Page 43 of None of This is True

‘And what do you think it’s like for me? Walter? Living with you . Living like this .’ She gestures around the room. ‘I can’t do this any more either. I’m at the end of my tether. I can’t keep it all locked inside. It’s killing me, Walter. It’s killing me. I need someone to know. I have to tell Alix!’

Walter stares at her through tired, disappointed eyes, and he says, slowly and coldly, ‘You really are stupid, aren’t you? Stupid as they get.’

At the sound of these words, Josie feels the swirling fragments of the universe slow down and thicken and then clear and all that is left is red-hot fury that feels as if it’s burning her from the inside out. She thinks of the things she heard Walter saying to Alix in the recording studio, poisoning her with his vile lies, and she knows that it is here, at last, the moment she has been waiting for; she feels certainty rip through her like a cyclone.

Part Two

Saturday, 13 July

The familiar chime of the Ring doorbell slices into Alix’s dream. At first she thinks that it is her alarm, that it is six thirty and she must get up and get the children ready for school. Then her eye catches the time, and she sees that it is 3.02 a.m. and she remembers that last night was Friday and that today is Saturday and then, and only then, does she register the fact that the other side of the bed is unslept in.

‘Fuck’s sake,’ she mutters to herself, pulling back the duvet and ripping herself from the warmth of her bed. ‘Fuck’s sake .’

She tiptoes down the stairs and hears the Ring bell chime again and her blood heats with rage. Fucking Nathan, waking up the fucking children. She wrenches open the door, ready to flounce silently, furiously back to bed, but then stops and gasps when she sees that it is not Nathan.

It is Josie.

Josie stands, defeated, her shoulders slumped and tears streaking through a mask of grazes and dried-up blood on her face. The dog peers over the top of his denim carrier.

‘Oh my God, Josie! Oh my God. What happened?’

A choked sob emerges, but no words.

Alix opens the door wider and says, ‘God, come in!’

She helps Josie through the door and into the kitchen, where she sits her carefully on the sofa. ‘What happened, Josie? Please, you have to tell me.’

‘It was Walter,’ she says through juddering sobs. ‘He attacked me.’

‘Walter did this?’

‘Yes! And it’s not the first time. It’s when he’s been drinking. He just sees red.’

‘Here,’ says Alix. ‘Let me get a wet cloth, get this face cleaned up, see if there’s any damage.’

Josie nods defeatedly.

Alix takes a clean tea towel from a drawer and runs it under the tap. She dabs Josie’s face gently with it, revealing a horribly swollen and split lip and scuff marks down both cheekbones.

‘The back of my head too, I think?’

She turns her head and Alix sees that there is encrusted blood on her crown, beneath which is a small split in her scalp.

‘Any dizziness?’ Alix asks.

Josie shakes her head. ‘No. I feel OK. Just a bit shocked.’

‘Shall I call you an ambulance?’

‘No! No, please don’t. It will just set off a load of things happening that I really can’t deal with right now. And I’m fine. Really.’

Alix takes the bloodied tea towel, rinses it under the tap, squeezes it out and hands it to Josie. Then she fills the kettle and switches it on. ‘What happened, Josie?’ she asks. ‘I mean, everything seemed OK when you left?’

‘Well. Yes and no. I mean, Walter was grumpy, obviously, because of Nathan not coming. I think he thought it was really rude, which it was. He wouldn’t talk to me the whole walk home. And then he had another beer when we got home, and things sort of escalated. He called me all sorts of horrible names. Told me I was stupid. And I saw red and went for him.’

‘You mean you attacked him?’

‘Yes. Well, no. I intended to, and I know he might look like an old man, but he’s very strong, still. He’s big. And he overpowered me. Completely. Just kept pounding and pounding and pounding. And then—’

---