Page 49 of Shattered

While our two interactions were brief, they were enough to have me preoccupied with thoughts of her ever since. They were enough to spark an interest again—an interest I had long since buried.

Maybe it’s simply the possibility that she might forgive me that makes my soul feel a little less weighed down, even if I didn’t realize that’s what I needed before.

I can’t go back and change things, and she’s made it abundantly clear how much I hurt her, and she’s hurt me, too. But maybe, just maybe, we can be friends like she said.

Straightening in my seat, I type out a reply, finding myself diving down that path I was trying to avoid.

Me: Okay… when did you get the nose piercing?

My eyes lift to Adi while I wait for a reply, watching as he pretends to tip dirt onto his other cars.

Sienna: Last day of high school. Same time as my belly ring.

That little yellow gem in her naval flashes in my mind, but then my phone dings again.

Sienna: Where do you work? You were dressed like a construction worker when I saw you.

I settle further back in the chair.

Me: I work for Hastings Construction as a drywaller. Are you happy at the daycare?

An hour and about twenty text messages later, Adi and I head back inside so he can watch the fish and I can put a load of washing on. I’ve just started the machine and was about to put the dishwasher on when the doorbell rings. There’s a small part of me that thinks for the briefest moment that it could be Sienna, despite the fact we’ve just been texting, and that same part is responsible for the uptick of my heart.

Then I scoff at myself because I shouldn’t be getting excited about something like that, and it’s more likely to be Erika than Sienna, anyway. With a sigh, I walk to the front door, glancing at Adi, who is still watching the fish in the living room, as I pull the door open.

But it’s neither woman I had considered standing on the other side, and for the second time in the past week, I’m shocked speechless, momentarily unable to believe my eyes. My shock then turns to confusion, then hurt, and anger. I manage to keep my face neutral, though, as I stare at the man standing before me, my defenses going up like a protective shield.

His face is a little more weathered than it was a few years back, and there are a few more scars that are evidence of his ‘punch first, ask questions later’ personality. But for the most part, he looks the same. Dark blond hair falls messily around his face, longer than it used to be, and his blue eyes—a few shades darker than Sienna’s—look a little tired, but are still as familiar to me as when we were friends.

What the fuck is it with Jason and Sienna suddenly turning up in my life after all this time?

And does he know she came here?

“Shit, man.” He gives me a once-over. “It’s really good to see you. Weird, but good.”

One side of his mouth tilts up into the same crooked smile I remember so clearly from our teenage years, but I do not return it. Instead, I struggle to keep the incredulity off my face because this guy, this fucking guy, has the nerve to show up after all this time and say it’s good to see me?

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

I’m not sure what type of greeting Jason was expecting, but I’m sure that wasn’t it since he scratches his cheek and shifts on his feet, suddenly looking a little unsure of himself. I was never blunt like that when we were friends.

“Right. Well, I wanted to apologize for the shit that happened.”

Folding my arms across my chest, I can’t help the scoff that comes out. “Four years later? Nah, I’m good.”

“Come on, man. I was pissed at you about my sister.” When I open my mouth, he holds up a hand. “I know you didn’t know who she was. Sienna eventually told me. But the truth is, I was spiraling and messing around with more drugs than you knew about, and it ended up being a good excuse to shut you out.”

“We were friends for a long fucking time, man.”

“I know,” he says quickly. “And I regret it a lot. I didn’t even realize at the time what I was doing, and by the time I did, it was already too late. I went headfirst down a dark hole and spent a long time living that lifestyle. I was a selfish asshole, and I’m really fucking sorry.”

I don’t refute his comment, nor offer him a verbal response. I’m unsure of what to say, really. Sure, he thought I was messing around with his sister behind his back, but he never gave me the chance to explain or bothered to find out the truth.

This situation isn’t like when Sienna came to see me. I didn’t do anything to him, and he ditched me.

But if he was spiraling like he said, and it was the perfect excuse to pull away, does that mean if that particular situation hadn’t happened, he’d have just created another one? I guess I was going to lose him either way.

“I’ve felt terrible about it ever since, to be honest,” he adds when I still don’t say anything.

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