Page 44 of Invidia

I shrugged. “Just a guess. I’m not concerned for your safety or anything—he’s very honorable. He just doesn’t seem like… you.”

Tallulah swallowed loudly, dropping her gaze to the floor.

“What have you advised your committee of experts to look for in a prospective mate?” I asked, silently demanding her attention once more. Needing to see those beautiful eyes staring back at me.

“Committee of experts?” she repeated, spluttering slightly. “It’s nothing so formal as you’re imagining. I’m just… helping the king and queen out. Taking some of the pressure off of them that they’re facing from the Council of Shades, and the other fancy Shades around the realm who feel like they aren’t getting enough attention. Or I’m trying to, but my dates keep mysteriously vanishing.”

“I know you’re fond of putting other people’s wishes before your own, but surely, you’re a little curious about them for your own benefit, too? Hoping that they’ll be a good fit for you?”

“I want to find love. Is that so outrageous? I know I’m not perfect, but I think I am worthy of that. And I have a lot of love to give.”

I softened my tone, the defensiveness in hers making my chest ache. “You are more than worthy of love, Tallulah. You’re incredible, and I have no doubt that whoever you choose to bestow your affections on will be the luckiest Shade in the realm. And that is why I will keep interfering—to make sure you don’t have entirely unsuitable Shades like Tavaris sitting across the table from you, salivating over your neck as though they are even remotely worthy of placing their bite there.”

Tallulah’s face was carefully blank, but her scent wasn’t. It sweetened instantly, filling the warm air with the smell of her need.

I swallowed thickly, pressing myself as far back against the wall as I could go without leaving the room entirely. Perhaps leaving would have been the smarter thing to do, but I was too fucking obsessed with her to go through with it, even if I was trying to do the right thing and let her move on.

“Don’t say stuff like that,” Tallulah whispered, breathing heavily. “I can’t… I can’t keep a lid on how I’m feeling when you say stuff like that.”

“I’m sorry you feel like you have to,” I rasped. Desire, I reminded myself. It’s just desire. I wanted to say more, wanted to beg to get inside her head and find out what she was thinking and whether there was any affection there for me or if I’d squandered even the potential of it, leaving only sexual attraction in its wake.

But I couldn’t do that. She clearly didn’t place the same importance on horns as everyone else in the realm did, but it would come up eventually. It would ruin her life here, her social standing, her friendships. Undoubtedly, if she wore my bite, Tallulah would be treated with the same revulsion I was, and that idea was untenable.

“Can you find your way out of here?” I asked. “Or shall I walk you up…?"

Her scent soured instantly. “I know my way back from the kitchens. Thanks, though. I guess I’ll see you around.”

I nodded once, backing out of the room so I could keep her in my sights until the last possible moment, memorizing her pouty, down-turned mouth and glistening blue eyes.

The goddesses were cruel indeed to put Tallulah in my path but make me too damaged to keep her, and I cursed them every step of the way to see Captain Soren and report on my shift.

“There you are!” Damen huffed, intercepting me on my way back to the barracks after I’d debriefed Soren. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

I glanced behind me, though I was certain I hadn’t heard anyone else on the path.

“You, Evrin.”

“What is it? Has something happened?”

“Tallulah’s date is going terribly. This is a great opportunity for you, come on.” He grabbed my arm with an impatient huff—the physical contact startling me—and tugged me toward the palace, only releasing me when he was satisfied that I was keeping pace with him.

I watched surreptitiously to see if he would try to wipe the hand that had touched me on something, but he didn’t.

“Damen… This isn’t a good idea. I need to stop getting in her way. I want Tallulah to be happy.”

Damen shot me a dismissive look over his shoulder. “And you think she’s going to be happy with Aither?”

I came to a stop, forcing him to do the same. “Obviously not, but that doesn’t mean that I should interfere. I can’t keep interfering. Everyone is going to start noticing how much I speak to her if I keep doing this, how much she speaks to me. You know that would be disastrous for Tallulah.”

Damen scowled as though this personally offended him, which wasn’t the reaction I’d expected. While he’d never been as bothered about my condition as, well, everyone else in the realm, he’d never voiced any opinion to indicate that the treatment of me had bothered him.

“I’m not saying it will be easy, but times are changing. Don’t you think she’s worth it?”

It was easy for him to say, and yet the words were still a blow to my chest. “Of course, Tallulah is worth it. That’s why I have to stay away. Damen, she doesn’t understand. She doesn’t get why everyone treats me the way they do. I’m not even sure she’s noticed how bad it is. And I can live with it, but I’d fucking kill someone who spoke to her as if she was less than because of me.”

Damen’s shadows rippled in irritation, but he didn’t argue with me. He couldn’t. We both knew that I was telling the truth.

“At least if you explain it, explain the… risks, Tallulah would be able to make that decision for herself.”

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