Page 37 of I Need It

It was silent for a couple of seconds, then KJ came on the line. “Damn. What’chu say to her?”

“That I wasn’t loaning her no money. She need to go to a bank or Speedy Cash. The fuck she think I am?”

He laughed. “Yo’ ass wild. She just gave me the phone and walked out. She don’t look good.”

“Yeah. I saw her before I left. She look like she done lost weight.”

“Yeah. She on that meth shit. Gotta be. I thought she worked.”

“Hell if I know. We didn’t get that far.”

I could imagine he was rolling his eyes. “Where you going anyway?”

“Houston.”

“Houston? I thought you were done with Mya when she left?”

“We’ll talk about that shit when I get back. Depending on how things go when I get there, I may be giving things another chance.”

“Aww shit. Just be cool, man. Don’t go there acting an ass.”

“I’m not. I’ll holla at you when I get back.”

“A’ight.”

I ended the call. I didn’t want to tell KJ shit until I talked to Mya. I knew he wouldn’t say anything, but I didn’t want to hear my brothers’ or parents’ mouths if they found out he knew before them. At first, I wanted to surprise Mya by just popping up, but I thought better of it. Just because she was pregnant didn’t mean she hadn’t been seeing anybody.

I’d dipped back to a random within those two months, so I knew it was possible for her to as well. I placed the call, and when she answered, I regretted it. She sounded like she had fallen asleep. “Hello?”

“Did I wake you up?”

“Yeah. It’s okay. I wasn’t expecting you to call back.”

I frowned slightly. “Why not?”

“The last time we talked, you said you would call back, and you didn’t. Actually, every time we’ve talked since my trip to Nome, you would say that. I figured it was just something you said to get off the phone.”

I felt like shit for a second, then I thought better of it. “You were trying to force a friendship I was no longer gung-ho about. You knew where I stood, but you were trying to make me change what I wanted, trying to make me see things your way. I wasn’t feeling that, Mya. So yeah, I was trying to get off the phone with you without being rude, although you were disregarding my desires like they weren’t important.”

She remained quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry, Christian. I guess I was being selfish. I was trying to hold on to you without giving you what you wanted. That wasn’t right.”

“I’m on my way over, Mya. If you got a nigga over there, tell him to leave before I get there.”

“Why are you coming to Houston?”

“I feel like you need me. I have to leave in the morning, but I can hear in your voice that you aren’t feeling the greatest. Plus, I’m feeling sensitive now too. I just wanna hold you.”

She broke down crying on the phone. I remained quiet, listening to her struggle to compose herself. When she finally did, she said, “No one’s here. Are you sure you wanna be here with me? I understand that you may not want to be close to me. You can still be a great father without being tender with me, Christian.”

I took a deep breath. This woman just didn’t get it. I wanted her. The reason we weren’t together was because of her… not me. My actions were a direct reaction to her actions. “Mya, I’ll be there in an hour.”

I ended the call. I didn’t have the energy to go back and forth with her over the phone. When I got there, I would break shit down to her for the final time. If she couldn’t grasp what I was saying and help me to understand why she was feeling the way she was, it would be the most awkward visit ever. I’d hold her like I planned, but it would be the most disconnected shit I’d ever done.

CHAPTER 14

MYA

After washing and moisturizing my face, I put on a T-shirt and some sweats. I had on my bonnet and fluffy socks. It was close to ten, and I knew Christian would probably be here soon. Apparently, I’d irritated him. He’d hung up in my face. I didn’t know what version of him I would get when he got here, but I was nervous. I wasn’t nervous in a fearful sort of way. I knew he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me physically.

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