Page 21 of Heart Match

I pick a lacy black botanical embroidered set with a bra and a hipster brief that is mostly transparent. It’s too hot for anything other than thin and transparent fabric. I feel powerful already. I slip on a black crop top and white ripped high-rise shorts, put some simple makeup on, my favourite Chanel perfume and let my hair dry naturally—with this heat it will happen fast. I hurry up, I don’t want him to wait too long. I’m curious to know what he wants. I swear that’s the only reason.

‘Hey,’ I say as I catch him sitting on one of the kitchen island’s stools. His hair’s fresh from a shower too. He’s wearing chino shorts again, this time navy and a white V-neck. There’s something about him and V-necks that makes his collar and neck irresistible.

Oh for goodness’ sake. Stop it.

‘Hey,’ he gives me a once over as he gets up from the stool to greet me with a kiss on the cheek, only this time his hand goes to the hair on the back of my neck with full purpose. The touch of his long fingers threaded through my wet hair is better than I expected it to be, it makes every pore of my body awaken.

‘What’s up?’ I ask as if it weren’t a big deal to have him here right now, and his hand on my neck, like this. The thud thud from my heart tells me this is a big deal whether I like it or not.

‘I won’t take much of your time, just wanted to ask if you’d like to have dinner with me on Saturday,’ he says.

What?

Ok, now the intervals between the thuds thuds are shorter. I wish I could pause this moment and weigh the pros and cons of the possible answers I could give him. But I can’t. Even asking for time to think about it would already be a complicated answer.

‘I …’ I begin, but before I continue I take a deep breath. I’m sure that after I say what I’m about to, I’ll push him away. And though it will be a shame not to see those eyes staring at mine again, it will be better than the heartache I’m destined to have if I keep this going on for longer.

‘Listen, Luc, I don’t think it’s a good idea.’

His face now is the most confused I’ve seen. His eyes, though connected to mine, now seem lost.

‘Why not?’

Were his eyebrows that perfect all along? Why am I thinking about this right now anyways?

‘You know why.’

‘Do I?’

The slow way he drags his eyes from mine to my mouth, makes me chew on my lips.

‘Yes, you do.’

He closes his eyes and takes a deep inhale. When he opens them again he says, ‘I promise not to take advantage of you. Unless you want to,’ he grins.

Oh God, why?

I feel my face get hot. As we stand there in front of each other I lose my willpower provided by my lingerie to keep away from him almost instantly.

Would it be too bad if I slept with him? Just once?

‘That’s the problem,’ I say.

The shock on his face as he hears this is priceless, it makes my pulse go wild, it sets my insides on fire. He closes and opens his eyes in slow motion, as if he has just had the kind of pleasure that makes you feel doped, like when smokers take their first drag, or when an addict takes the first sip of alcohol in a long time.

He takes one step closer. I don’t know how long I will resist being this close to him looking at me like that, like things only make sense if we are as close as we possibly can be. He takes another step, and now I feel the heat of his body embracing mine. For a brief torturing moment I know if he touches me I will let him, and I won’t have any more control over the situation and what can happen next. Then I’m saved by the Amazon guy.

I head to the door as fast as I can and get the package and set it on the kitchen island. He’s watching me all the while. Right now the kitchen island is separating us, the vase with the flowers he gave me between us.

You know what I want right now? Him. I want to know how his lips will feel when they meet mine, find out what he tastes like when his tongue pushes inside my mouth, how my skin will react to his hands exploring every inch of my body, his smell all over me penetrating my nostrils, him inside of me until I lose myself. Yeah, that’s what I want, that’s the only thing that could put out this fire I feel between my legs right now. But then I don’t let my mind go there, I keep reminding myself that he also has the power to hurt me badly, of making me lose control of everything I have power over, including my heart.

‘Right. I should go,’ he says heading towards the door.

I watch him striding across the room and wonder if I’ll ever get this chance again. Contradiction and temptation get the best of me. He’s leaving, right? So I won’t have to worry about dumping him, like the others. This time will be easier. An experiment maybe? And like a magnet and metal, I can’t let him go without giving it a try. Because, as Caleb said, I like it difficult.

‘Are your brothers and father going to be there?’ I ask.

He turns around with a wide grin on his face, a gleam of excitement in his eyes.

---