“What are you—?”
“When were you going to tell anyone? Was I always going to be your dirty secret?” He searches around for his socks and shoes.
“No. You’re not.” Why didn’t I tell anyone? “There just wasn’t any time.”
He laughs maniacally.
“You were never going to tell them.” He slams his foot down as he gets his shoe on, making me jump back. “All your friends fucking hate me.”
“I don’t care about that.” I try to stop him from getting his jacket on. “Carter, please stop.” I can’t lose him too.
“It’s fine. It didn’t mean anything, right?” He throws back my words to Jocelyn. “We’re still just friends, right?”
“No. I didn’t mean it like that.”
He pulls his arm from my grasp.
“I’d do anything for you. Everything.” He shakes his head and walks out the door.
“Carter, wait.” I chase after him. “Please, stay and talk to me.”
He’s right. He’s done so much for me, and I couldn’t even tell my friends that we’re together. I was too scared about what they’d say or how they’d act. I couldn’t stand up for us.
He stops half way out the door. HIs chin moves over his shoulder, but he doesn’t look at me. “I can’t.”
I destroyed us, and this perfect day he planned.
Crumbling to the floor, I let Carter go.
There’s nothing I can do now to make this right, and I know that look. He needs to cool off before he can talk to me.
Chapter 31
Carter
A crack sears my chest apart, and I can’t do anything about it.
We had the perfect day, and it all turned to shit at the realization that I’ll never be good enough for her. I’ll never be the man she can be proud of.
Fuck, she went out with that asshole Vic, but even he didn’t have the demons I have.
I tried my best to cool off. I went to every place I could think of where I’d go to clear my head and let go of all the pain that’s splitting me open, but everything reminded me of Willa.
I found myself walking into the firehouse, pouring myself a beer and sitting at the bar. Staring at it.
We have a long day of practice tomorrow and a game the next day.
If I start drinking, I’ll keep drinking. If I keep drinking, I won’t be able to keep up tomorrow.
The game is the first of the Frozen Four tournament, and if I practice like shit, Coach won’t take any chances to play me. If I don’t play, I let my team down. I’ll let Willa down.
Maybe I overreacted. Jocelyn caught us both by surprise, but I had just confessed how much I loved her and she was telling Jocelyn we meant nothing. Fuck, that shit hurt.
It hurt worse than her kneeing me in my hard cock and balls when she scrambled out of bed.
It didn’t mean as much to her as it did to me.
Making my decision, I lift the glass up to my lips, but it’s quickly snatched from my hand.