Page 44 of Becoming

“Jesus,” Cassidy muttered. Her heart ached for Rebecca. And her blood boiled at the thought of what she had to endure. “After all of that, why can’t you see why you owe her nothing? She deserved what she got after what she did to you.”

“She begged me, Cassidy. Begged me to help her.”

“Did you beg her to stop hurting you?” Cassidy asked carefully. Rebecca nodded. “And, did she?”

Rebecca looked up at Cassidy. “That makes me no better than she was.”

“That’s not true. Baby, what she did, she did because she was a fucking monster. You did what you had to do to survive. No one would blame you for that.”

Except me, Rebecca thought miserably. “Obligation wasn’t the only reason.” She didn’t agree with Cassidy, but it was time to move on.

“Okay.” Cass was disappointed with the change, but she didn’t show it. If Rebecca needed to move on, that’s what they would do. Cass had hope that she would have years to convince Rebecca that what happened wasn’t her fault. She would say it every day if she had to. But, for now, she sat with her back against the couch and pulled Rebecca to her. Gentle, yet strong arms surrounded the smaller woman like a safe cocoon. “I’m listening.”

“By the time Samantha… passed away, she had taken everything from me. My job, my freedom, my confidence. I questioned myself on everything. I was top of my class, Cassidy. Major companies came to me—a college student—to bail out their business. And I was able to do it with ease. Hearing how inept I was day after day for years? It broke me. What was once easy for me seemed unfamiliar. It was like picking up a pencil and not knowing how to write anymore.

“So, once Samantha’s voice was gone, and I was back on my feet, I had an opportunity to prove to myself that I still had the ability to… to be me. And more. I needed to take my control back. The club was perfect for me. I knew the ins and outs and had the opportunity to work on turning it into what it is today. And, the exclusivity offered the privacy I needed to get my control back by becoming the dominant one. I hid the weak Rebecca behind a mask and became Mistress. No one questions a dominatrix in a BDSM club about wearing a mask.”

It was the most in-depth look at the time Rebecca spent from the night she almost died until now that Cass had received. She couldn’t imagine what it had been like, but she thought she could grasp the reasoning behind everything Rebecca did. “I guess it worked. You certainly found your control.”

Rebecca missed the little smirk on Cassidy’s lips.

“It did. For a while.”

“What changed?”

Rebecca shrugged. “It was a challenge for me at first. Becoming Mistress. Letting go of every doubt Samantha put in my head. Finding the strength within myself to be the one in command and pretend I knew what the hell I was doing until I actually did. In time, I became very good at what I do, and I had clients paying triple just to be in my room.”

Cass grunted. She hadn’t meant to, but as she told Rebecca earlier, the images from that room always came to her. Only, when they were speaking of Rebecca’s clients, Cass’s face became faceless strangers.

Rebecca nimbly got to her knees and straddled Cassidy’s lap. “No sex,” she reiterated.

“I know, I know. I’m working on it.” Cass patted Rebecca’s ass lightly. “Ignore my childishness and continue, please.”

“It’s not childish. It’s human.” Rebecca kissed Cassidy lightly. “What changed was me, I suppose. After fifteen plus years, it started to become laborious. I wasn’t getting out of it what I was before.”

“You outgrew it?” Cass suggested, and Rebecca nodded. “When I came in, were you looking for another challenge?” She hated asking the question, but she needed to know she was more than that to Rebecca.

“I wasn’t looking for anything, Cassidy. Especially not someone as young as you.”

Cass smirked. “You need someone as young as me to keep up with you, baby. Even I have trouble.”

“You finally admit it!” Rebecca laughed, then caressed Cassidy’s cheek. “You’re not a challenge to me, Cassidy.”

“Thank you for not getting pissed at me for asking that, baby.”

“Were you afraid I would?”

Cass shrugged. “It was kinda insensitive. Okay, it was totally insensitive, and I regretted it the moment it left my traitorous mouth.”

Rebecca laughed softly. “I love that you say what you’re thinking and ask what you want to know. I never have to guess what’s going on with you. It’s refreshing.”

You may regret saying that, Cass thought. She knew her damn mouth was about to spew out the one question that has been plaguing her brain for days now. “I hope you still feel that way after my next question.”

Rebecca raised a brow. “What could you possibly ask that’s any worse than what I’ve already told you?”

“Um, it’s about sex.”

“What about it?”

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