Page 32 of Heart Match

‘I don’t want to be a one-night stand for you,’ he says.

Oh God.

I’m so surprised by the fact that I’m not disappointed with what he just said—if any of the guys I’ve been with in the past had said anything close to this I’d definitely be annoyed—I can’t even respond to that. My mind’s all over the place now, in a battle between the high it seems to be on and his words. I don’t get the chance to say anything, because right then, something begins to vibrate in his back pocket, breaking the moment completely. Luc growls in frustration and puts some distance between us to check his phone. Worry takes over his face when he sees who’s calling. He runs a hand through his hair and says, ‘I’m sorry. I have to take this.’ His eyes meet mine briefly, he looks genuinely guilty.

‘Oui,’ he says, pressing the phone to his ear. The person on the other side starts talking as he listens attentively with furrowed brows.

He helps me down from the island, picks his Polo from the floor and helps me into it. He presses his soft, swollen and smudged-with-lipstick lips against mine and gives me a reassuring smile. Shirtless, his pants hanging low on his waist, still with a hard-on, he strides across the living room and to the balcony, leaving me speechless, wanting and confused.

Chapter Ten

From his sharp tone and the way his hand is raking through his hair, I can tell the conversation he’s having is serious. I don’t know how much longer he’s going to be on this call. I want to give him some privacy, and debate whether I should go to my room or sit on the couch. I decide for the latter, it’s not like I can understand much of what he’s saying.

I make myself comfortable between the cushions, propping my feet on the coffee table. I can’t help but watch him. It’s almost midnight and who can possibly be calling him at this hour on a Saturday night?

‘Margot, je sais. Mais … non, non. Est que tu peux au moins essayez?’ It sounds like he’s begging.

I wonder who this Margot is. My guess is, it’s work. It sounds a lot like work to me. But on a Saturday night?

Once in a while he glances my way and his eyes smile at me, but his mouth keeps on talking. At some point, I lay down, my eyelids are getting heavy and the delicious scent emanating from his Polo all over me is soothing.

‘Hey,’ I hear his voice, low and sweet. His hand slowly skimming my arm up and down, gently forcing me to open my eyes. I guess I drifted for a few minutes.

Luc’s kneeling on the floor.

‘Hi,’ I say. His face is so close to mine, I can’t help but lift my hand to touch it. He welcomes the touch, leaning his head onto my hand. His mouth curves into a boyish smile. He looks vulnerable, and his skin is hot and flushed.

‘I’m sorry it took so long,’ he says, guilty.

I don’t say anything, because I’m still trying to figure my emotions out. While he was on the phone and before I fell asleep, I kept on thinking about what he said, about him not wanting to be a one-night stand.

‘I should go,’ he says, after a long moment of silence.

The disappointment I’m feeling can be added to the emotions I’m trying to interpret. I wish he would stay. I never ask or let any guy stay the night, especially when we didn’t even have sex, but I was hoping he would stay. Is that insane? Somehow I can’t get enough of his presence, or the way he makes me feel, which I can’t yet put into words. And so I do what I never do, surprising even myself.

‘Stay,’ I say.

It might be because I’m sleepy, but right now I don’t want anything more than for him to stay.

‘Are you sure?’ his voice is raspy. A smile tugs on his lips as he brushes my bangs off my face.

‘Yes,’ I whisper.

He helps me up from the couch, I take his hand and lead him to my bed, turning off the lights on the way. He tucks me into his chest where I can hear his heart beating against my ear. He interlaces his fingers through mine and I can feel the calluses on his skin. When I look up I see him watching me in the dark, though I can tell he’s already half asleep, as comfortable in my bed as if it were his own. Right now he looks satisfied and relaxed, exactly how I feel. I realise that that’s exactly what I needed, and it worries me.

#

I wake up sometime in the middle of the night. It’s still raining outside, I can tell by the water drops running down fast on the window glass reflected by the lights coming from outside. I watch him sleep, deeply and peacefully. His breathing makes a little soothing noise. Though it’s dark, my eyes are adjusted enough so I can see the shape of his perfect nose, his lips parted.

I raise my hand and touch the tiny little hair growing along his jaw and chin. Asleep, he puts his arm around me and tries to spoon me, but I’m facing him. His sleepy eyes open and look right into mine. I turn my back to him so that now he can effectively spoon me, our warm bodies complementing each other.

To me, there is nothing normal about this. The way he makes me feel so comfortable around him when we’ve only just met, me accepting an invitation to dinner, cooking for him, and letting him stay the night and sleep on my bed and lying about him to my best friends. This is all different from everything I’ve known since I left Josh, heck, of everything else I’ve experienced. I haven’t done any of this with the guys I had sex with in the past three years. I have never let any of them get this intimate, and I also never allowed myself to get this close to someone. Why I’m letting it happen now is a mystery I can’t decipher.

Of course, I had no deadline planned for when I’d finally let anyone get this close to me again, I just didn’t expect it to happen anytime soon. In fact, sometimes I wondered if it ever would. I worked hard to close the walls around me in the first year after Josh. Yes, because there was me before, during and after Josh. There was the naive and unexperienced girl of before, the abused and deceived of during, and the woman who knows she deserves better after. Almost everything that can go wrong in a relationship, I had it with Josh, and considering he was the only serious relationship I ever had, I don’t know what can go right in one.

Letting Luc occupy all this empty space I have in my life in a matter of days, naturally, makes me feel out of control. And not having control scares the shit out of me, because controlling is the only way I know to protect myself from hurting inside and out.

All these thoughts are playing tricks on my mind, sabotaging the way I truly feel right now, a kind of bliss that I experience when I’m around people that care about me and I care for in return. I shut my eyes and try to tell myself it’s going to be okay.

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