Page 108 of Released from the Sin Bin

I make my way quietly down the hall to do the man’s walk of shame of not getting laid. It’s odd, but I’m happy I didn’t go through with it. One day, I’ll get over Willa, but it’s not going to be anytime soon.

The lights are all out, and I’m nervous about what I’ll be walking into when I make my way down the stairs. Either Willa will be on the couch with Ken, or no one will be down there and Ken will be up in Willa’s room.

No matter what, it’s going to fucking hurt.

But when I tiptoe behind the couch, I notice Ken laid out and softly snoring. Alone.

He’s alone.

Willa isn’t anywhere downstairs, which means she’s alone in her room.

“Yes,” I hiss, unable to contain my excitement, clutching my fist and bringing my elbow into my side.

She couldn’t do it.

He was ready and willing, but Willa turned him down.

Ken snorts and moves on the couch, making me hide back by the stairs. Looking up the quiet dark steps, I make my decision and quietly run back up.

After a soft knock on Willa’s door, I open it a crack. Peeking my head in as quietly as I can, afraid to wake anyone else up or that Jocelyn will hear me. But when the door opens, soft sobs come from inside the dark room.

“Willa?”

“Carter?” She sits up and wipes the tears from her face.

I rush in, softly closing the door behind me and coming to her side.

“What’s wrong? Did he hurt you?”

“No.” She wipes more tears from her face. “No, nothing happened. I went to bed as soon as you guys went upstairs.”

“Then why are you crying?” I did this. I left her alone.

“I had a rough week. It caught up to me.” She grabs a tissue from her nightstand and blows her nose. “What happened with Jocelyn? Why aren’t you with her? Did you do it already?”

“Nothing happened.” I tuck her short hair behind her ear and let my hand fall down her arm. “I couldn’t do it.”

“Why not?” She blows her nose again.

“I didn’t want to.” I’ll never be able to touch another woman as long as Willa is near me. “Are you ok?” I rub the blanket over her thigh.

“I don’t know. He was asking about my injury and if I was going to play hockey again in the car, and I shut down.” She lies back down with her hand on her head.

I toss my jacket off to the side and kick my shoes off.

“Is it ok if I stay for a bit?” I wouldn’t leave her like this even if she said no.

“Please.” She makes room for me on the bed. “I don’t want to be alone.”

I lie down next to her, and roll her into my side for her to put her head on my chest.

“You’re not alone.” I kiss the top of her head, and she moans, already falling asleep.

A few hours later, I sneak out before anyone wakes up.

I’m not a good guy like Ken is. Dry sense of humor aside, he is nice, smart, and doesn't seem to have any anger issues or demons that he keeps hidden.

I’m not good for Willa, but I can try to be. She makes me want to be good for her.

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