Page 10 of I Need It

“Is it true what they say about the middle child syndrome?”

He chuckled. “It depends on what they’re saying. Most times, people that don’t even experience that shit create the narrative.”

“You right about that shit. It just says that they are treated differently by their parents.”

“Not really. We’re all treated differently, depending on our strengths. Jakari was the most responsible, but I know that had to do with him being the oldest, not because of anything our parents did. He took his role of being a big brother seriously. Rylan and I were his little brothers. He was like a father away from our father.” He chuckled. “My mama was the same with all of us. She babied all of us but was firm at the same time, if that makes sense.”

I smiled slightly. “It makes perfect sense to me.”

“So do you consider yourself spoiled? That’s the narrative for kids when they don’t have siblings.”

I smiled bigger. “Absolutely. Spoiled rotten, especially after my mama died. My daddy didn’t spare no expense when it came to his baby.”

He chuckled. “At least you’re honest. That’s how it should be for a dad and his daughter.”

I tilted my head to make sure I saw his facial expression. He didn’t seem to be reflecting or anything, so I asked, “Do you have any kids?”

“Naw. What about you?”

I faced forward, debating if I wanted to tell him what had just happened. “No, I don’t.”

I could see him standing in my peripheral. Shit. He grabbed my hand, somewhat forcing me to look up at him. He stared at me for a moment and said, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

I frowned slightly as he rubbed my hand. After looking away and clearing my throat, I turned back to him. “I’m not. I wasn’t ready to be a mother. Plus… the father is a jackass.”

He didn’t respond to what I said. He just stared at me. It seemed like he was silently pulling the words out of me. “The baby was in my tubes, so I wasn’t pregnant long. I’d only found out a couple of weeks ago.”

He began rubbing my hand between his, and I took a deep breath. After slowly shaking my head, I said, “I do have trauma with ain’t shit niggas. I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. It’s like your presence is pulling the shit out of me.”

He leaned over and kissed my forehead, and it felt like my eyes rolled to the back of my head. “It just seemed like you needed that. Sorry if I invaded your space.”

He was about to pull his hand from mine, but I held it tighter, keeping him close for a moment longer. When I released him, he sat back in the chair he was in. It had gotten extremely quiet. I knew I was in my feelings. “Were you in a relationship with him?”

“No. I’d sworn off relationships before I met him. I guess you can say I was dickmatized. I allowed him to hit it raw with promises of pulling out, and here we are. He didn’t pull out. When I told him I was pregnant, he ghosted me.”

“That’s a fuckboy move,” he said.

“Tell me about it.”

“Well, I’m glad you allowed me to come see you. At least you aren’t alone.”

“Yeah,” I said, glancing over at him. “Me too.”

We got quiet again as I turned the TV to The View. I wasn’t really watching it, but they could possibly say something to spark further conversation between Christian and me. He shifted in his seat. “I tried to have a relationship a while ago, but we broke up after a year. The distance was hard for both of us, and neither of us wanted to move. So I guess we were just wasting each other’s time.”

“You loved her?”

“Yeah. She was real cool… sweet. But it is what it is. That shit turned me into a ho for a minute though.”

I chuckled. “I know the feeling. I feel like I’ve been in my heaux phase for a while. Had Jasmine Sullivan on repeat.”

He laughed, and God, was it a beautiful sound. “Christian, you’re cool. Listen, I know that you said you were cool with where I was on the whole relationship thing, but why are you here? Why do you wanna get to know me? I won’t be able to have sex for weeks to come.”

“The crazy part is, I don’t know. I mean, I think you’re a beautiful woman, that’s for sure. I just feel like I’m supposed to get to know you, even if it’s only in the capacity of friendship.”

I nodded slightly. Did I want to see where things went with Christian? He seemed really sweet. Being that I didn’t really have friends, I kind of wanted him close. My dad and my girl that brought me here were the only ones who knew what was going on. Honestly, Jasmine wouldn’t know if she wouldn’t have been with me.

“Do you want to be in a relationship though?” I asked.

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