Page 30 of Shattered

Everything seems to stop all at once: time, my heart, the blood in my veins, all the sounds around us. I just stare at her unblinking, chasing the words around in my head until a loud noise breaks through the haze and snaps me out of it.

Clearing my throat, I blink and shift in my seat. “I’m sorry, I thought you said . . .” I shake my head. “What?”

Navi sighs again, looking uncomfortable. “I’m pregnant, Neilix. I guess we weren’t very safe that night.”

A wave of lightheadedness hits me like I’m not taking in enough oxygen, and I have to grip the table to keep myself steady. “Are you sure? I mean, I was pretty messed up that night.” It makes me sick every time I think about it.

Her brows dip down. “Am I sure of what?”

“I don’t know.” I pull off my glasses, scrubbing a hand over my face and trying to make sense of the bomb that just landed in my lap before returning them again. “I don’t know what to say. I’m just . . .” I trail off, not able to pull my thoughts together.

Navi nods, dropping her gaze to the table. “I wasn’t expecting this, either. I’m supposed to be heading back to college soon.” Lifting her big brown eyes to me again, I notice the moisture gathering in them. “I went to the clinic . . . the same day I found out. I was going to end the pregnancy and not bother telling you.” A sob breaks free on the last couple of words. “But I couldn’t do it, Neilix. I couldn’t get rid of it.”

A few tears slip down her cheek, and despite the chaos going on inside my mind, I manage to place a hand on top of hers to try to comfort her without words. I’m not even sure I could form a proper sentence right now.

She sniffs and uses her free hand to swipe at her eyes. “I’m not looking for a relationship with you or anything.” Blowing out a breath, she continues, “I just knew that you needed to know.”

“Yeah,” I mumble, my voice raspy. My throat feels tight. Everything feels tight. “What, um . . . do you need anything from me right now?”

Navi shakes her head while more tears fall. “I’m sorry. I’ve just been very emotional lately.” Using a napkin from the table, she pats the area under her eyes and wipes her nose. “I think you should take some time to process this and think about if you want to be in the baby’s life. Whatever you decide to do is up to you. I won’t hold it against you if you decide it’s too much.”

All I can do is try to swallow through the giant lump in my throat and nod. To say this was unexpected is an understatement. I’m sure once the initial shock wears off, I’ll be able to think clearly, but at this moment, I feel like I’m unraveling just like the rest of my life, and I can’t even grasp at anything to keep me together.

I glance off to the side, blankly looking around the coffee shop while not taking anything in, until my eyes land on a blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl at the counter, ordering a drink, and my mind conjures up the image of the girl I can’t seem to get out of it. What is she going to think when she hears this news? I visualize the hurt in her expression, and whatever air that was left in my lungs gets sucked out, my chest caving in.

She’s going to hate me.

“I have to go,” Navi announces, bringing my attention to her again. “Just . . . text me next week or something, okay?”

My eyes flicker back to the girl, but I no longer see Sienna.

Navi pushes to her feet, telling me that she’ll talk to me later.

I think I tell her okay.

I think I tell her that I'm sorry.

With my mind stuck in a state of shock, I get to my feet, walking out of the coffee shop and into the sunshine. Somehow, I make it back to where my dad parked the car and get into the front passenger seat without ever remembering the walk.

A father.

I'm going to be a father at age nineteen, and the mother is someone I’ve met twice. A woman who I subconsciously used to make myself feel better while under the influence of drugs.

Kids weren’t even a thought. Not that I didn’t ever want them, but I had assumed it wouldn’t be for another ten years or so and with someone I actually cared for. And I certainly didn’t expect it after only having sex once.

I stare ahead at the dash, everything slowly sinking in, and my stomach revolts when I think about my reaction to Navi and how I should have behaved. I should have asked if she was okay. I should have asked a lot of questions.

Has she told her parents? Does she even have parents to tell? Is she still going back to college? Is she one hundred percent sure it’s mine? How will everything work if we’re not in a relationship?

I blow out a breath, dropping my head against the headrest as my father opens the driver’s door and gets in. He must have finished his errands early. That, or I’ve been sitting here for a lot longer than I thought.

It takes him a few minutes to notice the spiraling breakdown I’m going through, but I must look pretty terrible because when he sees me, he asks, “Everything okay?”

My throat closes, and a burning sensation stings the back of my eyes when I think about the mess I’ve made of my life. This will probably disappoint him and Mom.

“I’ve done something really stupid, Dad . . .”

CHAPTER ELEVEN

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