Page 34 of Shattered

I feel like he’s been troubled ever since what happened to Jacob. There was a period of time when it seemed like he was on one bender after another, worrying our parents half to death. The last really bad one he was on had me calling the cops when he wasn’t returning my calls or texts, and I couldn’t find him. I was terrified.

He managed to clean himself up for the most part after that, and apparently, now he only dabbles in it on the odd occasion.

But now everything he does worries me, like he’s always one step away from going down that hole again.

Jason tugs on a section of my hair like he’s done since I was a little girl. “Tell me, what’s new with you?”

I swat him away, feigning an annoyed glare. “I’m still working at the same place, but Sarah and I have been thinking about moving to the city. Not sure if that’s going to happen, though.”

Sarah and I moved out together shortly after high school, and both of us chose to attend a nearby community college before getting jobs.

“There are plenty of places you could work here.”

“Yeah, but I’d miss the kids there.” I love the fact that I get to spend my days with kids, playing with them, teaching them things . . . they’ve all become so special to me.

Leaning back on the stool, I let my gaze wander aimlessly around the room until it lands on a guy watching me from the other side of the pool table. His back is pressed against the wall, his arms folded over his chest, and his legs are crossed at the ankles. He’s handsome: short black hair and naturally broody-looking lips. I can’t make out the eye color from here, but the fact that they’re staring at me sends the tiniest flutter to my stomach. The light-blue short-sleeved dress shirt he’s wearing is unbuttoned at the top, and his biceps press against the fabric, no doubt drawing the attention of many women in here.

His gaze flickers between Jason and me, probably trying to figure out whether he’s my boyfriend or not.

“You and your kids. You talk about them as if they’re yours.”

My attention is pulled away from the stranger and I look back at Jason. “I do love them.”

He gives me a lopsided smile before looking back at the crowd. “Fuck, it still blows me away that Neil has a kid.” I know he wasn’t trying to hurt me with that comment, but those earlier feelings return, regardless, making my chest feel tight. “I was actually thinking about seeing him again before you mentioned anything.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I don’t know, though.” He’s silent for another beat, looking lost in thought. “Anyway, I’ll grab us another drink.” After downing the last of his beer, he grabs my empty glass and heads for the bar.

I’m alone with my thoughts for all of one minute before the guy who was leaning against the wall approaches, a charming smile on his face.

“Hey.” He glances in the direction Jason went and then turns back to me, a question written on his face. “So, is that your . . .?”

“Brother,” I finish for him.

His eyes spark with further interest, more than happy with that answer, and now that he’s closer, I can see his eye color: dark gray.

“I haven’t seen you in here before,” he comments.

Either that’s an indication that he comes here way too frequently, or that’s his lame pickup line.

“I don’t live here, I’m just visiting my brother.”

He nods. “Just here for the night, then?”

I shrug. “Maybe. I’m not sure yet.”

It was a compulsive last-minute decision to come to see Jason here in the city since it had been a while, and although I have the next two days off, I haven’t decided what I’m doing with that time.

“Well, I assume your brother is getting you another drink, so, I won’t ask to buy you one, but would you like to join me in a game of pool? Or maybe we could . . . dance?”

I look past him to the pool tables and see that one just became free, but I know what he’s really after. There’s a look in his eyes, interested, slightly heated, and all-male. He wants more than just a game or to dance, and I’d like to be able to let loose and spend some time with him. He’s attractive and seems nice enough to get lost in for a night.

But the same war begins within my body like it does every time. My mind tells me to go ahead and enjoy myself, telling me I have every right to, and I know it’s right.

But my heart, the most dominant part of my body, infuriates and frustrates me. It tells me no; it holds me back, still holding out for the impossible.

I could just say yes to the game of pool or dance to one song, but then I’d be leading him on.

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