Page 1 of His Big Pipe

CHAPTER 1

SULLY

Six letter word for collide with.

The sun bounces balls of light off the gentle waves of Deepwood Lake as I squint down at my phone. I don't need my glasses to see the crossword puzzle. It’s just really bright out here, that’s all.

Impact.

I type the answer into the boxes, much too slowly. Fine, I’ll go and get my glasses.

When I come back out, I settle into the new Adirondack chair my buddy Logan made for me and grab a slice of my lunch. Frozen pizza. Again.

How can something be mushy and stale at the same time? Not to mention bland.

Yuck. I toss it back on the plate. Maybe I should learn how to cook?

Right. I burn toast.

Birds chirp as they flit through the trees and a group of ducks swim across the water. It’s the kind of day I built this house for. Sunny and peaceful…the only sounds from the animals, the water, and the wind.

I lean back in the chair and close my eyes.

THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!

The birds and ducks take flight in a flurry of chaos.

“Goddammit!” I bark, jumping up.

The noise comes from the Deepwood Inn on the property next to mine. Ever since that new woman bought it two weeks ago, she’s been renovating at all hours of the day.

I’ve already left two strongly worded notes on her door to keep it down.

This racket is getting old.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Jeesus.

That’s it! I’m going over there. I tug on my baseball cap and trudge through the forest toward the Inn.

With each step and each noise getting louder, the more angry I get.

When I finally reach the front door, I’m fuming, ready to give her a piece of my mind. And a few additional choice words.

I raise my fist to knock.

The tell-tale sound of rushing water comes from inside.

“Nooooooo! Stop! Shit!!” A woman yells, and then there’s more banging.

Pipes.

I pound on the door. “Hello! Are you okay in there?”

“Help!” she cries, and screw it, I barge into the front room. I can hear her and the water off to a room on the left. Probably the kitchen.

I burst through the doorway.

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