Page 23 of Undoing

“Sounds like a plan. Sure you don’t want to take a shower with me?” Another wiggle of the eyebrows brought on another giggle from Rebecca. Cass never felt prouder than when she could make a woman like Rebecca Cuinn-Giles giggle.

“I took a shower when I got home, baby.”

Cass made a face. “Had to get the clinic air off of ya, hmm?” She shivered. “It’s weird, isn’t it? Hospitals and clinics — especially Hunter’s — are probably the most sterile places to be, yet somehow I feel… icky every time I leave one.”

“Icky,” Rebecca repeated with mirth. “I guess you’re right. It doesn’t help when all your bits have been out for everyone to see.”

Cass laughed. “I suppose that doesn’t help mat… wait. Everyone?” She narrowed her eyes. “If Hunter copped a feel…”

“Don’t be crass, baby,” Rebecca snickered. “Hunter was the perfect gentlewoman and stayed away until it was time to give me results. Now, you’ve eaten up a lot of the time you had to take a shower before the food gets here. Get going.”

“Yes, Mistress,” Cass grinned. She leaned in and gave Rebecca a lingering kiss. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Mmhmm,” Rebecca answered distractedly. She could get lost in Cassidy’s kisses. It was tempting to do just that. To forget about the food, the exams, the diagnosis, and make love to Cassidy all night long, pretending everything was fine. The only problem with that is nothing would be resolved. So, instead of getting up and joining Cassidy, Rebecca patted her on the backside as Cassidy got up. She watched as Cassidy did a happy little jaunt to the stairs.

I’m going to destroy that happiness, Rebecca thought sadly. She picked up her phone, immediately putting it down again. She was restless. A restless Rebecca was never good. Unless, of course, she could creatively release that pent-up energy with her wife. But Rebecca’s libido wasn’t on the same wavelength at the moment. All she could think about was how to tell Cassidy the news.

The sound of the doorbell brought Rebecca out of her trance. She looked at her watch and frowned. Twenty minutes had passed, and Rebecca hadn’t come up with any answers. She flipped the blanket off her legs and padded to the door. She waited until the delivery person drove away before opening the door and grabbing their food. It smelled good, and Rebecca’s empty stomach growled. She hoped she could scarf some of it down — and keep it down — while she and Cassidy talked.

Talked. “How the fuck do I say this?” She sat back on the sofa after setting the food on the coffee table. “Cassidy, I have… So, there’s this little… Cassidy, baby, this is going to sound scary, but…” Rebecca groaned. “Come on, Rebecca. Just say it!”

“Just say what?”

Rebecca nearly jumped out of her skin. “Jesus, Cassidy! You scared the shit out of me!”

Cass winced, hiding a smile. “Sorry, babe. I thought you heard me coming down.” That smile faded when she saw the look on Rebecca’s face. “Becca? Something is up, babe. What is it?” Cass got to her knees next to the couch. Rebecca’s day came crashing back into Cass’s mind, and the cold fingers of panic grabbed ahold of Cass’s heart. “Baby, did they… was there something on the mammogram? Should I call Vanessa?”

Rebecca’s eyebrows furrowed. Why would she call Vanessa? And then it hit her. “No, no! No, Cassidy.” She brought Cassidy’s hands to her breasts, squeezing her fingers over Cassidy’s in a very rudimentary self-exam. “See? All good.”

Cass took a breath but couldn’t shake the dreadful feeling in her gut. “Okay. What about the gyno exam? Did something come up there?”

“Nope. Apparently, I have a very normal vagina.”

Cass snorted. “There ain’t nothing normal about your vagina, baby. It’s extraordinary.” Another breath of relief still didn’t quell the paranoia. “Okay, so tits and vag are good. What aren’t you telling me, Becca? There’s something wrong. I can feel it in here.” Cass placed a hand over her heart. “I didn’t even know you had an appointment today, and you didn’t call me when it was over.”

“Do you want to eat while the pizza is hot?”

“Becca. All I want right now is for you to tell me what you clearly don’t want to tell me.”

Rebecca was stunned by Cassidy’s directness. She’d always been open and honest about what she was feeling. But it was usually in a cute yet flustered manner. This was… assertive.

“Alright, Cassidy.” Rebecca scooted over and patted the couch, inviting Cassidy to join her. She foolishly hadn’t expected her wife to be so intuitive. Cassidy knew Rebecca inside and out. “Are you willing to listen without interrupting me?”

Cass nodded. She didn’t dare open her mouth to say anything because she feared she’d get sick. Fuck, she didn’t like this, whatever this was. She wanted to bounce her leg or get up and pace. But instead, Cass sat there, waiting for Rebecca to explain.

“First, I didn’t have an appointment. As you know, I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately because of the nightmares. So, I went to Hunter to see if she could give me some advice or maybe some potent melatonin or something. When I told her I’ve been having lingering headaches, she said she wanted to do an MRI because what I was describing sounded like maybe scar tissue on my brain from past… trauma.”

Rebecca knew she was drawing this out far more than she needed to. But she couldn’t bring herself to say the words. Not yet.

Cass gritted her teeth. Fucking Samantha. If anyone in the world deserved to be in hell, it was Samantha. “She’s responsible for this?” Cass asked, hanging onto a single thread of calmness.

Rebecca inhaled. She wished she could blame this on Samantha. “No. It’s not a scar, baby.”

Cass sat back, relief washing over her. Then she replayed Rebecca’s words in her head. It’s not a scar. She sat back up, grabbed Rebecca’s hands, and looked her in the eye. “It?”

The utter fear in Cassidy’s voice and expression broke Rebecca’s heart. Tears welled as she squeezed Cassidy’s hands. “I have a tumor, Cassidy,” she revealed quietly.

I have a tumor, Cassidy. The words were on a loop in Cass’s mind, yet she couldn’t grasp the concept.

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