Page 47 of Undoing

Hunter touched her forehead to Ellie’s. “It hurt when she didn’t recognize me. I can’t imagine how Cass felt. I don’t blame her, you know. If you didn’t remember me, I’d probably go a little insane, too. Don’t be too hard on her, please?”

Ellie smiled and leaned in for a quick kiss. “I won’t. However, if it happens again, I won’t be as forgiving. I’m going down to the shoreline to talk to her. I’ll be back in a bit.”

“‘Kay, babe. I’ll pretend not to watch you from the window.”

Ellie laughed. “Do you think Cass is going to hurt me?”

“Nope. But if she says the wrong thing, I can’t be certain you won’t hurt her.” Hunter kissed her wife again, swatting her lightly on the ass as she walked away.

Cass felt an arm wrap around the crook of her elbow, and for a split second, she thought it was Rebecca. She looked down and saw Ellie’s honey-blonde hair. On the one hand, it hurt her heart that it wasn’t Rebecca. On the other hand, this was a good sign that Ellie really did forgive Cass for her stupidity.

“I don’t know what to do,” Cass began, tears not even taking the time to threaten, just freely falling. “If this was Miranda or some other douchcanoe trying to hurt Becca, I could help. I could physically protect her. But this? How do I fight this, El?”

“Sometimes fighting isn’t the answer. Protecting Rebecca can mean many things. Like continuing to love her even when she doesn’t know she loves you.”

“That’s not a problem. My fear is… that her memory won’t come back, and I’ll lose her. What happens then? If she doesn’t remember me or our life together…”

“Then you make her fall in love with you again,” Ellie answered after a moment’s pause. She couldn’t fathom a life where Cass and Rebecca weren’t together. It just seemed… wrong. “You did it before and quite fast, if I remember correctly.”

Cass smiled, then frowned. “But she’s not the same Rebecca. I’m not saying I feel differently about her,” she said quickly. “I’m saying she had years to get over what that fucker…” Cass winced, remembering who she was talking to. “Sorry.”

Ellie bumped Cass with her shoulder. “I don’t know why people think I don’t use that word or that it embarrasses me. Say it all you want. Especially about the woman who hurt Rebecca.”

Cass nodded distractedly. “The point I was trying to make was it took Rebecca years to become confident again. And that’s the woman who fell in love with me. What if this version… can’t?”

Ellie stopped walking and plopped down in the soft sand, patting the spot next to her for Cass to join her. “Have you ever heard of the term muscle memory?”

Cass dusted sand off her hands, bringing her knees up to lean on them as she considered Ellie’s question. “Yeah. It’s like when you do something over and over, and your muscles just sort of remember the motions.”

“Mmhmm. Did you know that the heart is a muscle?” Ellie rested her head on Cass’s shoulder, hoping she could help ease Cass’s fears. “I’m not a doctor, so I can’t give you all the scientific… what did you call it? Mumbo jumbo? However, I do know Rebecca quite well. She loves you so much, Cass. Not even brain surgery could change those feelings that are so deeply ingrained in her. I truly believe that.”

Cass sighed as she stared at the crashing waves of the incoming tide. “Even this less confident Rebecca?”

“Even this one.”

“How?” Cass glanced over at Ellie. She knew Ellie was aware of how Cass and Rebecca had met. It was much easier to get someone to fall in love with you when you were giving them incredible orgasms. Unfortunately, Cass didn’t think that would be an option this time around.

“You’re worried that without sex, you can’t win her over?” When Cass nodded, Ellie knew she had guessed perfectly what was plaguing Cass’s mind. “Believe it or not, when Rebecca talks about how she fell in love with you, she doesn’t talk about the sex. You won her over, Cass. Who you are and how you treat her. It’s knowing everything you know about her and still thinking she’s perfect. It’s you, Cass. All you need to do is be yourself.” Ellie hesitated a split second, then said, “And be as persistent as you were before.”

Those ever-present tears refused to stay put again, sliding down Cass’s cheeks unchecked. “Even this Rebecca?” she asked softly.

“Any version of Rebecca Cuinn-Giles will fall for you every time, any time.”

Cass’s lips twitched, and a smile threatened to form, but sitting here talking about Rebecca and being unable to be with her hurt Cass’s soul.

“I should be there with her,” Cass said aloud. “I know she has Aunt Wills, but it should be me. Instead, I went to a fucking bar.”

Ellie sniffed near Cass. “You don’t smell like alcohol.”

“I didn’t drink. I wanted to, but I thought about how disappointed Rebecca would be if I did. She doesn’t think drinking solves problems,” Cass explained. “I get that after what she went through in her past.”

Ellie stretched out her legs in front of her, trying to relieve the pressure on her bad hip. She would sit there as long as Cass needed her to, so she found a comfortable enough position and settled in.

“She told us that once at a girls’ night. One of us was having a bad day, and Rebecca suggested we do something other than drink to sort it out. She said drinking to get rid of a problem only creates another problem. We ate cake instead,” Ellie chuckled.

This time, Cass did smile. “That’s my girl. I left the bar and came straight here for guidance.” Cass touched Ellie’s hand briefly. “I’m glad I did. I know that if Rebecca doesn’t regain her memory before being released from the hospital, she’s not going to come home with me. That’s my girl, too. She never wants to be a burden on anyone, though I would carry her burdens for the rest of my life if I had to. Going home and her not being there? God, that’s gonna suck so bad. But I think you’ve helped me hold onto hope that she and I will be together again.”

“You’re very sweet.” Ellie wrapped her arm around Cass’s back. “If that happens, make your presence known as often as you can. There will always be a reason for you to go and see her,” Ellie grinned. “Persistence, Cass. Just like before. Memory or not, Rebecca won’t be able to resist you.”

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