Page 32 of Invidia

She was sitting with Meera, and the latest Hunter to defect to the shadow realm, Iris. Interestingly, Damen had condescended to sit with the masses rather than make a grand entrance with the king and queen before sitting at the high table as he usually did.

I found myself drifting toward Tallulah, despite my best intentions, following the path around the outer ring of the dining hall that the guards who patrolled this area used. The look on her face wasn’t helping in my attempts to resist the pull. She looked… lost, somehow. Which was absurd, because Tallulah was one of the most sought-after beings in this room, and should theoretically feel at home anywhere in the shadow realm simply by virtue of what she was.

But I knew that wasn’t how Tallulah thought. Tallulah didn’t feel like she belonged. She felt anxious, and worried about what other people were thinking, and whether or not she was living up to their expectations.

And that bothered me. When it had been just the two of us, she’d been able to get out of her own head, and a happy, radiant Tallulah was a fucking sight to behold, and I wanted her to feel that confidence all of the time, even in a crowded room.

Tallulah looked up as I approached her already full table, as if she could sense my presence. There was a brief flash of surprise on her face before she schooled her expression into something perfectly neutral and gave me a polite nod. It was like a blow to the chest with a silver blade.

“Evrin!” Damen called out, waving me over. “What are you doing out in the light? I haven’t seen you in years.”

He stood, clapping me hard on the back—the physical affection making me startle—and gesturing for a courtly-looking Shade to move down and make room for me. He practically fell off the bench in his rush to get away from me, which in this instance, was an advantage of my condition.

What was I doing? Tallulah didn’t want me here. That brilliant, beautiful confidence wasn’t mine to give. That came from within her. I’d just had the privilege of witnessing it from time to time.

“I thought I’d try spending more time outside. It’s nice out here.”

Damen laughed loudly before turning his attention to the three ex-Hunters at the table. “Ladies, I’m guessing you haven’t met Evrin—he patrols in the in-between. Evrin, this is Iris, Meera, and Tallulah.”

“We’ve met,” Meera volunteered. “At the Curia.”

She glanced at Tallulah, the one who’d introduced us, but Tallulah pressed her mouth into a thin line and said nothing.

It was possible that she wasn’t best pleased to see me.

“Patrolling the in-between sounds like a difficult job?” Meera ventured tentatively, shooting Tallulah a questioning look. Probably because Tallulah was always polite and charming, everyone knew that. She was well known for her conversational skills.

“It’s not difficult so much as tedious,” I replied, hoping my relaxed tone smoothed over the obvious awkwardness. Even Damen, who could be rather self-absorbed, seemed to have picked up on the tension.

“Why would it be difficult?” Iris asked, tilting her head toward me.

“It’s just darkness as far as the eye can see,” I explained. “It’s considered somewhat oppressive.”

Suddenly, everyone was silent—eerily so. Even Tallulah had swapped her haughty expression for something more akin to horrified.

Had I said something wrong? This is why I didn’t socialize. It felt as though I was constantly balancing on a precipice with every word I said.

“Endless darkness can be very tedious,” Iris agreed serenely. “I hope they’re not all glaring at you for pointing that out. Just because I’m always in the dark doesn’t mean others aren’t allowed to express their discomfort. It’s not a competition.”

Iris had the calmest manner of speaking I’d ever heard, but the censure in her voice was clear, though not directed at me.

Oh. Oh. She couldn’t see.

Perhaps I should just leave now. The captain was busy, with far more important things on his mind than my whereabouts. He probably wouldn’t notice.

“Of course not,” Damen said hurriedly, more contrite than I’d ever seen him. In fact, I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him contrite.

“Are you two old friends?” Tallulah asked politely, looking between Damen and me. I hated the indifference in her voice, but it at least moved the subject along after my misstep.

Tallulah’s irritation with me also seemed to have replaced the worry she’d appeared to be feeling before I’d interrupted, which I was choosing to interpret as a positive side effect of my presence, though it was probably an arrogant assumption to make.

“Something like that.” Damen grinned, though I detected a hint of uneasiness in it as he glanced at Iris.

“We were comrades in hedonism when we were young and stupid,” I added dryly, because I wasn’t about to cover for him. There were always members of the Guard who joined for the escapism, and Prince Damen had been plenty wayward and eager to indulge them in his youth.

Damen had never held my lack of horns against me. He’d barely even acknowledged it.

“Very young,” Damen agreed hastily, still watching Iris’s reactions. “And we weren’t that stupid.”

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