Page 38 of Shattered

“Great,” she breathes in relief. “I’ll figure out the date and let you know. I’ve got to get Adi into bed now. I’ll see you in a couple of days.”

“Yep. Bye.”

I hang up and head into the bathroom, finally stripping out of my dirty clothes, and the light feeling from seeing my son slowly fades away. Turning the shower on full-blast, I wait for it to heat up before stepping in, and then lower the temperature when it starts to burn. I scrub the day’s grime off, then shampoo my hair and use the soap from that to wash my face.

Keeping busy to the point of being exhausted at the end of every day doesn’t usually allow me time to feel lonely or think about how I have an empty life besides Adi. But it doesn’t change the fact that I am alone, and occasionally, in these quiet moments, the thoughts try to creep in.

Pressing a palm on the tiles in front of me, I lean forward to let the water run over my head, closing my eyes as the warmth surrounds me, and I quickly snuff the thoughts out before they can grow. I slide my free hand down over the wet skin of my body and give my dick a few tugs, feeling it thicken in my grasp. But my mind is too tired to conjure up any images to jerk-off to, so I release it again. With an exhale, I shut off the water and step out, scrubbing a towel over my face and body.

After pulling on my sweats and T-shirt, I head for the kitchen in search of some food. Erika had insisted on bringing me a batch of homemade lasagna the last time she made it, and while I rolled my eyes about it at the time, I’m grateful that I have it as something quick to eat. After warming up a section, I take it out onto the little patio and scarf it down within a few minutes. Then I just sit.

You can’t see the stars because of the city lights, but there’s still something about sitting out here at night, staring into the dark universe, that always pulls my mind to the past. I try to resist it, but I can’t help but think about Jason and Campbell, and wonder what’s going on with them in their lives. I also wonder how Jacob is coping in prison these days and what happened after I tried to see him.

I’ve seen Mase a few times over the last few years, but between his adamance that Jacob was guilty, his slightly odd behavior, and my shutting out the rest of the world, we drifted apart a long time ago.

I used to look back on everything with a sense of longing, but now it’s mostly with a touch of bitterness.

Thankfully, my thoughts are cut short when I hear my phone ding with a message from in the kitchen. I get up and take my dish inside to check it. Since Adi came along, I try never to ignore my phone, just in case Navi is texting or calling about something to do with him.

After putting my bowl in the sink, I grab my phone off the counter and open it on the way to my bedroom.

I pause mid-step when I open the screen and see the message.

Unknown: Hi! How are you?

I’m momentarily thrown back in time to that first message I received from Sunflower—Sienna.

It couldn’t be.

Could it?

Regardless of the likelihood that she’d message me after all this time, my heart annoyingly picks up speed. She could have changed her number, and that’s why I don’t recognize it.

After scrubbing a hand across my jaw, I slowly type out the lamest reply.

Me: Hey.

I walk into the room and sit on my bed, my eyebrows furrowing as I wait for a reply. It’s not her. I know it’s not. So why the fuck am I still staring at my phone?

A few seconds later, they respond.

Unknown: I just wanted to double-check that we’re all set for our lesson on Friday night?

Lesson? I blow out a breath, running a hand through my hair. Just as I suspected, I knew she wouldn’t be texting me. Nevertheless, disappointment still finds its way inside, and I’m annoyed that she would have any sort of effect on me at all after all this time.

Me: I think you texted the wrong person.

Unknown: You’re right! I just checked the number. I’m so sorry.

Me: No worries.

I toss my phone aside and lay back on the bed, unable to stop myself from thinking about the first few times Sienna ever texted me. It feels like so long ago now.

She’s the one person I haven’t allowed myself to think about. We spoke all day, every day for months. She knew me inside and out, even if I didn’t know it was her at first. When she cut me off, I went downhill, and I had to block her out of my thoughts entirely.

But now that she’s wiggled her way inside my mind, I can’t help but wonder what she’s doing and where she’s living now.

Lifting my phone again, I click open the Instagram app Mom insisted I download recently to share photos of Adi with my aunts and cousins, because she has none herself. After a short internal debate, I click on the search button and type in Sienna's name, holding my breath as a list turns up. The third profile has a sunflower as the picture, and immediately, I know it’s hers.

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