Page 56 of The Queen's Denial

Finally, she takes a steadying breath in and out. “Do you think it was because of yesterday?” she asks, concern bleeding from her expression even as she tries to hide it.

“No. I think it was because I didn’t say what he wanted me to say when he asked me to go to Japan and be your bodyguard for the rest of my life.”

She takes a sharp breath in. “Oh my god,” she whispers, stunned.

“I think it’s safe to say he knows about us. And I don’t mean the fucking, because obviously. I mean… all of it.”

She sits gingerly on the bed before looking up at me. “What are we gonna do?”

It’s a great question. I have no idea what comes next, either.

I just stare at her, so she continues. “Well, what do you think my father wanted? For us to stop seeing each other?”

I laugh without humor. “Yeah, I was getting that feeling.”

She looks up at me with quiet intensity. “So… you said no to his request.”

She already knows the answer. We both agreed that it would have to end sometime, and I have my job, Cas, and all of my responsibilities here.

I hesitate. Chi is too serious to be kidding, but would she really ask me to leave everything here and go to Japan just to be with her?

“Of course you said no,” she says quickly, her eyes drifting away from mine.

“Chi, I can’t… I mean, this is my life. I can’t—”

“No, yeah, I know. I just… thought maybe you’d like to see Japan for a bit. I bet you’ve never been there.”

“I’ve never been there, no,” I say, and although she looks away, I stare straight at the top of her head until she looks at me again. “I know you’re a billionaire, but I also have a stupid amount of money, Chi. I can go if I want to.”

She sighs in defeat, looking back down at the floor.

“I gotta go, Chi.”

She keeps her head down, faintly nodding.

I turn to leave and something grips my insides and holds tight. I don’t think it’ll ever stop. But why? Chi will still be here for months. I could see her. It’s not like she can’t leave her house. But something tells me I won’t. Something tells me if I leave, whatever we’ve been doing is over. That should be fine, right? I ask myself. I knew this would happen. Chi knew this would happen. There’s no reason to consider any other outcome or delay the inevitable anymore.

“Andy.” I stop at the door and turn back around. She looks up at me, and the hurt on her face is too much to bear. She never shows me this. And I know in that moment that she feels the same way that I’m feeling right now, but for the life of me, I don’t know what to do. So, I do the only thing I can think of.

I close the space between us and grab her face. “Don’t look at me like that, Chee-chee,” I say softly.

“We’re nothing but dust, floating around the universe. Right, Andy?”

I sink down onto the bed and pull her closer to me, sighing into her shoulder. “Yeah. So what are you saying? You want to run off? Leave your father and all of this? And… and then what?”

She shakes her head. “I guess we’re more than dust. Because I can’t just leave. And neither can you.”

A tear drops onto her cheek, and I lift her chin to look up at me. “Yeah. I guess. But I still don’t want you to cry.”

“I might not cry if you came with me. But honestly…” she takes a shuddering breath in and another tear drops from her eye, “I’d probably still cry.”

I hug her as my insides clench painfully. “I know.”

Suddenly, she pushes me away and wipes her face. “Okay. Party’s over, I guess. It was bound to end eventually, right?”

I hate the crying, but I hate this more. Yet I know it’s just Chi’s coping mechanism kicking in and that I need to leave it alone and get the fuck out of here. Not only for her, either. For myself. Right now, we’re in a dead draw; there is no realistic way for either of us to win in this situation. I don’t think either of us really wants to anyway, if it’s at the expense of the other. So I need to bow out now, before I make things worse.

“I’ll be around, Chi.” I turn around and head to the door faster this time, praying that she won’t call me back in. Luckily for me, she doesn’t.

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