Page 24 of Shattered

I feel like everything in my life is changing and falling apart, the seams unraveling and becoming a messy heap on the ground, and I’m not sure how to put it back together again.

Leaning forward, I swipe my thumb across my lip while clutching my phone with my other hand. I read over my last message, which has been sitting on “read” for the past ten minutes without a response, leaving me an anxious mess.

Me: I need to see you. Please.

I’ve been waiting eight months to meet her now. I get the thrill of keeping it anonymous, I really do. I get that she hasn’t been ready to change our relationship because it would change if we met, but I really need her right now. I need to know that she’s something real and not another thing that will fall apart in front of my eyes. I need to know she’s not going anywhere.

Finally, a reply comes through, and the single word has my stomach whooshing with a rush of excitement and nerves.

Sunflower: Okay.

I read it over, again and again, blinking a few times to make sure I read it correctly, and it’s not wishful thinking. Okay. She’s agreed to meet me. I straighten and wipe a palm across the rough texture of my jeans, trying to collect myself and suck in oxygen while I think of a time and place. I’d prefer sooner rather than later.

A knock on the bathroom door pulls me out of my excited daze and reminds me that I’ve been in here for at least half an hour.

“Sorry. I’ll be right out.”

Quickly getting to my feet, I walk to the door and open it, ready to step out, only to be pushed back inside when someone comes through at the same time and closes the door behind them. Sienna leans back against the door, her chest rising and falling in rapid succession while pink tinges her cheeks. The subtle floral notes of her perfume, which I’ve always found pleasant, fill the small space.

“What are you doing?” I ask, confusion making my brows bunch together. “Who are you hiding from?”

She doesn’t say anything immediately but stands there staring at me with wide eyes that look like they’re pleading with me, begging me for something.

“Sienna?”

Slowly, my eyes drift over her face. Her light blue eyes, showcased by long lashes, and blonde hair trailing over one shoulder, catch my attention, and some of the scattered pieces in my mind start forming a picture.

“Tell me something no one else knows, Neilix.”

Her voice is barely a whisper, but the impact is stronger than a sledgehammer to my soul, shattering me into a million pieces. My stomach turns as the rest of those pieces fall into place, showing a picture I’d never once envisioned. It’s with a crushing force that I realize who Sunflower really is.

And she’s someone I can’t be with.

“You?” I ask with disbelief, gripping the vanity behind me.

Her head dips with the slightest nod. “I know it might be a little weird, me being Jason’s sister.” Her cupid bow lips lift a little at the side as if it’s no big deal, as if that’s the only issue.

I’m not smiling, though. All the blood has drained from my face, and I feel my head shaking back and forth.

“A little weird? No. It’s . . . It’s . . . You’re just a kid.”

The smile slips from her face and her young features twist into a frown. “I’m not a kid, Neilix. It’s me.”

Yes, it’s her, Jason’s little sister. I’ve been talking to a sixteen-year-old. My stomach roils and everything around me feels like it’s moving, swaying. No, no, no.

She takes a step closer to me, but I step away, causing hurt to flash across her face. “Why are you being like that?”

I can’t seem to stop shaking my head, my mind not willing to accept that all my hopes and happiness have been sitting in the palm of a young girl. “This can’t . . . I can’t.”

How could I have been so stupid? Why did I assume that her being at the same high school as me meant the same grade?

“Neilix,” she murmurs, reaching for me, but drops her hand when she sees me flinch. “Is it really so bad finding out you’ve been talking to me?”

“Yes! Shit.” I tug at my hair. How is she not getting it? “I’m nineteen. You’re sixteen and Jason’s little sister.”

God, what if he finds out I’ve been texting Sienna this whole time? He saw that message from her a little while ago, but I’m lucky he was too high at the time to notice her number.

Sienna huffs out a breath, moisture filling her eyes. “I’m not little. And he doesn’t have to know. We could keep it quiet for now.”

---