Page 23 of Invidia

Everyone would notice, though. Eventually. They’d notice, and they’d think that I was sloppy or that I didn’t care about this house. And I did. I cared so much. I just wanted everything to be perfect, and for everyone to be happy, and for me to be happy. Was that too much to ask?

“I’m going to redo them,” I announced, clambering back up the rickety wooden ladder. Meera made a sound of alarm, coming to the bottom to hold on to it.

“Were you up this by yourself earlier, Tallulah?! You do know the stone floor would be an uncomfortable landing spot for your skull, right?”

Coming from the usually even-tempered Meera, that was a real scolding.

“Sorry, I should have asked for help,” I said, genuinely contrite.

She hummed, unconvinced, watching as I pulled the first hooks out of the loops, the curtains instantly sagging toward the floor. “I really think you should go for your morning walk. You seem out of sorts today.”

I yanked out the next hook a little more aggressively than necessary before taking a deep, calming breath. I’d really lose my shit if I ripped the curtain now.

“I’ll head out for a walk. It’s a good idea,” I agreed, though this time I was going to actually walk. Just meander around on my lonesome, and let the uncomfortable emotions I’d been trying to distract myself from fester a little.

Even if I wanted to hang out with someone, monopolizing Meera’s time was my only option. Ophelia was busier than ever these days. Astrid’s work schedule had picked up too, and Austin was rarely at court. Verity had been the one who was always available for socializing, but she was happily ensconced at her new estate, probably painting the ancient stonework pastel pink.

Evrin was the one I wanted to spend time with, but he was also the one I was trying to distance myself from. Not forever, I hoped. But I needed some time to pull myself together.

The heavy fabric pooled in a sad-looking pile on the ground that I would undoubtedly regret leaving there later, but couldn’t be bothered tackling at that moment. Instead, I clambered down, gave Meera a quick hug, then let myself out of the house, traipsing through Meera’s increasingly impressive vegetable garden until I got to the ex-Hunters-only border of the property. I didn’t really have any direction in mind, but I found myself heading for the river opposite the property and sitting down against a thick tree on the bank, watching the calm ripples of the silvery gray water while I fantasized about sexy, sexy premade roller blinds.

They wouldn’t solve all my problems, but it was the kind of obvious quick fix that made it feel like it would solve all my problems. Like when my last serious relationship had ended, and I’d been convinced all that I needed to feel better were blunt bangs and a little rose tattoo on my ankle.

“Hey.”

I let out an ungainly squawk at the sound of Evrin’s voice, scrambling awkwardly to my feet to find him standing a couple of feet away. He looked almost sheepish, which was a different look on him. Usually, he was the epitome of unbothered while I analyzed every single thing I’d done and said in his presence, wondering if I’d scared him off yet.

“You scared the bejeezus out of me,” I panted, clutching my chest as he silently mouthed “bejeezus” to himself. “What are you doing here? Hasn’t your shift started?”

“Yes, but you weren’t in the garden. I came to make sure you were alright. I hope that’s okay. No one saw me.”

No one saw me.

My insecurities reared up like a lion, ready to take a swipe. I could see it happening.

This man—this Shade, rather—didn’t claim me. He didn’t want me to be his. I knew that I was all self-protective claws and get-ahead-of-the-pain teeth in that moment, but I was too far gone to pull it back.

“I’m surprised you sought me out in the daylight.” Stop talking, I told myself in vain. Don’t say it. Don’t let the unhealed version of you win. “Given that you don’t want to be seen with me.”

Evrin’s expression was absolutely unreadable. “Right.”

Oh, I was definitely spiraling. I could feel it. I could see it happening right in front of me, like someone else was in the driver’s seat. But it was all me. I’d said the words, hoping that he’d give me some kind of reassurance in return, some acknowledgment that I wasn’t his dirty little secret.

And he hadn’t.

“Is that not an accurate read of the situation?” I pressed, because apparently I was in the mood to hurt my own feelings today.

Evrin shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his shadows moving restlessly around him. “Yes. It is. I want what’s best for you, Tallulah.”

God, that felt like such a copout. He was what was best for me, only he didn’t seem to agree.

My chest felt strange, and I was more than a little worried that I was going to burst into tears, which would be an additional humiliation I didn’t really want to deal with right now.

Why had I even brought this up? Things had been going fine, so long as I didn’t pay too much attention to the gnawing sensation in the back of my mind.

No, I knew why.

The Duke of Lindow had shown up and Verity had just… picked him. For reasons that literally no one understood, because he looked one gust of wind away from death and he seemed like an arrogant asshole to boot, she’d decided that she’d have him. And he’d immediately chosen her right back, albeit in an extremely bizarre way.

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