Page 55 of Undoing

Rebecca smiled sweetly. “I’d like that.” She yawned again and laughed. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Cass brushed her fingertips over Rebecca’s soft cheek. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

Rebecca nodded. As much as she wanted Cass to stay, she was having a difficult time keeping her eyes open. “Soon.”

Cass sat there, staring at a blank canvas. Don’t try to paint if your heart isn’t in it. Her heart was only a couple of miles away, though it felt further somehow. Tonight, however, gave Cass hope. Rebecca still may not remember Cass, but there was something there. That spark that lit Cass’s fire the first time around burned a little brighter tonight. She could feel it. The way Rebecca touched and looked at her? It was familiar, yet new. And oh, so exciting.

Cass picked up her paintbrush, and with the feel of holding Rebecca still lingering, she made the first stroke. She had no vision, no plan for this painting. But her heart was there. Cass wasn’t able to express her love for Rebecca verbally. Or even with the actions she had become so accustomed to. Had she taken Rebecca for granted? Oh, she had always shown Rebecca love and attention. But could she have done better with just being with Rebecca?

She didn’t know if she deserved a second chance with Rebecca, but Cass sure as hell would fight for one. This time, she’d do it differently. She’d do it right. Rebecca would know without a doubt that Cass’s life meant nothing without her. It wasn’t about the sex — no matter how incredible it was. It was Rebecca herself that completed Cass. After years of being ‘Cassanova’ and never feeling the urge to be tied down with someone, Rebecca appeared seemingly out of nowhere and flipped Cass’s world upside down. And sideways. And catawampus.

Cass chuckled, the low sound filling the silent air. “Catawampus. Maybe that should be my new safe word.”

That made Cass think of Mistress. Mistress isn’t someone Rebecca created, Cass. She is Rebecca. Cass hoped Eve was right. While there are things Cass would change about how she showed Rebecca love, the one thing she didn’t want to change was submitting to Mistress. Giving herself to Rebecca fully was a true sign of trust for Cass. If Mistress really were a part of Rebecca, Cass would be more than happy to help bring that side out again.

“We just need to balance every aspect of our lives better,” Cass told herself. That included work, home life, sex life, social life, and… family life. While Rebecca couldn’t have kids, the discussion of adopting was never off the table. Cass wasn’t sure that would be the direction their lives would go, but it was definitely something to discuss with Rebecca in depth to get a definitive answer. They had both been anxious to get Mocha back, though… Cass smiled. With Rebecca slowing down and Cass determined to slow down with her, this had been the perfect time to see how well they did with having a full-time living being dependent on them. How would Rebecca react if Cass brought Mocha around to… reconnect?

Cass sighed and put her brush down. “Ugh! I’m overthinking this. We were great before the tumor. We’ll be even better after. I’ll get Rebecca and Mocha back and show them both I’m all in.” She looked at her canvas and laughed. “And hopefully Mocha has learned that our toys are not hers.”

“You’re up late.”

Rebecca bobbled the mug she had just taken down from the cabinet. “Please don’t do that.” She puffed out her cheeks and tried to regulate her heartbeat. It seemed that whenever Rebecca’s pulse pounded, so did her head.

“Do what?” Willamena took the mug from Rebecca’s trembling hands.

“Sneak up on me. And I was going to make some tea, so I’m going to need that.”

“Sit. I’ll make you some.” Willamena waited until Rebecca complied with her request, then went to work on making that tea. “Just so you know, I didn’t sneak up on you. You, however, were lost in thought. Care to share?”

“I was… trying to remember.”

“Remember what?”

“Everything, Aunt Wills. But mostly… Cass.”

Willamena smiled to herself. “You like her.” You love her.

“She’s sweet. Definitely different than…”

“Than what you’re used to?” Willamena helped. She set Rebecca’s mug in front of her, then took a seat, dunking her tea bag as she observed Rebecca as a psychiatrist. “Does that scare you?”

Rebecca raised a brow. “Seriously? You’re going to psychoanalyze me now?”

“Perks of the job,” Willamena teased. “You know, I happen to be pretty good at my job. But if you don’t want to talk about this, I won’t make you.”

“Can I ask you something?” Rebecca said instead of acknowledging Aunt Wills’s offer not to talk.

“Of course.”

“Why did I choose Samantha? Did — or do — I know that answer? Mom and Dad didn’t raise me to be weak. Nor did you. I don’t understand why I would choose to be with a sadist like Samantha. And stay with her for years. H-how do I trust what I think I feel for Cass if I don’t trust myself to make good decisions?”

Willamena reached over and took Rebecca’s hand. “We have discussed this, and it took you years to forgive yourself for the choices you made. But I’ll tell you now what I’ve always told you. You weren’t the weak one. Samantha was. Rebecca, you have been pushing yourself since your parents died. It got to the point where all you did was work and study. Friendships suffered, and as a result, so did your confidence. Not in your abilities but in who you were. You had been called ‘boring’ so many times you needed to prove to yourself you weren’t. Samantha was… exciting at the time. She introduced you to a world you didn’t know you needed or wanted. Only, the way she did it nearly broke you.”

“She did break me, Aunt Wills,” Rebecca said, staring into her tea. Surely, Cass would see through whatever facade Rebecca must have been flaunting these past couple of decades.

Willamena shook her head. “I disagree. You are so different now.” Especially from the first time you woke up in the hospital after Samantha tried to kill you. “You may have been knocked down, but you were never broken.”

Rebecca frowned. “Is that what I’m doing with Cass? Finding something ‘exciting’ with someone who is clearly way younger than I am?”

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