Page 6 of An Alpha's Commitment

TALIUS

In the days following Irian’s heat, we stayed quiet and close to each other. I took a few days off work to allow myself to recover surrounded by my omegas. They were recuperating too. It had been an intense couple of days, much more so than usual, due to the extreme symptoms Irian had been experiencing.

The only thing that had changed since Irian’s previous heat was the addition of Isca to our love nest but I wasn’t sure if that was the cause. I didn’t know any other alphas with two mates, so I didn’t have anyone to ask. It didn’t matter though, between the three of us we’d managed the situation and we’d all had a very good time.

Apart from being tired, Irian was in no way the worse for the experience, in fact he seemed inordinately happy. Adding Isca to our dynamic had changed things, but only in a good way. Isca fit right in and was a loving and willing playmate.

But… he’d been through a lot. And I hadn’t missed the moment when he'd doubted his place with us. I could see it in his eyes, feel it in his hesitation. He was like an open book to me, I could almost always read his emotions.

It made me realize I was making a mistake by not telling him about our plans to find a way to claim him properly. We might still fail, but at least he would know we had tried, that we had wanted him enough to make him equal in this relationship.

Isca was such a willing little omega. All he really wanted was to please his alpha. If Zarbius, his previous mate, had asked him for anything - quite literally – he would have happily given it. He would have bloomed into the wonderful, confident omega he was always meant to be instead of struggling with feelings of self-worth. Instead, the alpha had abused his power, abused his vulnerable mate, taken without giving Isca any choice.

The true beauty in an omega's submission was their choice.

Zarbius' behavior made my blood boil in rage, and yet… I had to accept that Zarbius’ failure to protect and cherish his omega, was the very thing that allowed him to come to us. Isca's pain had led to our joy, and I harbored a great deal of shame over that. It was a difficult thing to come to terms with.

I took comfort from the evidence that he was thriving now with us. He’d learned to trust me, which was a miracle in itself, seeing how alphas had betrayed him in the past. He gave and received love freely and was becoming more and more comfortable in intimate situations and had enthusiastically participated in Irian’s heat.

I knew there were mental scars, centering mostly around sex. He was honest with me about those. He found it triggering lying on his back during sex, because of the assaults. Assaults. That word somehow dressed the terrible reality up in some sort of socially acceptable terminology. There was a subtle downgrading of the culpability of the perpetrator. It had been rape, damn it! Zarbius had raped his mate, and had also been responsible for others doing so.

Isca had been distressed the first time we discovered his trigger, afraid he was going to disappoint me. Poor omega! He could never disappoint me. And it was easy to accommodate his needs.

When we played, there many other ways to have sex, and he loved it when I took him from behind, one arm wrapped around his torso, holding his body close to my heart where he lived.

As I lay there thinking, the close of day cast an orange glow around the room, the setting sun ready to slip below the horizon. Mauve shadows slunk across the ceiling. There were machinery noises in the distance, the occasional voice. Closer to the house, a frog croaked.

In the room, only the soft huffs of air expelled disturbed the silence.

I thought I was the only one awake.

Isca was sleeping peacefully next to me half-curled up in the sheets, one arm wrapped around Irian on his other side. His chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm. Behind closed lids, his eyes moved, and his shoulders twitched with whatever dream he was having.

“I can hear you thinking,” Irian whispered from the other side of the bed.

His voice, unexpected as it was in the room where the only sound had been quiet breathing, startled me.

“I thought you were asleep,” I murmured, lifting myself up on an elbow, careful not to jostle Isca.

“I was, but you were thinking so hard into the bond that it woke me.”

We rarely used our mates’ mind-bond anymore. It seemed disrespectful to Isca since he couldn’t share it. I missed it though, it was a level of intimacy like nothing else. I sighed. I must have been really disturbed for my thoughts to have leaked through the bond to Irian.

“I think I was wrong,” I told him. “I think we need to tell him. About what we’re trying to do. I think he needs to know.”

“But what if we can’t make it happen?”

“Then at least he’ll know we cared enough to try.”

“What changed your mind? You were worried about disappointing him…”

“I know,” I replied slowly, “I still am. But disappointment is something we all have to live with at times. The thing is, I’m almost certain he doesn’t feel like he deserves to be here sometimes, that he’s lesser somehow. An accessory. I hate to think he feels that way.”

“That’s crazy!” hissed Irian. “That's not what he is at all! We wanted him even before... before that thing with Zarbius.”

“You and I know that but look at it from his point of view. Firstly, we were a couple before we met him. Second, from what you’ve told me, the whole time he was with Zarbius, that bastard kept telling him how useless and undesirable he was. Even though I think he realizes, intellectually, that’s not true, he’s internalized some of that message. He won’t let himself believe he should be an equal part of this relationship.”

“That’s so sad,” Irian looked wistfully at Isca, as he ran a gentle finger through his hair, barely touching him. “He hasn't said anything to me. How do you know he feels that way?”

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