Page 42 of Shattered

I don’t immediately respond. My throat feels tighter, and my next swallow takes effort. I guess I’m not the only one with leftover issues.

I remember wanting him to feel a fraction of the hurt he had caused me while I was selfishly focused on my own. But now it’s more than obvious to me that he did. And knowing it doesn’t feel as good as I once thought it would.

As I sit, staring ahead at the dark shadows in his yard, searching my mind for a way to fix this, a memory floats to the forefront.

“Do you remember the trampoline we used to have?”

A beat passes where he doesn’t say anything, but I know he heard me, so I wait.

“Yes,” he finally answers.

“The three of us were jumping on it one day when I was ten. Jason had bounced me off on purpose, then started laughing about it. You weren’t laughing, though, and when you saw that I was crying, you got down and gently carried me inside to my mom. That’s when it started.” A bittersweet smile touches my lips. “That’s when I started liking you.”

The memory is so fresh in my mind, as if it just happened. I had replayed it over in my head a million times, the crush I had on him growing each time.

That was only the first in a number of times he was nice to me. My young, naïve heart had no chance against his golden-brown eyes and kind smile, or the little dimple that always appears on his left cheek when he’s truly smiling. Who could resist?

“Why are you telling me this?”

I look up at the sky again. “I don’t know. Maybe so you can see that it wasn’t just some sudden teenage crush I had. And that’s why I was so hurt and reacted the way I did . . . said what I did.”

I can’t help but wonder where we would be if I had been honest about who I was from the beginning.

Where would we be if I hadn’t agreed to reveal myself when I did? What if I waited longer? What if Jacob had never been arrested?

I guess I’ll never know the answers to those questions.

But what about now?

Can we try to move on?

Neilix remains silent, his focus now on the ground by his feet, and I watch as he swipes his thumb across his bottom lip, something I remember him doing in the past.

“How about we start fresh, put everything behind us, and maybe we could try the friends thing again?” Lifting a hand, I hold it out to him over the round table between us. “Hi, I’m Sienna. I’m twenty, and I work with kids. Nice to meet you.”

Neilix stares at me for a good number of seconds in the dim light, an unreadable expression cast across his face as he takes hold of my hand with his roughened one. With slow movements, he shakes it, eyes intently focused on our clasped hands. His larger hand practically swallows mine, and I try to think back to whether I ever noticed them being this big before. Regardless, it feels warm and nice.

“Nice to meet you, Sienna.” Eyes snapping up to mine, his features harden once more. “But this isn’t going to work. I don’t deserve your friendship, nor do I want it anymore.” He drops my hand like it was one of the toys going into the basket, and I’m left staring at him, stunned.

Running that same hand through his hair, he pulls his eyes away and fidgets with his glasses, avoiding eye contact.

My hand drags along the table as I pull back, straightening my spine. “You don’t want my friendship?” I ask to be sure I heard him correctly. A movement in his jaw is the only type of response I get, leaving me feeling like a fool for trying. “Right. Okay. I should go then.”

I get up and rush inside, the embarrassment of being rejected making my cheeks feel warm, and that prickling at the back of my eyes returns as I open his front door. Why the fuck did I come here? I would have been better off still holding on to the faded and stale anger rather than subjecting myself to a fresh dose.

After yanking my car door open, I drop into the driver’s seat and grip the steering wheel, regaining my composure. Fuck him. Fuck. Him. It wasn’t easy for me to offer to put the past behind us. I know I suddenly turned up there without quite knowing what I wanted, but I was willing to try.

Shaking my head, I start my car and begin my drive home. I can’t believe I even thought about fucking him out of my system. A groan escapes my throat. I’m an idiot. I need to forget this ever happened and move on, even though it’s kind of hard with the daily reminder of him.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Neilix

I grab one end of the drywall being delivered onto one of the open and unfinished decks on the fifth floor of the apartment building we’re working on, guiding it so it will land directly on the special dolly.

Harley, one of the guys I work with, lifts his hand and waves it to the left so the guy working the crane can see and shift it accordingly. I move on autopilot along with Harley, quickly getting it properly situated so we can roll it to where it’s needed. Dark clouds cover the sky, and it looks like it will unleash at any moment, so we’re trying to get all the drywall for the fifth floor unloaded fast.

The sky matches my mood right now: dark and ominous. I’ve been going through all the motions today, doing my job as efficiently as ever, but on the inside, my mind has been whirling, still reeling at the fact that Sienna was at my house two nights ago.

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