Page 97 of Undoing

“When I woke up, I was right back there in the worst time of my life. The weird thing is, now that I have my memory back, I can compare what I felt then to what I felt this time around. The pain, the fear, and even the guilt were gone. Instead, I felt confused and… incomplete. I knew that had nothing to do with Samantha, so I couldn’t understand where that feeling was coming from. Then you walked into my room, and that feeling disappeared. Of course, I didn’t realize why then because I was mortified that this incredibly sexy woman was seeing me in a hospital gown with messed up hair, no makeup, and bad breath.”

Cass couldn’t help but laugh at the face Rebecca made. “You were beautiful. You always are to me. All I cared about was that you were awake.”

“And that I didn’t know you,” Rebecca reminded her. “But deep down, I think I did, which is probably why I was so open with you. Cassidy, those things I told you were on my mind because, well, that’s where my mind was. Everything Samantha put me through was right there, front and center. But when we met five years ago, I was years removed from all of that and had spent countless hours trying to forget. Once you and I were together and I fell in love with you, I never had to hold anything back. I could let them go. That’s the gift you gave me. And listen, we’ve only been together three of my forty-four — almost forty-five — years on this earth. We still have so much to learn about each other.”

Well, when Rebecca said it that way, Cass’s worries seemed unjustified. She bowed her head only to have Rebecca raise it with a fingertip.

“As for this assumption that you’re just a sub to me, Cassidy, you never were. Not even when you came into the Pink Room the first time. It hurts me that you feel that way.”

“It hurts me that I don’t know if you gave me that kind of pleasure because of the tumor or not,” Cass confessed, deliberately using Rebecca’s own words.

Rebecca dropped her gaze for a moment. “It wasn’t the tumor, that much I know.”

“How?”

“Because I remember exactly how I felt that day. I thought we had this conversation already. Why is it bothering you again?”

Cass shook her head. “You told me you never did that to… her because she was a sadist. Last night, you said it was never done to you because you were a sub, and subs didn’t deserve that kind of pleasure. Which one is true?”

Rebecca tilted her head and raised a brow. “Is there a reason that both can’t be true?”

Cass opened her mouth, then closed it. No, there wasn’t a reason. And now Cass felt even more like a dick. “No, but if they’re both true, why wouldn’t you tell me that the first time?” Oh, sure. Double down on your dickness. Fuck, Cass wanted to punch herself at this point.

Rebecca sighed. “It had nothing to do with you and everything to do with how I felt about my… arrangement with Samantha. I’m not proud of who I was back then. I sometimes wonder how I ever allowed myself to fall for her bullshit. But what it was is nothing like what you and I have now. There was no mutual respect, no love. Hell, there was nothing but pain and sadness. God, I hope I don’t make you feel that way.”

“You don’t,” Cass reassured Rebecca. She hung her head, berating herself for even starting this with Rebecca. After everything they’d been through the past few weeks, this could have waited. Or Cass could have forgone the idiocy altogether. “I’m so sorry, Becca.”

Rebecca took Cassidy’s hand, relieved when Cassidy didn’t pull away. “I think the stress of the tumor and the memory loss has affected both of us. I don’t think you would have felt this way had I not forgotten you. Or us.”

“I know that wasn’t your fault. It was so stupid to blame you.” Tears threatened again, and Cass wondered if the two of them would ever recover from this. Would they be Rebecca and Cass again? Or Mistress and Cassidy? Or would this conversation become the wedge that breaks them apart?

“And it was stupid and irresponsible of me to insinuate you would ever cheat on me. Or hurt me in any way,” Rebecca admitted. “We didn’t handle this very well, did we? If this was a test, we made a solid D at best.”

Cass’s lips curled in a slight grin. “Eh, I give us points for not letting it stew and being honest with each other.” She paused. “Okay, I give you points. I ran away like a little pussy.”

Rebecca’s lips twitched. “I like it when you say pussy.” She stroked Cassidy’s blushing cheek. “You know, I believe there’s a silver lining to all of this.”

“Yeah?” Cass leaned into Rebecca’s touch. “Care to share?”

“I got a second chance,” Rebecca answered simply.

“Second chance?” Cass sat back, beckoning Rebecca to join her. She was delighted when Rebecca snuggled into her side. “What do you mean by that?”

Rebecca’s body relaxed when Cass wrapped her arms around her. “Let’s see if I can explain this. Despite my embarrassment by my appearance when you visited me at the hospital, I was so smitten with you that I was sad I might never see you again. Those types of emotions were so foreign to me that I equated them with how a teenager might feel with her first serious crush,” Rebecca laughed. “I thought about you constantly and asked about you. Then you showed up at Aunt Wills’s all sweet and charming, and, oh, the butterflies in my tummy went crazy.” She laid a hand over her belly, remembering how she felt seeing Cassidy standing at the door. “That night, I was reading in bed and kept imagining your face as the main character.”

Cass smiled, captivated by Rebecca’s story. “You’re always the main character, baby. But I’m happy to play the role of the love interest.”

Rebecca shook her head. “Nope. In my mind, you’re the hero. You proved it that day I almost passed out, and you picked me up and held me in your arms.” Rebecca over-exaggerated a sigh, fanning herself as she dramatically melted into Cassidy.

Cass tightened her arms around Rebecca, laughing at the theatrics. “I would put on my shining armor for you, but it’s being polished at the moment.”

“Darn!” Rebecca intertwined her fingers with Cassidy’s. “We’re going to revisit that one day, though.” She brought both of their hands up to her head and gently tapped her temple. “Making a mental note to find shining armor.” Then she hugged Cassidy’s arms around her waist again, appreciating the feeling of safety it brought her. “You know, I wouldn’t change the way we met because that story is uniquely ours. But I don’t know. I kind of love not having to wonder what it would have been like if we had met before I hardened myself as Mistress. That’s my silver lining, getting to meet you all over again as Rebecca without the not-so-subtle undertones of sex hanging in the air between us. That’s not to say I wasn’t attracted to you because I definitely was. But I felt… courted. I felt normal. You took me on a date,” Rebecca said with a wide smile. “Once again, you gifted me something I’d never had before. You kept showing up, and even though I know how much it must’ve hurt, you left me each night with a smile that promised I would see you again.”

Rebecca laid her head back onto Cassidy’s shoulder, closing her eyes when Cassidy buried her face in Rebecca’s neck.

“They say everything happens for a reason,” Cass began, her voice thick with emotion. “As much as it did hurt to be here in this house without you, I can’t deny how extraordinary it was to meet Rebecca before Mistress.”

“Hmm.” Rebecca thought about that for a moment.

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