Page 36 of Released from the Sin Bin

I’m such an idiot. I believed him. I wanted to believe he would change, but here I am chasing after the promises he broke.

The howling wind dies down but when I pick my head up, the snow is coming down in the size of golf balls and sticking to the car. It’s not even melting as it hits because the car isn’t warm enough. I’ve been sitting here too long and need to move.

I have to be close.

The engine revs when I push the button to start, but quickly sputters out. The gas light pings a bright red. I try again but the same thing happens. Going for a third time, I hold it down longer, and… nothing.

No engine.

No sputter.

I’m done.

I’m out of gas and out of my fucking mind. A loud agonizing scream screeches out of me.

Why did I do this?

Why do I let him do this to me?

Over and over, Vic has hurt me. Time and time again he breaks his promises. And yet, I can never let him go. I drove up here to break up with him once and for all, but a part of me imagined getting to his cabin and he’d beg and apologize all over again. He would finally realize the mistakes he’s made and make it up to me somehow.

I imagined finally standing up to him, but if I’m being completely honest, I would’ve taken him back. I would’ve told him it’s over and held my ground for a minute before letting him worm his way back to me.

I’m pathetic.

I can defend my team against a group of brutal women fighting their hearts out for a trophy, but I can’t defend myself against one guy.

Wiping the tears away, I get out of the car. I know I have to be close to at least one cabin. I need to survive. I need to live and do right by me.

Staying in the direction I was traveling, I keep close to the edge of the tree line. Wrapping my arms around my body and pushing against the wind. It’s freezing and my thin leggings are soaked through.

A burst of wind shifts me to the side. I try to step back into the road, but I trip over a small branch. Afraid of going over and tumbling down the mountain, I lean into the road. My ankle rolls and twists under me as I fall.

A cry screeches out of me as a fiery pain slices up my leg. “Oh my god. No. No.” I try to stand but the pressure on my ankle causes another sharp sting across my foot. “Please, no. It can’t…please.” Again, I try to stand, but the pain is even worse.

I hobble a step to a tree and lean against it.

It’s broken. I know it is without even looking at it.

“Please, no.” I beg into the wind, whimpering against the tree as I lose all hope. I can’t walk.

Every tiny step I take causes another shot of pain. Trying anything, I put pressure just on my toes but that only sears into my shin.

I hop on one foot to the next tree. Anything to get further. Landing on a mound of snow covered roots, I lose my balance and fall on my ankle again. This time I hear the crack before another shot runs up the side of my calf to my knee.

Screaming and whimpering I hoist myself against the tree.

This is it.

The crack was the sound of my hockey career ending.

I won’t have Vic. I won’t have hockey.

I have nothing.

The wind comes and goes and the snow keeps falling. Survival instincts have me curled up inside my coat, but I have nothing to survive for.

I can’t feel my fingertips and the pain in my ankle must’ve made me black out. It’s lighter out than it was a second ago.

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