Page 48 of Shattered

Just realizing I’m standing here, Adi looks up at me and grins, making my lips tug up at the side. “Sena?”

Eyebrows bunching together, I push off the doorframe. “I don’t know what that is.” He’s mentioned it several times over the past few months, but I’ve never known what he’s talking about. “Come on, let’s eat.”

Not taking my outstretched hand, he barrels into my legs instead, so I pick him up and throw him over my shoulder in a fireman’s hold like I often do, carrying him back to the kitchen to the sounds of him squealing and giggling.

After eating, I leave Adi playing with his toy dump truck and take our dishes inside. Then I grab my phone off the dresser in my room before going back outside.

Unlocking my phone, I intend to take a picture of Adi, but my heart stutters when I see the message waiting for me on the screen. Unlike the unknown number from the other day, this notification shows Sienna as the sender. I had kept her in my contacts all these years, only switching out Sunflower for her name. And obviously, she’s kept mine as well.

The text is nothing but a simple greeting saying, Good morning, Neilix.

So why does it feel like so much more?

Why does it feel like the beginning of a path I’m unsure I want to go down again? Correction, a path I don’t want to go down again.

We left on good terms the other night when I saw her at the daycare, despite my accusing her of getting back at me through my son and the lingering tension from our previous interaction.

But the fact that we’ve argued each time we’ve seen each other is a clear indication that we can’t be friends, isn’t it?

It doesn’t stop the pull to reply to her, though, just like when we were younger. I feel the tug, the call to my lonely soul.

And no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to resist her.

Leaning my elbows on my thighs, I rub a hand over my mouth, breathing out a sigh, and then I type out a simple reply, keeping things light and uncomplicated.

Me: Good morning :)

Determined not to get sucked into the same thing as before, I place my phone face down on the table and go play with Adi for a bit. I keep my focus on him, even when I hear another text come through.

Half an hour later, the urge to check my phone proves too strong to resist, and I find myself wandering back to the table to look, showing just how fucking weak I am when it comes to Sienna’s attention.

Sienna: I’m glad to see this is still your number and that I wasn’t texting a random.

Me: How do you know I’m not a random?

Despite the delay in my response, those three dots appear immediately, giving me a taste of that rush I used to feel all those years ago.

Sienna: You’ve always put a smiley face after good morning. It’s your tell :)

Ha, I think she’s right.

Something in my chest lightens, and a small smile tugs at the corners of my lips.

A little friendly banter, that’s all this is. I can do this.

Sienna: You mentioned not knowing me anymore, and the same goes for you... I know it didn’t go very well previously, but I thought we could fix that if you want. Maybe a question for a question?

I reread the message before putting my phone down and dragging my thumb across my bottom lip.

Questions lead to more talking and getting to know each other. It’s deeper than ‘uncomplicated,’ deeper than friendly banter. It’s letting her in again, knowing she has the ability to shatter me, or I hurt her.

I don’t want that. I don’t need that.

So why does my chest feel a little tighter at the thought of ignoring her?

I’ve already been a dick to her and broken her heart once. Regardless of my conflicting feelings, I owe it to her to try to be friends, don’t I?

Even through all my doubts, I have to admit that having her suddenly back in my life feels a little like a gust of air has been blown into the lifeless void that had become my existence over the past few years. That air feels . . . rejuvenating.

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