Page 32 of The Queen's Denial

“Breathe, Chi,” he says, and I realize I’m holding my breath. I let it all out and take a few more, far too quickly with the hand pressed onto my throat. Suddenly, the room is tilting upside down around me. I blink a few times and realize his hand is off my neck and his fingers are no longer inside of me, and I look at him as if he’s betrayed me in some way.

“As much as I love that look of ecstasy on your face, I want your eyes here. I want them on me. Now.” In no time, his hands and fingers are back in place, and I’m wriggling again.

I’m beyond fighting, beyond any comprehensible thought besides doing what he says so I can get what I want. No, I don’t want it. My body has decided I need it, and it will not allow me to interfere.

“Ohh that look in your eyes, Chi. That’s what I want. I want all of you, baby.” He keeps up his finger fucking until I am all sensation, and just bits and pieces of his words come through the hyper-awareness of what his hands are doing to me. “I want you to need this the way I do. Not just want it, you understand me? I want you to need it.”

That’s easy, because I think I do need it. Just right now — just in this moment, I try to convince myself as I nod mindlessly, chasing my release and lifting my hips. He removes his fingers and smacks my pussy hard with the palm of his hand. I cry out, but it’s nothing but a thin whimper.

“You want to come, baby?” I don’t understand for a moment, but when I process the words, I make eye contact and give just the weakest of nods.

Without warning, he pushes into me with his cock as far as he can go. “You’ve been very good,” he pants, “so I suppose I’ll allow it.” He grunts as he plunges back into me and grinds down, and I melt into the mattress. I can’t believe I haven’t come yet — can’t believe I can possibly handle anymore of this. Usually, my orgasm is like a crashing wave. This will be an all-out explosion, and I’m not sure I’m ready for it.

“Breathe!” Andy’s gruff voice comes from above me, and I realize that I’ve again been holding my breath again. As I exhale on a high-pitched moan, it seems to set Andy off, and he comes apart, coating my insides in warmth. The look on his face and the sensation of his warmth inside of me finally sets off the explosion. All I feel is the wrenching, all-consuming pleasure of my orgasm. It’s all I am right now. Andy has done what I thought was impossible. He’s made me that piece of dust, gently floating in the universe. Even if it’s just for some small moment in time. It might as well be an eternity that I’m floating in this dream.

I know Andy is saying something to me, but I can barely hear. Finally, I make out a few words. “Calm down, not so hard. Not so fast.”

I notice now that my chest pounds up and down with Andy’s hand as a reassuring weight on top of it. I realize a moment later that a decent amount of time has passed, my gag is off my face, and my head is in Andy’s naked lap. I can’t fucking move. Sex weighs my body down heavily, but it jolts with an aftershock a second later and then relaxes, and I fall limp again.

“Shhh, you’re good. You’re just fine.” I want to speak and tell him that obviously I’m fucking fine, that I’ve never been better, and I’m not sure how I could have ever lived without everything we just did… but I can’t. I absolutely cannot form words right now.

“You need to get your breathing under control, Chi, or we can’t do that anymore.” I focus on taking deep breaths, and I crack my eyes open wearily.

“That’s better. You’re tired. Go to sleep.”

As if his words are an all-out command, I let the rich darkness take me away.

Chapter 15

Andy

I leave Chi, fuck-drunk and passed out in the bed, knowing that it may be the last time I get to have such fun with her. I put everything into this last round. I’ve shown her the few little added skills and kinks I’ve never brought to the bedroom with her before.

To be honest, I don’t often need to bring them there. Usually, I can hold them in and get what I need from her with our usual games. But I’m on edge. This war is bad, and Cas is preoccupied with Mara. As usual, I’m going to have to be the voice of reason. And I’m not sure why, but I feel like I might not make it out of here. Like maybe my time has finally come.

Cas and I take care of some business with Mara’s brother and cousin just before I talk Cas out of running head first into a battle with a man who has more money and power than God. After all of that, it’s time to win or lose this fucking thing once and for all.

Chi and I have been doing anything short of fornicating all over the table, but I haven’t actually spoken much to her. To my knowledge, she still knows little about what is actually going on and seems content to keep it that way as long as she gets to eat my face off. Which is just fine by me.

Cas and I are ready to leave the next night for the confrontation, and when I turn around, I see Chi standing at my door with a hesitant look on her face. She doesn’t usually seek me out, but when she does, it’s certainly not with hesitancy.

“Hey. What’s up, Chi?”

She licks her lips, still seemingly having no idea what to say to me, but pushes herself a few steps into the room anyway. “What do you think… do you think you’ll be okay?”

I freeze. This is definitely not a topic I’d like to discuss and especially not with Chi. Because the truth is… no. I do not think I will be okay. I’m actually pretty certain I won’t be. But I’m not about to say that to this sweet, beautiful young woman, destined to be someone else’s queen.

“Yeah, Chee-chee. I’m always okay. You shouldn’t be worrying about this, baby. It’s not your fight yet.”

She rolls her eyes. “I feel like you’ll also be saying this when I’m head of the Yakuza, though. If it’s yours and my father’s fight, then it’s my fight, too.”

I don’t know why she includes me in that sentence with her father, and I understand even less why it makes me feel so good that she does. But I push on. “Well, I’ll be fine, like I always am.”

Suddenly, she’s grasping onto my bulletproof vest and pulling me closer. “Andy, I don’t think you get it. I’m not a child. I know you could die. Cas could die. Even… even Mara.” She gulps, and her eyes drop from mine as she grapples with the idea. I remember all over again that she has never had to deal with a war in her life. I, on the other hand, have seen this all before. It’s just a different war and a different battlefield. This might be the reason why the idea of death for her sends shivers down my spine; for me, death is just something I live with, knowing I can’t outsmart it forever. I stared it in the face so many times that it doesn’t really faze me anymore.

She’s never seen this fighting. If she’s seen her father torture or beat men, that’s about as much as her eyes have been privy to. “Don’t die.”

Her little outburst would normally just make me laugh inside while I used it as insincere fodder for my next meeting with whatever girl was pulling on my shirt at the moment. But from Chi, right here, right now, I want to be honest and level with her. I think after everything we’ve been through together, she deserves that much.

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