Page 75 of It Must Be Love

He chuckled. "I like how candid you are."

"I'm usually not."

"I know, but now you’re treating me like I think you treat Darren and probably how you treated your father; you feel safe. I'm glad I make you feel safe."

I wish I could tell him that he more than anyone in my life was the one I feared the most because he could hurt me. It would devastate me if I lost Darren, but I'd survive. I had managed to get through my father's death. But losing Amias would hurt. I knew that when I cried into a bottle of Chenin Blanc on a Friday night while Amias was with some woman, I’d have no one to blame but myself.

Chapter 26

Amias

When I said we'd make love, she said we'd have sex. I don't know why, but that pissed me off.

I wondered if she was using me to lose her virginity? I didn't want to be used. Fucking hell! I usually didn't care why a woman was having sex with me as long as it was consensual, and now I was having trouble with the fact that Naya was using me to pop her cherry? How the fucking mighty had fallen!

I looked at her profile as she looked at the fire and was once again struck by the elegance and beauty of her face. Her skin looked like gold in the firelight. Her lips lush. I stroked a finger down her cheek, and she turned her head.

Her eyes were swarming with emotion.

Here I was, getting pissed off with her about her word choice while she was nervous as hell about having sex with a man for the first time while worrying if her body was somehow repulsive. I was a gigantic selfish asshole.

"I have a question," I murmured.

"Okay."

"Birth control," I whispered. I wanted to make her feel comfortable, and the women I slept with knew their contraceptives. With Naya, I wasn't sure of anything.

She bit her bottom lip, and I couldn't help but drop a kiss over the small bite she'd made. She shivered, and I hoped I wouldn't fuck this up. I wanted her first sexual experience to be good. Fun. Exciting. Memorable. Something she'd want to do again and again and again, preferably with me. Only me, the animal inside me growled.

I wasn't the possessive kind. If a woman I was with was flirting with another in the hopes of getting my attention, good luck to her. Ann used to try to do that and would get furious that I wasn't jealous, equating that to me not caring enough.

"Ann, you were sticking your tits out at some guy, looks to me that you're the one who doesn't care," I retorted.

But I'd always been clear. While I was fucking someone, I was the only one. I didn't cheat, and I didn't want to be cheated upon. If it was casual, then we say so. If it's not, we agree upon that.

"I have an IUD," Naya said and surprised me. "I got it first when I was recovering. The doctors suggested it would be better for me to control my periods. They were painful, and I was already in so much pain…I just kept getting it replaced. My periods are non-existent, and I kinda like that."

"I have condoms. I have never been inside a woman without one."

She raised an eyebrow. "Even Ann, the woman you were getting married to?"

"Not even Ann, and she wanted to marry me; I wasn't even sure if we should live together."

"Why?"

"We'd been together once in MIT for two years, and then again after a few years for a few months, and now. I just didn't think I should make any commitments until I was sure it would last."

"Why did you keep going back to her?"

"Sweetheart, I really don't want to talk about my ex when I'm thinking of the various ways in which I want to make love with you."

Her eyes widened. My god, she was innocent! I felt like a lecherous old man even though I was only seven years older than her.

"She was easy. I like sex. And it's nice to have someone to have it with regularly. I don't have to go pick someone up at the bar."

She wrinkled her nose. "Sex is that important to you?"

I chuckled. "Yes, Naya, sex is important to me. Who I have it with, not so much."

---