Page 9 of Invidia

“Oh! No, I’m sure that would be fine. Here, I’ll walk you back—”

“No, no, that’s not necessary, I promise. Stay. Enjoy the meal. I just have a headache. I think I need a lie down.”

“Did you have too much wine last night, too?” Verity asked from across the table. The knowing glint in her eye made me think she was giving me an easy out on purpose, though I didn’t think she knew why. She probably thought I’d just changed my mind on Phileas.

“Yeah. It must have been that,” I laughed, excusing myself. Phileas stood so I could climb off the bench, gently taking my elbow to steady me, since all the Shade furniture was designed for far-taller beings than myself. “I’m so sorry to run off like this. I’ll see you all later.”

I scurried off rather than hanging around to hear their answer. I was already going to have to do a walk of shame down the length of the dining hall. The sooner I could get it over and done with, the better.

“Here,” a member of the Guard said quietly, waving me over to a side door. “You can leave this way. I’ll walk you around to the front.”

Thank you, universe.

“You don’t have to do that,” I assured him, practically leaping for the escape from all the eyes on me, and slipping out into a corridor.

On second thoughts, he might have to show me the way out. I didn’t recognize this part of the palace at all.

“I kind of do,” he said sheepishly. “You’re not strictly allowed in this corridor, but I’m sure the queen would argue in your favor if anyone questioned it. I’m Verner, by the way. If you’ll follow me?”

“Okay, thanks. I really appreciate you helping me out.”

Verner inclined his head, his mouth tilting up in a small smile before he headed off down the hallway, leaving me to power walk in his wake in my stupid, embarrassing shoes.

“I hope you enjoyed the ball last night?” Verner said politely.

“I did, thank you. Did you attend?”

God, I hoped this was a short walk because I wasn’t sure I had anything left in the tank to be charming with. The urge to ask Verner if he knew fellow member of the Guard, Evrin, was overwhelming, but I managed to tamp down the impulse in an attempt to preserve the last few shreds of my dignity.

“I did,” Verner replied, looking straight ahead, his tone not particularly inviting further conversation, which was just fine by me.

Maybe Evrin is working right now. Not all members of the Guard were stationed at the palace, and I’d never seen him around the place.

Or maybe he was tired after the ball and didn’t feel up to socializing again so soon. He wasn’t a social guy, he’d said as much.

Or maybe, Tallulah, he’s just not that into you.

But no one wanted to admit that to themselves, right? The utterly despairing level of rejection that came with the thought was almost too much to bear.

Especially because I’d only met him last night. God, it was so like me to get hung up on a guy I’d literally just met, who’d probably forgotten my name by now.

My face burned hot at the memory of how cocky I’d been this morning. Why hadn’t I just kept my stupid mouth shut? If I hadn’t blathered on about what a great night I’d had with a great Shade, the others would be none the wiser. They’d be tactful because they always were, but the humiliation was going to haunt me in the early hours of the morning for the rest of my life.

Verner left me at the border of Elverston House with another discreet nod before heading back to the palace, and I grabbed my stuff from my bedroom before making a beeline for the thermal pools under the house.

It was a whole bathroom complex down here, with private water closets built into the walls around the edges, and enormous steaming pools in the middle, with only just enough orb light to illuminate the space.

I wanted this outfit off me. I wanted to scrub the makeup off my face and pretend this stupid updo had never existed. I wanted to wallow in the hot pool and my shame.

Maybe I wanted to cry a little bit, too.

Not over a guy I’d only met twenty-four hours ago. That would be stupid.

Right?

Right.

I was crying for other, unrelated reasons. Probably.

---