Page 13 of None of This is True

‘No siblings. Just me. What about you? Oh.’ Josie stops and puts her hand against her heart. ‘Sorry. Am I allowed to ask you questions?’

‘Yes! Absolutely! And I am one of three girls. The middle.’

‘Oh, lucky you. I’d’ve loved a sister.’

‘Sisters are the best. I’m very lucky. And tell me about your mum, Pat. Is she still around?’

‘Oh, God, yes. Very much so. She lives on the same estate where I was born, runs the community centre, looks after the old people, shouts at the politicians, works with the anti-gang unit, all of that. Larger than life. Louder than life. Everyone knows her. It’s like she’s famous.’

‘What about your father?’

‘Oh, he was never in the picture, my dad. My mum got pregnant by accident and then went off and had me without even telling him. I’ve never met him.’

Alix shuts her eyes and mentally loops back to the man in the pub on her birthday who she had assumed to be Josie’s father. ‘So, in the pub, on the night we met – the man you were dining with. That was your …?’

‘That was my husband. Yes. Not my father. And no, you are not the first person to make that mistake. My husband, Walter, is a lot older than me. I’ve been with him since I was fifteen.’ Josie pauses and glances up at Alix.

Alix tries to hide her surprise. ‘Fifteen,’ she repeats. ‘And he was …?’

‘Forty-two.’

Alix falls silent for a moment. ‘Wow. That’s …’

‘Yes. I know. I know how it seems. But it didn’t quite feel like it sounds at the time. It’s hard to explain.’ Josie purses her lips and shrugs. ‘There’s power in being a teenager. I miss that power in some ways. I would like it back.’

‘In what way was there power?’

Josie shrugs again. ‘Just in the way that you have something a lot of people want. A lot of men want. And a lot of them want it. They want it so much.’

‘It? You mean youth?’

‘Yes. That’s exactly what I mean. And when you meet someone who is very clear about what they want and you know that the only thing that stands between what they want and what you have is your consent … Sometimes, as a very young girl, there’s a power in giving that consent. Or at least, that’s how it felt at the time. That’s how they make you feel. But really, it’s not, is it? I can see that now. I can see that maybe I was being used, that maybe I was even being groomed? But that feeling of being powerful, right at the start, when I was still in control. I miss that sometimes. I really do. And what I’d like, more than anything, is to get it back.’

Alix leaves a brief silence to play out, to allow Josie’s words the space they need to hit home to her listeners. She maintains her composure, but under the surface her blood races with shock. ‘And you and Walter, how did you meet?’

‘He was a contractor, doing the electricals on our estate. He was the project leader and my mum, of course, made it her business to get involved with it all, so one day, when I was about thirteen, I was sitting in my room and the doorbell rang, and I looked out and he was standing there. Had his high-vis vest on, holding his hard hat in his hand. That was the first time I saw him.’

Alix says, ‘And what did you think?’

Josie issues a small laugh. ‘I was thirteen. He was forty. There wasn’t much more to think really. It wasn’t until my fourteenth birthday that I could tell there was something else going on. He walked into the house when I was blowing out the candles on my birthday cake. I was there with my best friend Helen. And my mum invited him to stay for a slice of cake and he sat next to me and it was …’ Josie exhales and makes a sound like she’s been punched in the throat. ‘It was just there. Like an invisible monster in the room.’

‘A monster?’

‘Yes. That’s what it felt like. His interest in me. It felt like a monster.’

‘So, you were scared of him?’

‘Not of him. No. He was nice. I was scared of his wanting me. I couldn’t believe that nobody else could see it. Only me. It was so big and so real. But my mother didn’t see it. Helen didn’t see it. But I saw it. And I was scared of it.’

‘So, it didn’t feel like power then?’

‘Well, no. And yes. It felt like both things at the same time. It was confusing. I became obsessed with the idea of him. But it was another year until anything happened.’

Hi! I’m Your Birthday Twin!

A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

The screen opens with a woman pulling a small suitcase through an airport. She is tall and heavily built, with her dark hair pulled back into a small bun.

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