Page 13 of Undoing

Ellie’s eyebrows rose. “Retire? You’re not old enough.”

Rebecca reached over and patted Ellie’s hand. “This is why you’re my favorite.”

She took a deep breath and noticed Ellie doing the same. She felt Ellie’s fingertip tap the back of her hand. One, two, three, four, five. Then, a double tap and Rebecca let her air out slowly. One, two, three, four, five. Ellie had told her before that the way to a clear and untroubled mind is to purge the dam that blocked the ability to admit what was bothering you.

“I feel old, Ellie. And tired. I have been trying to top my latest great success since I was ten years old.”

“Why? You must know your accomplishments are admired, but they certainly don’t define who you are. Especially not to us.”

“Oh, I think I know that deep down.” Rebecca sighed. “When my parents died, I… spiraled. I thought if I’d just been better, if I hadn’t talked back or made them worry, they wouldn’t have left me. Their death was my discipline. At their funeral, I promised them I would do better. Be better. I wanted to make them proud. So, I worked my ass off. I graduated a year early from high school, double majored in college, and had CEOs of major companies seeking me out to build them a solid business plan while I was still a student. Then… I met Samantha, and I faltered. Despite my better judgment, I got involved with her and was punished again.”

“Rebecca, you did nothing to deserve what Samantha did to you.”

Rebecca would silently agree to disagree. She made the choice to be with Samantha and stay. That was something Rebecca had to live with.

“After that,” Rebecca continued as though Ellie hadn’t said a word. “I had to start over. I worked even harder this time. I needed to make my parents proud again. I turned a drowning club into the most successful members-only club in the city. My consulting business is thriving. And… I’m exhausted.”

Ellie empathized with Rebecca. In many ways, they were as alike as they were different. “What I’m hearing is something had to give, and you didn’t want that something — or someone — to be Cass.”

Rebecca tilted her head, giving Ellie a small smile. “You would have made a great therapist.”

Ellie chuckled. “I’ll leave that to Aunt Wills. But, you know, being in the service industry for years, you learn how to observe. And being a mother, you learn that being proud of your child isn’t contingent on how successful they are. When Jessie told me she wanted to attend medical school, I was so proud of her. Then, when she came to us and said she wanted to drop out because it was too much, I was even prouder of her.”

Rebecca raised a brow. “Prouder that she dropped out?”

“That she had the courage to change something in her life that wasn’t making her happy. And that she trusted us enough to come to us to talk about it.” Ellie reached over and wiggled one of Rebecca’s toes. “I think Aunt Wills is an extension of your parents, Sweets. And I don’t think she could be any more pleased by the woman you’ve become. The trauma in your life could have easily been your undoing, yet you fought back. And now you’re choosing a different path for your mental health and happiness. As well as Cass’s.”

Well, when you put it that way, Rebecca thought, her soul feeling a bit lighter than it did when she walked in here.

“With Cassidy’s and my schedules, we barely have time for each other. And when we do, it’s all about the sex. And that’s entirely my fault, not Cassidy’s. It’s my insecurities that make me feel like I have to give Cassidy sex, or she’ll find someone who isn’t as used up as I am. Is that residual shit from Samantha? Probably.” Rebecca scoffed. “I should be over my past by now. Cassidy makes me happier than I’ve ever been. And she makes me feel like I can slow down now. I have nothing to prove to Cassidy. She shows me that every day. It’s time I show her I believe her.”

“Thanks, Hunt.” Cass clinked her beer bottle to Hunter’s in a silent cheers, then took a long pull from it. The ice-cold bitterness of the pale ale hit the back of her throat, and she hummed with approval. “This is new.”

“Yeah. Mo has found a new hobby. I was skeptical at first, but she isn’t half bad at it. Of course, this is her fiftieth try at pale ale.”

Cass laughed. “Fiftieth time is the charm. Not bad.” She took another swig. Yep, she could get used to having a brewer in the group.

“How’s it going with you, Cass? We haven’t seen you two much lately.” Hunter sat back in her glider, propping her feet on the matching ottoman. She’d never thought of herself as a rocking chair kind of woman, but Ellie certainly changed her mind about that.

“Yeah, sorry about that. Ever since the gallery opening, I’ve had commissions coming out my ass.” Cass winced. “Sorry. That was crude. I’m, uh, trying to do better with that.”

Hunter raised her bottle in a salute. “It’s all good. We’re proud of you. Our own renowned artist!”

“Ha! I don’t know about renowned, but I sure as hell am busy.” Cass frowned. “So is Becca — or was. We’ve been having trouble finding time to be with each other.” Cass set her beer down and leaned her elbows on her knees. “We find time for sex, but I think we both need more, ya know? Sorry if that was TMI.”

“Not at all. It’s all part of being a best friend,” Hunter smiled. “You said Becca was too busy.”

Best friend. I like that. The two of them met through Rebecca and had become close. Of course, that was after Cass got over her stupidity of thinking Hunter and Rebecca had been a thing.

“Yeah, Becca has decided she wants to slow down a bit.”

“Retire?”

Cass put a finger to her lips. “Shh. Don’t let Becca hear you say that word! She hates it. But, yeah. Kinda.” She lowered her head, contemplating how much to say that wasn’t betraying Rebecca’s confidences. “I think Becca deserves to slow down. She’s worked hard most of her life, you know?” She looked up at Hunter. “She told me some asswipe said some awful shit to her yesterday during what was supposed to be a consultation. Of course, she put him in his place. That’s Rebecca. But she shouldn’t have to. And I think it upset her more than she lets on. So, yeah, I’m all for this new chapter.”

“As a doctor, I highly recommend that Rebecca does whatever makes her happy,” Hunter said after taking a drink of her beer. “But what about you? If Becca has all this time on her hands and you’re still busy, how does that help?”

Cass thought about how it helped quite a bit before they had to leave to come here. Then again, that was the sex part. That was one area Rebecca and Cass had no problem with. Hunter was right. How would that sway their relationship if Cass was still busy while Rebecca wasn’t? Would Rebecca eventually get tired of waiting for Cass?

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