’d both known last night that it was coming to a close.

Gunnar walked behind me and gently replaced my fingers with his, slowly braiding my hair for me as I blinked back tears. We did not speak. There was not a single word that could express what was in my head or his. Once he finished the braid, he walked around me and snagged his hat off the rocker, tugging it low over his head while I unfurled my ball cap from my waistband and shoved it back on my head.

One more frozen moment.

One more.

That’s all we were afforded before our feet were in our boots and he opened the door to a winter wonderland that held nothing but uncertainty.

Chapter 17

My backside was wet and cold as Gunnar parked the Razor in front of the bunkhouse. Knowing this was some sort of ending to an escape that was never meant to last washed my soul with acid. So much was left unsaid, and so much emotion, so many wild thoughts barreled through me. Whispers of regret that I should have just let him, should have given in to the desire that I’d fought. Had that been what Sally was trying to tell me?

Gunnar wasn’t looking at me, either, as we idled, waiting. Taking a final breath, I stepped out of the Razor and gently shut the door behind me. Finally, I turned around and found Gunnar staring longingly at me. I opened my mouth to speak as his eyes glinted with typical mischievousness.

But I was unable to get a single word out as Rob and Carsen leapt over the fence and came running up the hill.

“You guys are back!” Carsen shouted, snow caking around their ankles as they slid across the hill toward us like excited teenagers.

“Don’t worry, the horses ain’t dead, Gunnar,” Rob added.

Gunnar gave me a tight-lipped smile, and I ducked my chin, gave him a soft wave, and disappeared as quickly as I could toward the bunkhouse, hearing the two hands continue to ramble on about things that Gunnar needed to fix or take care of right now. Twisting the door handle, I kicked off my boots and stepped into the lonely, cold shelter. Despite the luxury of electricity that I now had access to and the heater that was working overtime, I felt no joy, only frozen desolation.

Not even the comforting warmth of a hot shower soothed the hollowness inside me. I scrounged through my luggage for a new pair of jeans, and paired it with a thick, pale green turtleneck sweater. Pulling on a beige vest and some thick socks, I sat down hard on the edge of my bed and stared.

I stared at the bunk across from me with its messy sheets. Socks that were tossed across the floor, and clothes strewn everywhere, and random makeup containers sat on the couch. Part of me knew that now that we were back, nothing would be the same. In the cold light of the real world, away from our cozy cabin for two, he would see just how unladylike I was in comparison to my cousins and for certain would want nothing to do with me. Gunnar would realize I wasn’t anything more than a momentary distraction, entertainment when there was nothing else to do.

No matter how much I was craving him, nothing would change for him. Yet for me, everything already had.

At that moment, the door opened, and a high-pitched cackle broke through the silence I’d been drowning in.

“Well, I hope that’s the last time you throw a tantrum,” Marissa said snidely, brushing her perfectly curled hair behind her shoulder. Two of my younger cousins, the regular minions that almost always tagged along, snickered beside her.

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