Page 44 of Undoing

“How long?”

Willamena put the call button back in its place. “How long?”

“How much time am I missing?”

“It’s 2023, Rebecca.” The dam burst, and Willamena held Rebecca as she wept quietly.

“I can do this by myself.”

“No, you can’t. Rebecca, you had brain surgery. This is one of those times when you must trust that I’m doing what’s best for you. Besides, I’ve seen you naked before, so you don’t need to be shy.”

Rebecca rolled her eyes. “Fine. Can I at least brush my teeth by myself?”

“If you behave.” Willamena was gracious enough to turn her back while Rebecca got undressed, affording Rebecca a modicum of privacy. “Do you want a shower cap?”

“No. I need to wash my hair. Dr. Lima said it’d be fine if you avoided the stitches.”

Willamena picked up a bottle of baby shampoo that a nurse must’ve brought in while Rebecca ate her dinner. “I’m guessing this is what I’m supposed to use.” Her eyes raised to the mirror in front of her, and she caught a glimpse of Rebecca’s bare back in the mirror, gasping in horror. Forgetting all about privacy, Willamena whirled around. “Is that what Samantha did to you?”

Rebecca turned her head, looking past Willamena in the mirror. She saw the scars and winced when she realized she must not have told her aunt everything.

“Rebecca, why? Why didn’t you tell me how bad it was?”

Rebecca crossed her arms across her bare chest. She felt vulnerable enough being naked. Talking about the scars that marred her back only heightened that feeling.

“How?” She bowed her head, unable to look Aunt Wills in the eye. “How was I supposed to tell you about the mess I got myself into? I was ashamed, Aunt Wills. Ashamed that I fell for her bullshit. And ashamed that I was too weak to leave.”

“You weren’t weak, Rebecca. You were conditioned and manipulated.” Willamena brushed past Rebecca to turn on the shower. She remembered how these conversations had gone in the past. The more Rebecca was pushed to discuss this subject, the less she did. The last thing Willamena wanted to do was pressure Rebecca, causing more stress. “What matters now is that it’s over.”

Rebecca frowned. It wasn’t like Aunt Wills — or Dr. Woodrow — to give up so easily. Of course, she was clever in trying to coerce information out of Rebecca, always respecting Rebecca’s boundaries. But she never just… quit.

“That’s it? No asking the same question fifteen different ways?”

Willamena shook her head. “I told you, Rebecca. This happened to you more than two decades ago. I’ve been your therapist for just as long. This amnesia… I don’t think it will last forever. And if you don’t have to go through it all again, I’d be more than happy to spare you that pain. However, I have to admit finding out you didn’t tell me about the scars is gnawing at me.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sure I had a good reason not to.” Rebecca stepped into the shower, appreciating the hot spray of the water cascading off her body. “It feels like I haven’t showered in years,” she said with a satisfied sigh. Just then, Rebecca’s stomach tightened as though it remembered something her mind couldn’t. She shivered with a strange feeling of… pleasure.

“Rebecca? Are you okay?”

“Hmm? Oh, um, y-yes. Sorry.” Rebecca took the soap from Aunt Wills. This part she could surely do herself. Her eyebrows furrowed when the loofah snagged on something at her belly. When she looked down, her frown deepened. A belly ring? When did I get that? Something else caught Rebecca’s eye a little lower, and she ran her finger over the small tattoo. She shook her head. It was too weird not having any recollection of getting these things on her body. Maybe when she got home, she could concentrate more on all the pieces missing in her memory.

“Do you think I’ll be able to go home tomorrow?” Rebecca stopped washing and frowned. “Where is home?”

Oh boy. “You… live with Cass.”

“I—” Rebecca stared at Aunt Wills and shook her head. “Aunt Wills, I can’t put this burden on a woman I can’t remember.”

“Cass would gladly take that burden, Rebecca. She would do anything for you.” She loves you deeply.

Again, tears filled Rebecca’s eyes. What was it about this Cass that made Rebecca feel so emotional? Obviously, if Rebecca lived with her, they were serious. But how serious? How much could Rebecca give of herself after Samantha? Especially when she didn’t feel worthy enough for someone like Cass. Because even if Rebecca didn’t remember her, she knew in her soul Cass was special.

“That may be true, but I just can’t do that to her. Or to myself. I already feel bad enough that I don’t remember her. But I don’t know if I can move to New York with you either.”

Willamena was still thinking about Rebecca’s admission of guilt about not remembering Cass that she almost missed that last part. “Oh, sweet girl, I live here now. Can we talk about why you feel bad about Cass?”

“Um, no. I want to talk about why you live here. Since when? You always said New York was your home.”

“And it was. Until it wasn’t.”

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