Page 76 of Undoing

“You know what’s not normal? You going all super shrink.”

“That doesn’t negate the fact that I’m right. In fact, I would venture to say that makes me right because I’m a professional.”

“Professional pain in my ass,” Rebecca mumbled.

“I will dump your ass right here on the curb, woman.”

Rebecca snickered. “That’s not much of a threat since I’m getting out here anyway.”

“You really don’t want me to help you?”

“It’s two bags, Aunt Wills. I can manage, but thank you.” Rebecca leaned over and hugged Willamena. “You’re always saving me.”

Willamena’s smile faltered. “I will always be here for you, my sweet girl. Now, go on, get out of here.”

Rebecca patted Willamena’s hand. “I love you, too.” She stepped out of the car, grabbing her stuff from the back seat. Her heart was pounding in her chest. What if…? Rebecca knocked on the window so Aunt Wills could roll it down. “What if she doesn’t want me to move back in?”

“Child, I will sell my Cracker Jack degree on Marketplace if that woman turns you away. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. I promise you. Cass loves you and would turn the world upside down for you. If you remember anything, remember that.”

Rebecca inhaled deeply through her nose and released it through her mouth. She then had a flash of doing the same thing with Ellie.

“Becca? Are you okay?”

“Hmm? Y-yes. I thought…” Rebecca shook her head. She didn’t know if what she had was a real memory or something her brain generated because of what she had recently learned about Ellie. “Nothing. I’m good. I’ll call you later. Uh, Cass will allow me to use her phone, right?”

Allow. “Rebecca, what you have with Cass is vastly different than what you had… before. You don’t have to be afraid to ask for anything. And I know what I said about Cass’s heart shattering if you changed your mind, but she would still understand. If you need to come back to my house for any reason, all you have to do is tell Cass, and she will drive you herself. She would do anything for you, even at the expense of her own happiness.”

My first priority is your welfare and recovery. Rebecca was beginning to think Cass was too good for her. “Okay!” Rebecca stood tall and squared her shoulders. She looked confident to anyone on the outside, but in reality, she was trying to keep her lunch from making an appearance. “Wish me luck!”

“You don’t need it. All you need is to be yourself and let things play out naturally. Don’t rush this, Rebecca. No one has a stopwatch, and there’s no timeline. Got it?”

“Got it,” Rebecca winked and waved before making her way up the driveway.

Cass stacked canvases next to her easel. She felt a little lighter after handing off a few pieces to Lauren. They weren’t typical pieces from Cass, and she was concerned they wouldn’t be accepted. But Lauren was enthusiastic when she came to pick them up. Of course, they still had to pass Eve and Lainey’s inspection. Whatever happened, Cass was proud of her work.

Art is an expression of your emotions, not a fulfillment of an obligation. Cass had taken Eve’s words to heart. Though there were times when she had nothing to express because it was all too much for her, there were also moments when everything she felt flowed from the tip of the paintbrush. The work was chaotic at times, with bold colors contrasting against the white of the canvas in volatile patterns. Then the mood would shift, and Cass’s art would shift with it. Canvases painted entirely black with muted colors calming the unrest in Cass’s heart.

The one color she shied away from was the one that made her body respond the most. When Cass touched any shade of pink, her body burned with the need for her wife—for Mistress. Is that what Rebecca felt with her urges? When Rebecca came to Cass with needs that her body demanded, Cass couldn’t understand. By talking more with Dr. Woodrow, they would both learn that Rebecca had been conditioned, that it was what her body was used to and that she could crave it at any given time. That’s what the color pink did to Cass. It ignited her… desire.

Desire was something Cass wanted to stay away from these days. Her art helped. Painting kept her occupied for most of the day. Visiting Rebecca, oddly enough, helped as well. It reminded her how different things were at the moment. For the most part, Cass did fairly well keeping her brain and libido in check. But the night, when it was time to sleep, the dreams came. Dreams that were full of Rebecca/Mistress. They were so vivid that Cass considered staying asleep until Rebecca came back to her to ‘feel’ those hands, that body, and that mouth on her. One night, Cass woke up, stroking herself. Instead of feeling good, it felt like… cheating. After that, Cass vowed not to touch herself again until Rebecca came back to her.

Cass sighed and checked her watch. She had time to grab a quick shower before heading over to Aunt Wills’s place. This time, though, she didn’t have an excuse. Now that Rebecca knew they were married, Cass’s only ‘excuse’ was showing up. She sure as hell wasn’t going to let Rebecca ever believe Cass wasn’t fighting for her. For them.

Cass had just made it to the bedroom, her shirt halfway off, when she heard the doorbell. “Gah, dammit,” she muttered, trying to stuff her head back into her shirt, only to get it stuck in the armhole. She was in the process of getting unstuck when she ran into the doorjamb. “Son of a fuck. If this is someone wanting to sell me a car warranty…” Cass made it down the stairs without killing herself and finally got herself situated. She took a deep breath to calm her annoyance before opening the door.

“B-Becca?” Cass stared at Rebecca for ten seconds, then looked around. There was no car, and no Willamena. “How? Did you come here by yourself?”

Rebecca noticed Cass’s disheveled hair and wrinkled shirt. “Um, Aunt Wills dropped me off. Am I interrupting something?”

“Huh?” Again, Cass looked around. “Dropped you off?” Eventually, Cass looked down and saw a couple of bags by Rebecca’s feet. “I don’t understand.”

“Can I come in? Or are you busy?” Rebecca’s heart was beating frantically. She saw Lauren leave, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t someone else here, right? Rebecca quickly shooed that thought away, choosing to believe Aunt Wills that Cass… loved her.

“Shit! Yes! I mean, no. I mean.” Cass rolled her eyes. “No, I’m not busy. Yes, please come in.” She stooped to pick up Rebecca’s things, still confused by what was happening. All Cass knew for sure was that Rebecca was there, and that made Cass deliriously happy.

“Are you okay?” Rebecca stepped inside, allowing Cass enough room to close the door. She was nervous as fuck. So far, nothing felt familiar, and Cass didn’t seem as happy to see her as Rebecca had hoped or imagined. She had to remind herself that Cass had no idea Rebecca would be showing up at her front door, luggage in hand, and that was probably throwing Cass off balance.

“Yeah!” Stop yelling at her, dumbass! You’re going to scare her. “I’m so sorry. I was about to get in the shower, but then I got my head stuck in my shirt and ran into the wall. And now you’re standing here, and I’m wondering if I hit my head a little harder than I thought, and maybe I’m really just passed out with my head stuck in my armhole and dreaming.”

---