Page 43 of The Actor and His Secret

‘Do it inside the car,’ Selina says. ‘As the Brits would say, it’s pissing it down. Raining cats and mice - no, cats and dogs. Something like that.’

I haven’t even noticed. But now she says it, I’m wet through. My hair is plastered to my head, my smart casual outfit of a jumper and jeans clinging to my body.

‘No, I’ll just be a moment.’

There isn’t room for Selina to complain as I step aside, accept the call, and hold the phone to my ear.

The first thing I hear is thunder, both above me and through the end of the phone. Father is close.

‘I thought you were ignoring me, son.’

‘I was working.’ I don’t know why I bother to offer an excuse. But there is something about hearing his voice that turns me into that seventeen-year-old boy all over again. The rage is the same too. Destructive, dangerous…

‘Well, haven’t you been busy. It’s as though everywhere I look these days, I see your face. Imagine what that’s like for me. Being haunted - taunted by you. It isn’t nice.’

I bite back the urge to tell him to fuck off, look the other way, pretend I don’t exist just like I wish I could do. Instead, I steady my breathing and ask the question I know this call is about. ‘What do you want, father?’

‘Peace. But my money is drying up.’

‘We had a deal. I did what was asked of me. I owe you nothing more’

‘What’s the price of a life, son?’

I want to vomit. I lean against the soaked wall of the radio building, making sure my back is to the car so Selina can’t read my expression - my horror. ‘One point five million. Which, may I remind you, is the price you set yourself. And you have it. It’s all yours.’

‘There’s something called inflation.’

‘Fuck inflation.’

My father doesn’t reply straight away. His breathing is uneven, heavy and rasping from years of drinking and smoking. When I inhale, I can smell him. It’s like being back in the radio station, with Jim puffing on his cigarette as though his life depended on it.

‘I need more,’ my father finally says.

‘That’s obvious. But it’s not going to happen. I have nothing else to give. In fact, I give up. Fuck this, fuck your threats, fuck - ’

‘Do you know the time, son?’ His question stops me in my tracks.

I look down to my wrist on instinct, but my watch isn’t there. I always wear one, because I need to be able to check the time during interviews without turning on my phone. I noticed as much when I was late for Selina’s pick up this morning, but I was already in the car by that point and couldn’t go back into Oli’s apartment to get it. ‘What does it matter?’

‘Ah, what a silly question. Here, let me tell you. It’s almost half-past four in the afternoon. Nice watch, by the way. I’m sure this will fetch me some money to keep me going until you can gather another five hundred thousand for me.’

‘What?’

‘Your watch. Patek Philipe, solid gold, is that a pearl face? Must be one of a kind. You really should be more careful where you put your things, son. When you care about something, when it holds value, I really wouldn’t take my eyes off it. Do you know what I mean?’

My head is reeling. I can’t make sense of what he’s saying, or maybe I don’t want to. I can’t even begin to understand how my father has got access to my watch - the watch I left at Oli’s house during our night of passion.

Father has always had a way of reading my mind. ‘Check your phone.’

As he says it, the phone buzzes against my ear. I draw it back, seeing that an exposed number I don’t have saved into my contacts has sent me an image. I open it, my thumb trembling. As the picture fills the screen, my knees go weak.

My watch is on the wrist of a man. My father’s wrist, with an angry scar that I’d recognise anywhere - a scar I gifted him myself all those years ago. But that isn’t the only thing the photo shows. The way my father is holding his wrist up to take the photo, I see a figure walking away in the distance.

‘Oli,’ I breathe, drawing the phone back to my ear.

‘That’s right, son. Now, need I remind you that I know and see everything. Call it ‘daddy’s intuition’. So, about that five hundred thousand. I need to see it in my bank, otherwise your watch won’t be the only thing I take from you.’

The world tilts on its axis. Thunder crashes ahead, followed by a spear of lightning. Selina is calling for me to get into the car, but her voice is muffled by my heartbeat. It’s as if I exist in this moment, while also being in a void, watching on through a body that no longer belongs to me.

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