Page 10 of Something Beyond Fame

The shuttle bus took us into town. Our first stop was the cathedral. I lit a candle. I’m not sure why I still did such things when I’m no longer a believer, but it is somewhat of a tradition. It made me think of Clarissa, how she would laugh at the things I couldn’t shake from my religious childhood, and I felt a pang of longing. I missed her. We were never meant to be together. It never would have worked, but I missed her laugh, and I wondered if after all this time if she ever still thought of me. I guess first love lingers like that.

The town was cute, nothing too special, but it was filled with clashes of culture and history. The port itself was spilling with stories of past lives. From warships to Vikings, kings to pirates. It was clear we were by no means the first ship to settle at its shore.

I took a walk out of town in hopes of seeing seals and puffins, but all I did was lose my banana bread to the wind.

Honestly, I had little interest in seeing the standing stones. They’re 5000 years old, but I couldn’t focus. I’m not sure why, but my brain wanders. I wish I wasn’t wired that way, but I am. I heard people, other Americans, talking loudly after about the theories, animatedly discussing the options, yet for me, I felt a little indifferent, distracted, my thoughts on a beautiful blonde with eyes that shimmered like the ocean itself.

As I fell out of the bus at a crossroads with new animated acquaintances, the sun blessed us with heat that seemed to cut through the wind.

The shore of the loch lit up, and there, right in front of us were basking seals soaking in the rays. It was a moment that would define my season. Cities and sights come and go. History defines the paths and culture paints the colors. But nature is mysterious as to when she will show her beauty.

You could wait hours, days, or weeks. Seals don’t work on my timeline. But there on that shore, at that moment, we shared a quiet space in the world.

I started to wonder if I had imagined our encounter. I looked for Claudia incessantly on the ship, but I never found her. She wasn’t at my shows, the bars, or the restaurants when I checked. I also called her room a few times, only to receive the elusive do not disturb message. I could deny it as much as I wanted, but the truth was becoming increasingly harder to ignore. She was avoiding me.

It took two days for Urduja to get involved.

“Look, I’m not saying I have spies everywhere, but the truth is that I have spies everywhere,” she said with a raised eyebrow. “I cannot cope with this moping and pining anymore. I’ll tell you when and where she appears tonight, and you will go and speak to her. I cannot tell you she is going to feel what you feel. She may say it was a mistake and to leave her alone. But at least then you’ll know and can stop with all this nonsense. Yes?”

I nodded, although I wasn’t entirely sure what I was agreeing to. She was right. I was like a moping teen in the midst of an angsty breakdown. I needed closure one way or another.

It took a lot for me to not go all out. Heels, sexy outfit, dramatic makeup. I thought about it, but really, I was past that point. Claudia had wanted me for me. Or so I’d thought. If she didn’t want me at all, I would cross that bridge when I came to it.

I got my code signal from Urduja. “She is in the Explorers Bar!” Not really much of a code, and I took a deep breath. Better to know, right? I kept repeating that mantra as, although it felt as if suddenly there were oceans between us, I nervously made my way across the ship to her.

5

Isaw her sitting at the bar. For a woman who seemed to be dismissive of attention, her red dress demanded it. Tight, silky satin clung to her in all the right places. She seemed more comfortable than other times I’d seen her in public, and I wondered if that was because of the nearly empty glass of red wine she absentmindedly swirled in her right hand.

The seat beside her was taken by a girl trying to get her attention.

She stood slowly after a few minutes. The girl’s attempt in capturing Claudia in conversation had failed. I walked over, trying not to seem too desperate, trying to maintain a gait that didn't show how badly I wanted to be in that seat next to her.

She barely noticed me. Her gaze on the barman, watching him make fancy drinks with ease. Her fingers absentmindedly traced up and down the stem of her wine glass.

I waited, stealing glances her way, hoping to make eye contact, but instead I was looking at her glass of wine, watching it slowly empty.

She took the last sip, crimson lipstick stains on the rim of the glass. I saw her debate with herself as whether to have another, and as the thought crossed her mind, her eyes drifted to me for the first time.

I leaned over with a smile. "Can I get you another drink?” I asked.

Her head tilted a little, her eyes giving nothing away, but maybe, maybe there was a hint of a smile. The pause lingered.

“Sure, I'll have another,” she finally said.

I tried to stop the sigh of relief on my lips after the long, lingering pause. I was mostly successful. I turned to the bartender. "Two, please.”

Her eyebrows raised as she settled back in her seat, and her red dress rose up her thighs a little higher as she unashamedly let her gaze linger over me.

"You didn't strike me as a red wine type of girl,” she said.

I looked back at her. "There's a lot that you may not anticipate with me,” I said, taking my wine and swirling it in my glass a little before I took another drink. I looked at her over the edge of the rim.

"Like what, then," she said,with a bit of a challenge in her voice.

I took a small sip from the glass, looking over at her with a small smile. "I’m not too picky with my wine,” I said before continuing. “I like to drink in a lot of things. Wine. The presence of a beautiful woman. The way she looks. The small smile. The glances. I take it all in. Very observant.”

I took a little inhale, weighing her up and finding her incredibly hard to read. Maybe that's what caught my attention the most. My teeth lightly ran over my bottom lip. My glass settled once more on the counter.

---